Month: February 2025

There was some major indigestion today for the little one, which meant my husband and I both got overwhelmed. When he left to run errands in the late afternoon, I was incredibly hungry to begin. When the baby started freaking out with her indigestion, it made everything go downhill very quickly for me. My abdomen still cannot stand me up, so I have to use both arms and both legs to get myself upright every time. Holding a baby and doing this is nigh impossible, extremely difficult, and very uncomfortable, borderline painful. I had to do it several times today, which massively sucked. All while the baby was crying.

I know I want to have this baby and keep it and do all these parenting things. I just don’t want to be in physical pain anymore – it makes everything else so intensely difficult. And it makes me want it all just to chill out and leave me alone for a while. So, I’m going to bed and not really caring much about anything else. I’m hoping I might get some rest, which is a guarantee at making life feel much better at this point.

God, heal me, please, and keep me and the baby and my husband safe and well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

My mom is planning to be in her own bed at her house tomorrow night. I am not ready for this. My body can’t handle all the nighttime stuff yet. I fear it will not go well.

God, help me, please. Make me and the baby well and keep us and my husband safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Well, I believe I have discovered how to nap. I was wondering how I had been able to nap in the first few days but not recently. She consumes more milk at each nursing now and sleeps for longer stints as a whole (though, mostly at night). Why am I getting less sleep? During the day, anyway…

And then I discovered it.

She sleeps well on or against one of us, a body. If she’s on a pillow or in the swing, she will sleep a much shorter time just about every time. Yes, chances are much higher with the swing than with the pillow. However, neither compares to the efficiency of letting her pass out on top of or snuggled up against one of us.

So, today, after I nursed her at one point, she burped quickly, and I just lay her down on top of me, with pillows on either side in the lounge chair for extra support and safety, got my husband to put some blankets on me, leaned the chair back, and passed out. We had a lovely nap together, and I woke up well before she did, letting me be mentally prepared for her to nurse as soon as she did wake. Such a blessing.

I hope this continues to work. It not only gives me the rest I need, but the bonding of it is incomparable. I think it has helped immensely with the feelings of being used and abused. I still feel that I am being used, but the sense of abuse has dropped significantly. And that’s after only three naps together. I hope it continues to improve with more snuggle time – it just feels right this way. Perhaps it’s all just part of the design of it all… most likely, it is.

Ha… I hadn’t even though of that, it’s just been so hard… I’m grateful it seems to be changing for the better now.

Thank you, God. Make us well and keep us safe, please, especially my husband and our daughter and me. Thank you for this home and this family and this life. Guide us to be our best selves, and willingly so. Help us to follow your will freely. Grant us a clear and positive and fulfilling path forward financially, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

“You ready for me to bring in the do…… oh, man!”

“She’s not a dog, hun…”

We both laughed heartily at this small exchange. He pointed out how didn’t even finish saying it, but that we both knew he was in the middle of saying “dog”, as though our daughter were, in fact, our dog.

To be fair, she has a lot in common with a dog. She also squeaks like a dog’s squeaker toy whenever she has the hiccups each day. She often seems more like a toy or a doll than a person – we just aren’t accustomed to people who don’t speak in words and who sleep most of the day and wake us up all night long because they’re hungry. 😛

Post-a-day 2025

Well, then… this says tears develop around a month to six weeks old for a baby… guess our baby is advanced in her tear duct production, as she has cried with tears every single day. And that includes day one of her life… Special baby here, with special genes, it seems(!).

God, make our family well, please, and keep us safe. Thank you for this family and for our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

The midwife checked out my perineum and vagina today in our appointment. (She also confirmed that I actually hadn’t caused the breathing distress of my child that first night, and that it truly was an accidental situation that I, myself, saved. So, even if I did play a partial role in its all having happened, it was fully because of my attentiveness that the issue was discovered and addressed so immediately. Also, the baby knows how to breathe now, and I can rest more easily in that knowledge.)

She said everything looked really good. However, the super sharp, pokey feeling I have been having had a distinct culprit: the end of a suture that was left long (unnecessarily). Remember, a doctor stitched up everything, not the midwife. But the midwife went ahead and gently got in there and snipped off the two little ends (one was actually close to a quarter inch long, the longer piece). I haven’t had a single poke since. I think she resolved the most intense issue I was having in my vagina… the other part that has still been hurting somewhat constantly, but in a tight and pulling way, not sharp and stinging, she saw clearly, as well. It is in deeper part of where I had to be stitched up, and those stitches are still doing their job of helping things reconnect and heal. She expects they will not dissolve for another week or so. However, that pain is much more of a tolerable pain than the pokey one. But it is nice to know why that area hurts more than everywhere else. And that all is going in the right direction. (And that parts of me didn’t grow together that are not supposed to be connected. I was genuinely worried about that one!)

So, that was all really positive. She offered silver something to help healing go faster. However, my body reacted negatively to the idea, and the thought of having any further pain in an area that currently has a lessened pain that most likely will continue to improve… it just didn’t seem necessary. So, didn’t do that.

Anyway, sleep. Goodnight.

P.S, We named our daughter today. It was very special for us. Thank you, God. Amen.

Post/a-day 2025

Saw the chiropractor again today, the both of us. I was able to go face-down in the table. It was the first time in maybe six months. Granted, the middle of the table drops down a bit, so it made some extra room for my belly. Even still, it felt good to be able to lie that way and to have my back adjusted so directly. She did lots of little stuff on both of us, and it was clear we both needed it all. I ended up having lots more energy this afternoon and evening than I have had in a while. I still hurt all over, but it is even more so improved. I look forward to further improvements these next few days. Things always go better following s visit to the chiropractor for me.

