Month: December 2025

A friend came over this morning to help me get my home ready for brunch. She helped me clean, tidy, and cook. And she did with with a smile on her face and in a great mood. It was wonderful on multiple levels.

The whole reason she was here, of course, was because my mom had been unreliable and not helped babysit so that I could get these same things done beforehand. And the whole reason I was hosting was because my mom couldn’t do it at her own house. And then, at the end of it all, my mom barely helped clean up before trying to leave. I then kind of required her to be more helpful before she left, and she was, though only to a degree. She left the task I gave her only partially completed. And she complained to me about how I needed to leave for my next thing, as I finished the task she hadn’t finished. And I genuinely believe that it is extremely likely that she had no idea that she hadn’t been very helpful and completed what I had asked her to do.

And that sucks.

God, help to heal my mom sooner, please. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for M. Please, keep my sub and and our baby and me safe, and make use well. Give us great sleep tonight and each night. Thank you for our home. Keep it safe and well, too, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I was frustrated tonight that dinner plans changed, and I was worried about whether I could keep myself together emotionally. However, I ended up sharing honestly about how I was doing and why, and things ended up being amazing. It also turned out that one friend was also having a really hard time and hadn’t been able to share with anyone about it until tonight. And both friends did an amazing job at helping me take care of my baby. I was still on charge of her and caring for her, but they both spent some time holding her and managing where she was going and with what she was playing. It was a huge relief to be able to sit down for a little while and just stay seated, resting. And to be able to eat my food while it was fresh and warm. But it was also good to be in the company of people who understood, in their own way, and encouraged me regarding my struggles. The three of us are at very different places in our lives, but they somehow overlap just enough that we can all get it, whatever it is. (I hadn’t thought of that until just now. But that is very cool.)

Post-a-day 2025

Tonight, I found myself screaming because of my baby and then screaming because of my husband. I was not okay, and I am not okay. And it hurts so much to be so horrible towards them, I feel all the worse. I’m really not sure what to do at this point. My limits have been hit in so many levels, I can barely function. And I’m supposed to be hosting a brunch in a day and a half. And no, I don’t have any help to prepare the house or any food for it.

Meanwhile, I need to pee so I can go to sleep, but my child has fallen asleep on my arm, and I’m desirous that I not wake her… so, I’m avoiding moving, even though I have to move if I want to go to sleep. I also need to check on my husband and make sure he’s okay. And set his alarms and mine.

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Our baby is so close to her first words, and I’m not even joking when I say that my husband’s efforts to make something very specific be her first words is starting to look like it might succeed.

Thank you, God. Keep us safe and make us well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Today, I got an horchata to-go after breakfast with my mom. I had ordered one just to see if it was good the first time she’d taken us to this new Mexican restaurant. Horchata is one of those drinks that is either gross or like home. This one had been delicious. By far one of the best I’d ever had. Everyone agreed, once they had tried it, too. I was worried today that it wouldn’t be as good as I had remembered it. That it just would be better than the crap I often find around town, but not be delicious on its own – only by comparison.

But the chefs came through on this one – it was truly delicious. So, so tasty, I happily gulped it here and there all day long. Even had another big sip tonight before getting ready for bed. Totally delicious.

Thank you, God, for this lovely surprise and gift. In your name, I pray. Amen.

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My mom and I are meeting after an appointment I have tomorrow morning. I asked her if she wanted to have brunch or coffee together. Then asked if she wanted to let me go get a massage while she babysat, and I laughed. The whole point is for us all three to spend time together, and she had already told me that she only has about an hour and a half, anyway. So, I know the last one isn’t happening. But it was a fun idea to throw out. Because I could really use the massage.

Maybe I’ll get one of the college girls to come babysit so I can get a massage with the vouchers we already have…

God, please, keep my husband and our baby and me safe, and make us well. Especially, heal my physical body now, please. Thank you for our home and our family. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Whenever my husband is gone, I still feel the need to keep the baby in the bedroom with me and lock the bedroom door. It isn’t that we’re in a neighborhood that isn’t safe. It’s just that I feel a whole lot better having more locks and doors between me and anyone who may make some bad decisions during the night.

God, please, keep us safe. Keep my husband and baby and me safe and well, and help us to follow your will happily and freely. Thank you for our family and for our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

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I spent the whole day today tidying and cleaning, and then getting out and setting up Christmas decorations. It made me very sad to see how messy things still were, and how much that dampened the effect of the Christmas decorations. But I did the best I could with the time and energy and circumstances available to me. If I weren’t also being a full-time Mom, I could have slept well the ten months beforehand, and I could have had both the energy and the ability to tidy up all the rest of the stuff, too. But I was and am exhausted, and I had a baby getting into everything all day long and then she required me to carry her around for the majority of the evening and into the night, as I kept working. So, only so much got done.

I hope it brightens my days as I had hoped it would, and I hope my husband enjoys it. Especially despite the mess of everything else… I’m really concerned about all of that. It really messes with the effect of the Christmas décor. ::big sigh

Post-a-day 2025

Life is a lot harder when tired. But it seems infinitely more important to focus on being kind when one is tired if others are also tired. Because a well-slept person can handle some rudeness from a clearly-tired person. But an exhausted one just can’t handle even the slightest meanness or rudeness, even if he can see that the one expressing it is also exhausted. Everything just hurts so much more easily and so much more. And, sometimes, we just hurt each other back and forth in immediate succession because we are both exhausted and can’t regulate at all anymore.

Being kind in the face of frustration while tired is very difficult to do. But God is giving me the chance to practice it again and again(!)… ::sigh

Thank you, God. Please, keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

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It is really weird how things develop in life sometimes. Some things can get better while there grow worse, and then things can come out of left field and jar one’s whole current mental state. I have all of that tonight. And my toenails keep catching on the sheets, even though I’ve been cutting and filing the past several days to sort out the torn nails from a month or so ago…

It’s just wild sometimes.

God, keep us safe and make us well, please. Show us your will clearly and make it ours. Be kind and gentle, please, but clear. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025