Process

This is a process. It isn’t always consistent. I can’t always accomplish the same amount each day. My husband and I have both been struggling with this concept immensely. I’ve had some days where I’ve definitely pushed myself further than truly works for my body. It often feels like God is forcing me to chill out and step back sometimes, like when I started doing a whole lot of work at home each day, and then got sudden debilitating sciatic pain… Just because I had more energy didn’t mean I was supposed to spend it all on housework, and then some.

So, anyway… this is hard and sometimes sucks. My energy levels and physical abilities are abominable compared to usual. But the miracle of life doesn’t come out of nowhere. A lot has to happen first, and it is happening within me each day and night right now.

I shared some struggles of yesterday with the midwife, and she replied with the best message. I share it here:

Sending all the love to you. You’re doing wonderfully! And we may need to have quite a serious chat with [your husband] either you or me. Because postpartum is going to slow things down even more significantly and he needs to be prepared. Also, you are a human being not a human doing. You have inherent worth as a person regardless of what you “accomplish” each day. And you’re growing a whole extra human right now.

Simple yet to the point. And she is quite right about all of it. Especially when I read the ‘human being not human doing’ part, it hit hard and I cried. It rang so very true for me and was exactly what I needed to hear right now.

Coincidentally, I ended up spending over three hours on the phone with my cousin today, initially talking about those specific struggles, but also addressing all sorts of pregnancy-related things. It was really awesome just getting to chat and hang out. And I was lying in bed for the first part, then I moved to a chair in the living room for a bit before eating some food and sitting on the sofa and then going outside into the sunlight for a bit. I truly took it easy physically, doing only what it felt like truly worked for my body.

Afterward, I went and met my husband at Home Depot to look at the bathroom vanities again in person, now that I’ve researched them online and know much better our options. I found one that I like well enough and figure we should go ahead and get, so we can move onward from tbs current bathroom setup struggle. My husband does love it, but he seems to be okay with it. (I’ll check in with him again about it before ordering.)

Then, I went to watch dance class, and ended up sitting in the car with my friend for most of class, because she was feeling dizzy from some medicine stuff. Then I went home and said hi to the chickens before lying back down on the sofa for several hours.

For house tidying and arranging, I accomplished almost nothing today. Only pulled out some boxes I need to replace, prepping them for the next step. And yet, I feel quite accomplished for today. So, that’s really cool. Perhaps allowing myself to be limited was all I truly needed to do to help myself today.

God, help me to sleep well each night. Make me and the baby and my husband well and safe, please. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024