It is time for her to sleep on her own bed again. The pediatrician has given us great guidelines and a good plane and timeline for having this succeed, and in a way that truly protects the psychological welfare of us and of our child. Game on. God, guide us, please. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
Because once wasn’t enough in one day, I had to deal with a poop-covered baby twice today.
The first time, it got all over the inside of her bear suit. My mom laughed and commented about whether it still smells of a bear poops and no one is around. I told her that I definitely didn’t hear it but totally smelled it.
The second time, she was just in a diaper, but it got all over me.
Both times, she put her hands in it and tried to grab me, and then ended up in the shower (though, I was with her the second time in the shower).
Post-a-day 2025
“This is just the beginning of my fawning over you in ridiculous ways,” I declared to my daughter tonight, just after being super excited as I talked to her about how she is nine months old now.
And I am looking forward to it, as each occasion arises.
Thank you, God, for these blessings and for this love. Help me to be the person you call me to be. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
A large black ant crawled in my arm yesterday at the park and bit me. I crushed it and was sad about having crushed it, and also slightly annoyed at its having bitten me.
Today, however, as I was leaving the house, I discovered a large welt on my arm where the ant had bitten me, roughly an inch in diameter. I put stuff on it and head out. My mom was worried when she saw it, and she kept checking on it throughout the afternoon and evening. She felt like it might have gotten a bit larger throughout the day. However, her eyesight isn’t great, so this is not a reliable guesstimate. To me, it felt to be roughly the same as when I had discovered it. However, I couldn’t really see it due to its location.
Fortunately, I just got this supposedly great homeopathic insect bite stuff (for my daughter, but anyone can use it). So, I took the drops tonight and also put one directly on the welt for extra treatment, as directed by the doctor who had originally recommended it to us (also for ant bites).
I also looked up ant bite reaction photos on yahoo (because my phone is having a severe issue with Google right now due to something about server identity and verifying it or establishing a reliable connection with it… so my phone tells me all throughout the day, supposedly because of my IP address assigned to me phone by the phone company being messed up or something…), and found that a mild local reaction (“Localised urticarialreaction to ants”) can look almost exactly like the welt on my arm. So, that was a relief to have it mostly confirmed, as well as to learn that it is still no cause for concern, though it could last up to ten days(!).
I’m hoping it will be gone by tomorrow night.
God, heal me, please. Keep my husband and child safe and well, please, and show us the next step forward, please. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
My head has been pounding for hours at this point. Food and water have helped, but not fully resolved. So, I shall try now sleep.
God, heal me, please, and make us safe and well. Show us our next step clearly in your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
While I waited for my husband to finish pooping so that he could take our daughter from me in the shower, I figured it was the perfect time for me to catch up on the two missed nights of squats from my physical therapy exercises. I’ve had a handful of very hard nights when getting ready for bed recently, and so I’ve been aiming to get things done as fast as possible and to be lying in bed, ready to sleep, when I nurse my daughter for the last time before bed. In my haste and stress – because having a crying baby chasing me down or trying hard to grab and suck on the toilet really adds some stress to the routine – I have forgotten to do the squats before getting onto the bed. The other exercises are all things I can do once on the bed, so I manage to do all of those. But I have missed the squats twice, and then also forgotten to do them when she has finished nursing (It really takes her a while at bedtime.). So, I did them all on the shower, plus three extras for good luck. Then, I figured I’d do a third set of three extras, so that I’d have three sets of three extras, like a little blessing from God. And then I remembered that I still had to do the ones for tonight…
So, I did a total of 90 squats in the shower, plus the three bonus sets of three each. Super silly, but also super cool and fun in its way(!).
Post-a-day 2025
I honestly don’t know what to write about tonight. I’m so tired of all the same problems, I don’t want to get into them in any way… yet again. My husband was actually pretty great tonight when he got home. He said to me directly, ‘I love you. You know that my poor communication has nothing to do with you or with my love for you.’ And he said this while holding me (after I asked him to hold me for a minute), increasing its impact. It seemed like he said it because he understood why I needed to be held, that I was very much not okay after the lack of communication and my being left alone for longer than expected yet again. (Not to mention he had the day off of work, so we should have been able to spend time together. Though, that didn’t happen, and he got home as late as usual, roughly when I had wanted to be getting ready for bed already.)
