Month: December 2025

I have been working on building up our freezer supply of breastmilk again. Though it was a struggle at first to be consistent with using the haakaa again, I eventually got used to it, and so did my breasts. My right releases milk so much more easily than my left, so I tend to use the haakaa more often on it than on the left one. And I am able to squeeze it manually to get a lot more milk out of a single nursing session than I get out of the left one with squeezing. So, my right breast has been producing a noticeable amount more than my left lately. Coincidentally, last night, my baby nursed almost exclusively on the left side throughout the night (I mostly just let her have whatever she grabs during the night when she sleeps with me, as any main goal is to fall back asleep as soon as possible whenever she wakes me up with her hungry cries.). So, very bizarrely, I woke up this morning with my right breast incredibly swollen and looking like it was an implant, much like the first days after birth, when my milk first came in. But this was just on the one side. It was way goofy. And, yes, it also was uncomfortable and tight with the pressure build-up.

Fortunately, she was hungry still, as she usually is in the morning, so we relieved that pressure almost as soon as I noticed it. But it was wild, to be sure. I certainly will be more intentional about balancing the breast usage throughout the night now. I typically have just enough awareness to make sure she is using the left side as close to half the time as I can manage, so they can remain about the same size and produce similar levels of milk, as much as is possible. But last night proved to be a 100% night for the left side(!). Haha

Yes, I know that I am ridiculous and a dork.

Thank you, God. Please, keep us safe and show us your will clearly and kindly, each step of the way. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

It is cold out tonight, and that is wonderful.

Thank you, God, for our home and our family. Thank you for these cuddles on these cold nights. Please, keep my husband and our daughter and me safe, and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I asked for help tonight in a new and specific way. We shall see how it goes, but it feels like it could be quite helpful in the end. Even if this particular request is not met with the asked-for help, my having asked was a great step all on its own, and I am grateful for the progress.

Thank you, God. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I just might go to a movie tomorrow, alone with my baby, early in the morning, after I go to the 7:30AM Mass at the church here… What?!

God, guide us clearly and kindly, please. Keep my husband and our baby and me safe and well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Everyone seems to be adamant that I need to take better care of myself and to balance out my tasks and to include outside things that fulfill me, but almost no one actually shows up to support me in doing any of that. And they wonder why I just keep getting more exhausted and my tolerance for things gets lower and lower.

A rare few have stepped up and concretely helped me to do some of these things, and those occasions have been absolutely awesome. They have reminded me that I can be a real person still and that I am actually loved.

Thank you for those occasions and for my home. Please, keep my husband and my baby and me safe, and make us well. Please, help us to be kind and gentle with one another whenever we are hurting. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I really miss my husband. He is doing very important work right now in preparing to care for his family for the rest of our lives, and it is likely to be this way only for the next five weeks at most. However, doing that work under the current time restraints means that we have very, very little time together. What’s more, our time together is often strained by the knowledge that every hour spent not in an airplane affects when he reaches his goal. (And that matters, a lot – much more than most people would imagine or understand.) And also by minimal sleep for either of us. He is getting himself just enough to function and to work safely and effectively. I am scraping by with a baby who wakes up every two hours, crying like she hasn’t eaten in more than half a day… aka I get very little deep and fully restful sleep.

I can’t even think anymore right now – I need to sleep.

God, please, keep my husband and our daughter and me safe and make us well. Guide us in all ways. Show us your will make clear our next step always, please. Thank you for these opportunities to grow and to love. Thank you for our home and our daughter. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

P.S. It almost isn’t 2025 anymore. And that is very weird for me. Where went the nineties, again??????

Sometimes, it feels like progress is being made, but then it turns out is it much slower than understood. And sometimes, progress is being made, but something else is necessarily regressing terribly in response. Both situations suck, and so know them both better than I’d like right now.

Post-a-day 2025

It turns out that my cousin and I just view something very differently. Normally, that wouldn’t be an issue. But money got involved before I discovered that we viewed it so differently. So, now we’re dealing with the repercussions of that. My aunt seemed supportive of our ability to sort it out. I don’t know how my cousin feels about it all, but I’ve said what I feel I needed to say, and am okay moving forward from it at this point. However, that will be different if she has things she still needs to say about it all. If that is the case, then I think I’ll just need to communicate that she and I see the whole thing differently, which ties into that I had needed to talk with my husband before she and I had done anything. But I was beyond exhausted and overwhelmed and needed things to be handled in a hurry, so I just accepted what she requested without speaking up for the discomfort I felt at the time.

Anyway, that sucks, but my aunt had me feel encouraged tonight.

Thank you, God, for this opportunity for growth. Help us both to grow well and lovingly. Guide me to have your words. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

My mom has reached the point of stress at which she has almost no fuse at all, and so everything that goes slightly amiss or uncomfortably turns almost immediately into her either yelling nastily at me or actually just screaming at me. It sucks big time. And she wonders why I don’t want to be around the person who is the source of all of this. This sucks. I don’t have my mom, and she doesn’t have… sanity… peace… joy… freedom of self-expression. This really sucks.

Thank you, God, for the blessing from your priest tonight, and thank you for calling him to your work. Please, keep my husband and my baby and me safe and make us well. Heal my mom, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

It seems my friend, be it intentionally or not, taught my daughter how to roar yesterday morning. And now, my daughter does it all the time. It is hilarious, of course, and totally adorable. But, when I try to do it with her back and forth, it ends up hurting my throat a bit. I hope her throat is okay and that she’s doing it in a way that is positive and safe. Haha. Because it takes me several tries to find a happy spot vocally while still producing the right sound. Who knew growling and roaring could be so strenuous on the body? It makes sense, but I definitely never thought about it until now(!).

Out of coincidence, I put my baby in a set of her new Christmas pajamas tonight for the first time, and they happen to be ones with a big T-Rex on the front (in a Santa hat, I think…). As she started growling and roaring at me just before bed, it was hilarious. Like she and the dinosaur were both roaring at me adorably.

Thank you, God. Please, keep us safe and make us well and whole. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025