Month: May 2025

And I thought clothing sizing was already stupid. Now, I’m dealing with clothing sizing for baby clothes.

Here’s what I found for how most of the world does it compared to how the US does it:

You see the centimeters column, yes? They size their outfits using the number of centimeters. They are sizes like 50, 60, 70. While it is convenient that the US says the rough estimate of how old a child will be when it fits in the clothing, making it a bit more logical and easy to process for new or soon-to-be parents and grandparents and random friends buying for the parents, the actual measurements of that clothing across brands varies incredibly. So, it ends up only kind of being helpful. Perhaps, if the US used the measurements of the centimeter system, sizing could be consistent across brands, though, which would be awesome.

Then again, people are idiots, as this shows in the first place.

With that, I bid you goodnight.

Post-a-day 2025

There’s nothing quite like getting nap-trapped into a good movie late at night with one’s husband. I wanted a feel-good film for a bit before bed tonight. I also really wanted to snuggle with my husband. My husband understood that I was feeling lonely and needy physically, so he snuggled up to me voluntarily as I started the movie. I don’t think he intended to stay for the whole film. However, I had intentionally picked a movie I knew he liked so that he would stay with me at least a bit longer – he tends to run away almost immediately on movies he doesn’t like. So, he stayed because he was engrossed in the movie, as we both easily could have predicted based on the movie selection. He then stayed the entire film because he was so tired, he fell asleep. I hadn’t intended to watch the whole film. But he was so sweet curled up with me, and it felt just so wonderfully cozy and loving and fulfilling being with him on the sofa (halfway trapped underneath his head and with my legs squashed between his). So, I had kind of trapped him initially, and then he kind of trapped me. The result was that we both stayed cuddled on the sofa for the whole film together, and it was lovely and needed by us both.

Thank you, God. Please, guide us always clearly and kindly. Make us well and keep us safe and together, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I go out with friends to restaurants to hang out with them but not eat, because we don’t have the money for the meal out. Yet, in order for my husband to get to the point faster of making enough money to support our family, we need to procure a small airplane. Yes, those are double-digit-thousands of dollars. And I worry too much to spend $20 on restaurant food. Irony can be both hilarious and terrible at times.

God, guide us clearly into our next step always, please. Help us to be the best people we can be, the people you call us to be and made us to be. Make us well, and keep us safe and together, please. Grant my husband some ease in this process, that he see that he is on the right path. Thank you for our home and this family and love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Will I get back to truly sleeping well at night, and be rested to start my days again?

Just wondering.

It hurts me so much mentally and psychologically not being strong and fit and exercising daily anymore. I don’t know what to do differently to make it happen, though. I’ve attempted several ideas for putting into place a schedule. Not a single one has worked, however.

Maybe in another month or so my baby will be able to chill enough for me to work out while caring for her. I’m not sure how to last another month without hitting some really harsh depression, but that seems to be the only option at present.

God, help me, please. Help me to be fully well and to care for myself, that I might care best for my family. Keep us safe and make us well and together, please. Help us to be the people you call us to be, the best people we can be. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

The correct term is “scared”. I am scared for my mother. I’m not sure why. But the situation with her house truly scares me now. It was bad before. It had been bad for quite some time. But it is now scary, and I feel a drive to step up and make something happen.

But will it be any true help if I force something to change? Will it not simply return to just as it is now whenever I step back out of it? Perhaps there is a middle ground in which I can support her in voluntarily handling it herself. The main issue, I suppose, is whether she actually wants things to be different from how they are now. I think she does. I think, too, that she might also be scared of the situation. Perhaps avoiding it is how she copes with it. And I keep going back to the question: Is it even any of my business to step in at all? I don’t know.

Perhaps God can make it clear for me. I want her to be well and safe and whole and happy and fulfilled. I want her to be free from this negativity and this oppressive situation. I want the best for her and her well-being, and the present state is not that.

So, what do I do?

God, help us to see clearly my role in this matter. Guide me with ease and total clarity forward, please. Heal my mom and this situation that weighs so heavily. Immediately, please, as only you can do. Release her of this strain and pain. Make us well and keep us safe and together as a family, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

“I had diarrhea again today,” I told him. He was empathetic. I told him that I’m not sure how to feel about it, but we’ll just have to keep an eye on it.

“Why’s that?” he asks

“Because I had diarrhea for two weeks both times I got pregnant.”

He bursts out laughing. I smile and begin to chuckle. He keeps laughing. His laughing is infectious. I ask him why he’s laughing. He barely squeaks out, “I can’t stop,” and continues laughing heartily, almost like a little kid who’s just heard the funniest of jokes. We are both laughing. It is a wonderful shared experience of laughter through the phone, and it goes on for minutes.

After we’ve calmed down, I ask him why specifically he was laughing. “We did it once,” he says incredulously. I remind him that that was what happened the other two times I got pregnant, too.

Later, I mention that it is all up to God, but that, if this is the case, then God has a sense of humor, and it’s a strong one(!). My husband agrees and says that that was why he was laughing. 

Indeed, it would be humorous. But it also feels daunting. But then, having another pregnancy and newborn while already having another child under our care seems daunting at any time. So, not much difference now versus later, in that sense.

However, I found myself scared of not giving full care and attention to our daughter who is already here. I feel my entire being wanting to care for her and give her all of my caring attention. I don’t want to take anything away from her. The thought of splitting my attention away from her kind of terrifies me. I want the best for her. But then, I suppose, God does, too. And He would do what is best for her.

