Forgiveness

Forgiveness seems to be the most difficult to provide when the outcome still has a possibility of being bleak… though it is difficult when a bleak outcome has already arisen, it seems ever just more difficult when the outcome is still uncertain, as the cycling back and forth on possible outcomes quite drives one mad. Thinking of forgiving those who created the situation in the first place, having the fluctuation of anger/blame and a willingness to forgive, the whiplash of it all can be oh-so-much. AKA it sucks horribly and I hate being in it right now.

God, heal this situation, please. Grant a positive result for this added concern. Heal us wholly, please. Make us well, keep us safe, and keep us lovingly together, please. Thank you for these trials and how the draw is closer to you. Please, don’t give them to us anymore. Help us to be strong with you without further trials like this. Let that be your will, too, please. Thank you for your love and for your sense of humor. I love you. Thank you. In your name, we pray. Amen!

P.S. Happy double birthday, Jesus! Amen! Hallelujah!

Post-a-day 2025

Support

One of the best things I’ve heard (or read) these past few days?

“[…] and being asked to prove it is the most utter bullshit[.]”

Thank you, M. Thank you for saying so clearly how I have been feeling.

God, help us to do well, please, and keep us together and safe and well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Charity

I have been giving much lately. I have given much time and effort, and I also have given much in terms of financial support via items to my brother and sister-in-law lately. They are having a baby in July. I have given them so much already that we don’t or didn’t need but that can be useful for them. However, most of it could have been easily sold to benefit us financially. The total amount would have been kind of a lot, too.

However, I felt called to be generous with it all. Regarding my time and effort, I have spent hours working on putting together a registry for them, as well as writing info for each item to explain it and my thoughts on it etc. I even did a chunk of research for them on the stuff. And I’ve had to do all of this either once the baby has gone to bed, sacrificing my sleep time, or while actively caring for the baby, like nursing or burping it. It hasn’t been easy.

Again, though, I felt called to be generous and do this. And I do want to do it all. There is still more to be done regarding their shower and its invitations.

Sometimes, it is hard to feel it is worth the effort. When my sister-in-law throws a fit or complains to my brother or whatever, it can be very hard for me. Not only do I love my brother and want him to feel loved and supported, but I also want there to be acknowledgement of the fact that I am putting a crazy amount of effort into this all for them. Not only is it already a lot of time and effort, but I’m doing it while still recovering for birth and while caring for our newborn. Not to mention the trauma with which w were presently dealing. For whatever reason, saying “Thank you” or “Thanks” just isn’t enough to feel seen and acknowledged.

Hmm…

Post-a-day 2025

Hope

Dear Lord, please, heal us of this situation. Keep us together. Grant us many, many years together as a beautiful, loving, holy family. Thank you for these trials and how they help us grow closer to you. Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. Please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Faith

It feels more possible now, while still feeling utterly terrifying. Today was very difficult in many ways. I had anticipated finding relief from today, yet found higher stress and anxiety.

Perhaps God is cleansing us of something necessary to release.

Lord, I trust in you – I believe. Help my unbelief, please! Guide us clearly in this. Make us well and keep us safe and together, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Power

Please, be kind and be smart. You never know how much you can affect other people’s lives, be it for the good or for the bad… so, choose to do it for the good in their lives. Please.

God, guide us clearly, please. Direct our tongues with ease. Heal this situation and make us all a better family from it. Keep us together and well and safe, please. Please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

GIVE US A BRAKE

Growing up, I saw these signs all around town due to the constant road construction one can find in the greater Houston area. I asked about what they meant. They read “GIVE US A BRAKE” and have a silhouette character of a construction worker. I was told that they are to let people know there are people working up ahead, so to be careful and slow down to keep them safe.

I struggled with this explanation, because I had thought originally that it was something like, though I didn’t know the word at the time, a protest by the workers. They didn’t like having to work so much under such conditions. They wanted a rest from their work, but especially from the unfair and unsafe expectations of drivers who honked and fussed all the time at them. However, the two ideas came together when I understood that, by having cars slow down, the workers were getting their safer environment, their better working conditions.

In seventh grade, I did a science fair project with a classmate where we talked about water surface tension and how soap affected it. All throughout the text on our tri-fold display board, we had the word “brake”, used in phrases like, “brake the surface of the water”. Our teacher called us over to look at the display with him. He began asking us questions to help us see an error we had committed. It didn’t make sense to me, what he was leading us to see. I understood that we had used the word “brake”. I did not understand why the word was not right, however. It was in that conversation that I discovered consciously – yes, for the first time – that there were two different words, homonyms: brake and break. I was utterly embarrassed at our poster board at that point, as it was covered in the wrong word. Yes, I had seen and used both versions of the word plenty in my life. But it had never occurred to me that the homonyms aspect existed.

I do believe that it was around this time that, upon seeing one of the road construction signs, their message finally made true sense to me(!): They were a play on words.

I think no one had ever mentioned that part to me. So, though I had definitely read and used the word “break” plenty of times, having the phrase “Give us a brake,” ingrained in my mind won out during the writing of the text for our science fair project.

So, that sucked.

I see the signs today, and it feels almost like they taunt me. They even seem a bit mean, though, as I believe they’re actually written “Give us a BRAKE”, or something similar to where only the last word is in all caps. What’s wrong with, “Slow down – workers present”? Nothing. But these signs really got to me on their lack of inclusivity. What do foreigners visiting do to understand the play on words? Though, they probably wouldn’t understand the idiomatic expression I’d always understood in the first place, so it wouldn’t matter. Even still, it both feels clever – I love plays on words – and feels mean.

Okay, that’s all for tonight. Still have the terror. God, heal us from this terror, please. Grant us success is resolving the whole situation well and with ease. Guide us clearly and always. Help us to be the best we can be, together, as a family with our daughter. Please. Keeps us safe and well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Learning

I went to someone else’s house today. The family earns a lot of money, as I understand it. I learned a lot more about them as people after seeing their home today. I am grateful for the visit for many reasons. I told my mom afterward that she would have been proud of me for being chill in the environment and for not panicking. She understood completely and expressed clearly that she was proud of me, though she hadn’t been there. She understood.

Thank you, God, for showing me that I am more successful than I thought at managing our home. Thank you for my mom. Thank you for giving me the drive always to improve and to better myself. Help me continue to better myself each day, and help me to support those in my life to do the same. Thank you for this life and for this love coming from all around me. Thank you for our home. Guide us clearly in our next steps, please. Keep my daughter and my husband and me safe, please, and make us well. Keep all my loved ones safe, please, and make them well. Grant my grandma your love and will, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Being helpful

I always like being helpful. I no longer feel a need to be helpful, as I did for a long time in my life. I genuinely enjoy being helpful. There is a freedom and lightness in it that rarely was present before. Ever since I got clear on a few things, it has become a true delight for me in life, being helpful. Mostly, I love sharing with others, teaching them. It hardly matters the subject matter – if I can teach someone something about something, I tend to love doing it.

And I find that really cool.

It also can be exhausting at times, though, because I get so excited about sharing this and that, and oh, I can share that, too… There’s a lot to know in this world. So, there’s a lot to be shared and taught. I can’t and won’t share everything I know, but my brain sure sometimes does its best to do so(!). Haha

Post-a-day 2025