Thank you, God, for our chiropractor. Make me and our baby and my husband well and keep us safe, please. Thank you for my family. Heal my body, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Well, it seems an extremely sentimental and recently incredibly useful pillow of mine has been ruined. I started to speak up about how to wash it, but was ignored. Instead of insisting, I let it go. Sure enough, it’s all messed up now, with the filling all scrunched up and lumpy, despite my efforts to smooth it out for a while now… I make a massive effort to take care of things that matter to me, so that they do last a long time. Now, this pillow that I have maintained for a very long time, due to one person’s careless treatment of it, is ruined… and no one else will notice or care.

So, that really hurts.

I know it’s just a pillow, but it meant a lot to me.

It also has been necessary for me to be able to sleep in my current state, because it truly was the perfect size and style for under my belly as it reshapes itself. Now, I’ll have to go hassle with throw pillows from the living room to see if any of those might work. They won’t be a good fit, but they might be okay enough to help.

Post-a-day 2025

I had never had stitches or sutures before birth. Having them be on one’s vagina for the first experience is definitely a rough one. This really, really sucks. It hurts terribly at this point, and I wish it just would stop aching so dreadfully.

But I am grateful that it doesn’t sting when I urinate anymore. Those were an extremely rough couple of days, having both the ache and pain and the added stinging whenever I went to the bathroom.

I can barely shuffle my feet forward now, though, because of the stitches pains. Sitting still doesn’t work. And I can’t stand for very long either before my vagina really starts to ache, I guess from gravity.

We tried an outing today, somewhat out of necessity. My grandma is moving tomorrow, so we stopped by at the en did my uncle’s 70th birthday celebration in the open restaurant in my grandma’s high rise building. It was likely the last time all of that family would be gathered together, especially given where my grandma is moving (and considering how old she already is and that she isn’t in the best of health).

So, we went. We were about to leave, but my grandma really wanted to be able to hold the baby, which had to be done in a certain chair in her apartment, for safety reasons. (My grandma is 94.) I agreed to a quick trip down to her apartment for this. However, there was a whole debacle of her needed to go get cleaned up in the bathroom but not wanting to, and her being nasty to the caretaker and to my aunt and yadda yadda… finally, my mom got her to go get cleaned up, which took a while in and of itself. Then she finally held the baby for a few minutes and apparently cooed and awed over it the whole time. It was definitely worth it, but I was lying down in the hallway at this point, because I couldn’t stand anymore, there weren’t any chairs in the hallway, and the apartment was far too warm for me to stand being in it.

So, I was beyond done and it was too much for me to be there that long.

If we had actually left after the upstairs portion, I think it would have been an acceptable or amount of time for me to be out. But the added time downstairs was just far too much for me. Also, that there was almost no food left, even though my aunt had supposedly ordered with us included in the count, made it harder for me – I was supposed to be having some good barbecue. Instead, I got a total of two bites of protein, and some pie and banana pudding (which I need to stop trying, because I never like it)…

So, yeah, having had food would have also helped immensely for me. Nonetheless, the visit was too long for me to be out and about. Seems like an hour tops is where we are right now. And also in a very comfortable and easy environment without normal people or noise. My family were very calm and chill today, and they were the only ones around, which was the perfect combo for a try at an outing. It just was too long.

Anyway, glad we did it. Glad my grandma got to see and spend time with her little great-granddaughter – she just sat staring at the baby in the stroller the whole time we were upstairs. It was kind of adorable. And I’m glad we got to be part of the last gathering at this awesome high rise where my grandma has lived the past couple years. It has been a great place to visit and spend time together. I will miss it.

Thank you, God, for my family. Thank you, especially for my husband. Thank you for our daughter. Make us well, please, and keep us safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

We have to put the baby in sunlight at least three times a day, ten minutes each time, as naked as possible. That hasn’t happened, but it is improving. I’m not really allowed to do it myself, but also am not really capable still, so it falls to others. Nonetheless, she has been getting some sun, even though it’s less than prescribed.

That being said, my mom pointed out that the baby was starting to get diaper tan lines. So, today, I took off her diaper while I was sitting with her outside. I had intended to hold the diaper under her while holding her. However, when I opened up the diaper, it was already full of urine.

So, I nixed the idea of the diaper. My husband was stressing out trying to get ready to leave, so I didn’t want to ask him for anything else. (Remember that I can’t really get around yet on my own.)

Suffice it to say that, we were sitting there and chilling, and then I had a feeling. I shoved myself forward in the chair enough to have her bum hanging off the chair. Sure enough, another ten seconds or so after that, I heard gurgling explosions and aww baby poo splashing onto the patio below us. She had another spurt a minute later, and then even rocket-launched a bit outward after that before peeing. It was gross and a bit of a disaster, but none got on me. Just a bit on the burp cloth. And all over the patio, of course.

My husband was very annoyed about it. I found it hilarious. The chickens poo all over the patio when they’re out and about – this seemed little different to me. Nonetheless, he got it all cleaned up after I went inside. Hopefully, he will forgive me soon, because it truly was hilarious.

The world got its revenge for him, though. The haaka fell off me later on, and a whole load of milk spilled all over my chair and my feet and the ground, and soaked into my underwear and everything. It was all wasted. I had to go shower. I cried. This, too, happened on the patio.

Post-a-day 2025