Pregnancy

Sometimes, I forget that I’m not just tired and feeling unwell but that I’m pregnant. Until I stand up and start heading to the bathroom, I have these odd and almost-peaceful moments of just feeling kind of crappy. This is a bonus, because with them comes the background expectation that the crappy feeling will be gone within a few days at most, as with any typical winter weather cold or illness.

However, as I totter towards the bathroom and suddenly feel my massive belly protruding before me, it re-registers for me that I am not simply dealing with a winter cold, but am pregnant. And the feelings will not go away in the next 24-48 hours.

::sigh

Also, I am on the brink of another small mental breakdown. Tonight, as I was putting on my hydration oils for my belly and breasts, I saw that the early stretch marks have suddenly appeared all around my breasts, not just on the two original spots from a couple weeks ago. I think I have not let it settle fully into my mind. If I had, I am sure I would be bawling. I know they’re okay to have and they’re marking something wonderful and amazing. But I also only recently have gotten to be that woman I have always longed to be, the sexy, gorgeous, sweet, loving, and totally fit woman who has a “You’re welcome” body. Let alone to be able to share that with someone directly. My brain is already starting to process my being the changed, stretched, unfit, slightly miserable mom whose husband now finds other young and fit women much more attractive than she, though he is still grateful for all that she does and for the children that they have together.

It’s a whole drama I never understood suddenly making sense in my head as my body is beginning to do these things that remove me from the physical person I worked so hard for so long to become.

Anyway… rough emotional time to come shortly for that one, to be sure.

God, help me to heal wholly, please. Make me and the baby and my husband well, please, and keep us and our home safe. Thank you for this life. Heal my scars, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024