I’ve noticed very recently that my subconscious has started to evaluate men again. Only the ones of a certain age range and wellness, but it has started to evaluate, nonetheless. Every time it happens, it makes me almost literally gag, and my stomach does a sort of nauseated lurch as I turn away, frowning. I do not like this. I do not like it at all.
And I especially do not like what it is suggesting.
As far as my subconscious is concerned, I am without a partner. And so, it has begun slowly looking for one, evaluating the quality and compatibility of the men I cross. My brain used to do it all the time. But it stopped pretty much instantly the day I met my husband.
However, he has been pretty distinctly absent from my life lately, and even more so these past couple weeks, and my brain knows it. And that scares me. Not that I ever would do anything to pursue it – I’m not afraid of that. I am afraid of the part where I have no control over my subconscious’s doing this. And I hate the experience of its happening in the moment, too.
God, free me from these fears, please. Help my husband and me to have the relationship we each need and want – help us to be our best selves with and through one another. Please, heal me of this utter loneliness. And please, keep my husband and baby safe and well and whole, and keep us always together as a family. Thank you for our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
hannah ananas 