Jesus, I trust in you. Guide me clearly and safely, please. Make us well and keep us safe and together, please. If it is, make it whole and well, too, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I sent my husband camping for the week. Originally, I’d asked him to be home for our scheduled coffee date Thursday morning. However, I told him I knew it would be good for him to stay a bit longer, so we could plan to reschedule our date in order for him to stay the whole week camping. I was very glad when he agreed to stay longer, because I know how much he loves camping and how good it is for him to be able to rest away from the stress of everything in the everyday. At least every once in a while, anyway, and it has been a long while since he has been camping. So, he’s set to stay another few days at this point, and my coffee date tomorrow morning will be with my baby girl, which still will be lovely.

Oddly, though, just as I was noticing this morning that I was doing fine in terms of not missing my husband too much, and how it was clearly a good idea for him to stay a bit longer, I was struck very strongly tonight by a desire to have him back home – I just started missing him so much.

I mean, I’ll be fine until he gets home. But I still definitely miss him.

I’m also exhausted and can barely think… haha

Post-a-day 2025

Sometimes, I wonder if people are aware of their hypocrisy, even to a tiny degree, or if they are utterly blind to it.

One of my best friends always used to say how one of her biggest pet peeves was when people took out trash without replacing the bag. Yet she did just that more than half the time. I halfway felt like I lived at her apartment just from the number of times I put a new bag in the trash can after she had taken out the trash (and not immediately beforehand, but hours, at least). I always wondered at this. Perhaps she does hate it and knows that she does it, and so also hates it when she does it. It’s definitely something that drives me nuts, too, but I make extra effort not to do it. Whenever I do get distracted and don’t replace the bag immediately, I am annoyed at myself for causing the later-on hassle for myself.

More recently, when walking with the neighbor who also just had a baby, she mentioned to me how much she hates when other moms tell her, “Just wait ’til ____,” with the blank’s being some difficult or annoying aspect of motherhood or pregnancy that is supposedly worse than her current situation. When she said this to me, of course, my immediate thoughts were, Yes, just like you did to me all throughout pregnancy? I hate that, too. Naturally, I didn’t say this. But it really had me wonder if she has any idea whatsoever that she did exactly that to me against me again throughout our pregnancies (she was roughly three weeks further along than I was). Ironically, I think I got zero of the symptoms she had mentioned to me in that context. We had very different pregnancies. Which can be clearly seen in the fact that she misses being pregnant, even while acknowledging that ‘there were not-great parts’. I was grateful for my pregnancy, but the positives kind of ended there for me. I was very sick almost the entire time, and actually incapacitated for two months, then barely functional for three months. It was not an easy or enjoyable time for me, and I do not long for that time back the way she does. I long for being able to take care of my physical health and well-being. That’s what I miss these days. Not being pregnant.

Anyway… tangent there… the whole point was that I find myself wondering whether they realize they’re complaining about something that they do all the time. I have things like that for myself, things I dislike yet know that I do. But I’m working on improving and ending my time of doing those things. Is that normal, though? I suppose the typical idea of hypocrisy is that someone would be unaware of his own hypocrisy… otherwise, perhaps it wouldn’t be hypocrisy in the first place…

Yeah… okay, goodnight.

Post-a-day 2025

I FaceTimed with my husband briefly today so that he could see his daughter. When I saw his face, I was instantly overjoyed. Not because I had wanted to see him, though I had, but because he was just so incredibly happy. There was no doubt for me that he was in his happy place. And yes, I’m sure he was stinky already, and possibly also somewhat dirty (like actual dirt). So, it wasn’t like I would have loved being there, too. But I do wish that I could enjoy such an environment just so I could share in his utter delight in camping and being so fully in nature.

He mentioned that we ought to go tot he next RV show when one is in town, just so we could take a look. I think he’s right. If we had a new one, I might be able to handle the environment. And that would be a game-changer for my ability to go to all these wonderful parks I long to visit and to see all the stars in the night sky like I regularly dream about seeing. That certainly would be very cool.

God, thank you for this joy for my husband. Please, keep him and us and our home safe. Make us well and keep us so. And always show us clearly our next step forward in pursuing and fulfilling your will in our lives. Thank you for this life and this love. Help my cousin to feel the same, please, and grant her your grace of love and your ease, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I have sent my husband camping. I wish I enjoyed camping, because nature is spectacular and camping is super affordable and has the best sights and lack of distractions. But I don’t enjoy it. In fact, I find camping to be rather miserable. I maybe could glamp, but only maybe. It would have to be super high level glamping. Really, I like houses in the woods, in the mountains, etc. Enjoy as much time out in nature as I like, then go take a nice shower and go to bed in a nice bed in a climate-controlled space. I wonder about how much this is removed from nature and how we were made and designed. I also trust that God will guide me forward with all of this. I have several circumstances which have turned me away from finding enjoyment enough in camping – rather, which have made camping horrible for me even to consider truly doing – and those would need to be resolved in order for me to be able to camp without constant breakdowns.

Anyway, so, I’ve sent my husband off camping. He loves to camp. He also has been immensely stressed lately. He also is wanting and needing to drop some weight. But he gets very mean when he is hungry. He has been saying often that he needs to hide away in a hole so he can cut calories and not interact with anyone. Since he just finished his necessary schooling, and he has a few interviews on the books starting next week, I figured now was a perfect time for him to take a small retreat into the wilderness, both for himself and for me. I need him to let go of this intense stress that he is letting control him. It is up to him to choose to be happy, but I do understand how much pressure he has put himself under right now, and that that makes it a whole lot more effort for him to choose happiness right now. (I’m not saying I agree with his tactics and behavior lately, but I get it.) Hopefully, this week can be the needed reset for him on all fronts, and he can come home this weekend refreshed and heading in a positive direction on all fronts.

God, thank you for this opportunity. Please, keep my husband safe and well. Help him to find you and your joy on this trip, that he might choose to be himself fully all the time and to love who you made him to be. Please, keep us safe and make us well. Keep us together, too, please. Thank you for our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025