He is dealing with a lot. I am dealing with a lot. We were both already dealing with a lot in the first place. Now it has increased.
God, please, help our baby to sleep in her own bed well again. Give us all great sleep each night. Help us to be our best selves. Make us well and keep us safe and whole. Help us to feel like a family, and to be a family. Thank you for our home and this life. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
Having a breakdown creates an opportunity for a breakthrough.
God, guide me through this breakdown and into a spectacular breakthrough, please. Keep my husband and disgusted safe and well and whole, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
Is it nature or nurture?
When babies are born, they cry until their needs are met. Adults, and women especially, are wired to respond to the cries immediately and with haste. We cannot fight the instinct – not for long, anyway – of resolving the cries and needs of a baby. (Now, I don’t mean toddler, but baby.)
So, is this not a situation showing that instant gratification in part of our nature? (And, even, that crying gets us what we need?)
How bizarre… I mentioned this to someone yesterday at my physical therapy appointment. It was very odd for me to consider, and the woman agreed. Because, if we are wired for a sort of instant gratification, not only does that explain why we have such a hard time of kicking it as we grow up, but it also calls to mind the question of whether we are even meant to give it up. Is it something meant to serve us on a deeper level in life, and we just have been misplacing or misinterpreting it? How could we be better at life if we used the natural desire for instant gratification to our benefit? How could it actually be to our benefit?
I shall be thinking on this.
Post-a-day 2025
My baby has been sleeping with me the past few weeks. I don’t prefer it as a whole, but it gives me multiple hours more of sleep each night. It isn’t great sleep, but it averages to much more sleep than I was getting before, when she was in her crib even the first part of the night.
You see, when she sleeps in her crib, I have to be awakened slowly and miserably by her cries and lug myself, sleep deprived, into the other room at least twice a night. Then I have to sit in the chair in there while she nurses and keep myself awake, so that I don’t drop her (a real fear that I’m not willing to risk). It usually take 20-45 minutes to get her back to bed, nursing included. Oh, but it also usually take about an hour to out her to bed in the first place, because she keeps not being done nursing. So, I end up with stints of only 2-3 hours of sleep throughout the night. Super sucky. It makes 10 hours of sleep feel like four. It makes four hours of sleep also feel like four. It just leaves me utterly exhausted.
And so, I started just bringing her into my bedroom the second time she woke up during the night. The time I was beyond tired and had clearly left her crying for more than a few minutes because I couldn’t physically wake myself up enough to move. (Despite being awake mentally, due to the crying.)
That made a positive difference in how I felt each day. I was a step above miserable, but it was still a massive improvement.
Then, I was beyond tired one night, and I just lay down on my bed to nurse her before putting her to bed… and then I just went ahead and turned off the lights and went to sleep myself.
And I’ve been doing that ever since.
I’m still tired, but now I’m just tired. I’m not a miserable mess all day, every day, simply due to sleep. I’m not crying constantly because I can’t regulate myself and my emotional reactions. I can function now. Not greatly, no. But I am functioning again. And it feels awesome.
Of course, it makes me wish I had even better sleep. Because, though I stay in bed almost the whole night – I do have to get up to pee at least once, if not twice, still – it is a slightly disturbed sleep. I always have to keep tabs on the baby. But I only have to hit half-consciousness whenever she wakes, crying, and pull her toward me. Then we both fall right back to sleep while she nurses, and neither of us has to open our eyes, even.
Anyway, time to sleep now. She’s passed out in my arms. I tried putting her in the crib, but she freaked out and screamed a bit. So, she’s been nursing again while I sit on my bed, and I’m too tired to stay awake anymore tonight. Unless my husband wants to surprise me by coming to check on us – unlikely – she’ll be in here again for the whole night.
God, guide us all to sleep better than we have been sleeping. Heal our fears. Guide us clearly and kindly always. Close the case quickly in a positive direction for us, please. Show us our exact next steps for this all, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
hannah ananas 