Month: January 2026

Things fall apart

I am struggling more than ever right now to function. My husband is so close to having his hours and to being… well, my husband again, that I am having a hard time focusing. I am beyond exhausted, and I happened to get sick the last week, too, which just added to it all. I am supposed to be arranging the baby’s birthday party while also keeping house and taking good care of the baby and of myself. Spoiler alert: All of these things are suffering right now. I think I just need to go back into the mental mode of not having my husband around for a while longer, as it might help me to reset and start being able to get some more things done. It is so close, I can barely stand it. And maybe it’s like a dog going nuts for a piece of meet it can see right in front of it. Out of sight, out of mind. And the sickness has really drained me energetically (physically), and that has had a big negative effect on my capacities for the day. But the combination of slowly healing from that and mentally resetting about being on my own for a while longer should do some good for us.

God, guide us, please, heal us, and keep us safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2026

Feet

I asked my husband to rub my feet for a minute before I went to sleep, because I knew it would be good for my body in its efforts to heal from whatever infection I am carrying right now. I had no idea that, when he started rubbing them, I would be experiencing a whole ‘nother level of ache. I had zero clue that my feet were as sore as they apparently were. Thank God and thank my husband for the idea and for the relief!

Post-a-day 2026

Bedtime

Tonight, I was ready for bed, but my baby was not. So, I set her on the floor and told her to go do whatever. She happily left the room for about five minutes, then came back with a tissue and a grin, ready to get in bed and nurse. It was stressful at first, but turned out to be lovely in the end. I love that she is getting so independent at times.

Post-a-day 2026

Nursing struggles

When I go to bed with her nursing, she regularly needs to latch on before I am ready for her. So, I end up in bed with her curled up on me, nursing intensely, unable to turn out the lamp on the bedside table, because it is just a little too far out of my reach with her attached. And yes, it is annoying when this happens, which is far too often, especially considering how dumb it sounds. But reaching over to turn off the light usually means having her teeth rip across my nipple as she tries not to let go while I move too far away for her possibly to stay attached. Then she usually cries fiercely. Not fun for either of us.

Post-a-day 2026

Nursing action

While nursing, my daughter makes an effort to grab blindly all sorts of anything that is in her vicinity. Her number one preference, of course, is my other nipple. But, if that is unavailable, she’ll reach for anything she can find. And, if she feels something behind her at any point, she will continue to reach feet her and farther backward in a effort to find whatever it was in the first place.

It is a wild adventure with just her one arm being active most of the time. But she sometimes decided that she needs, still blindly, to fight me. She stands and pushes with arms and legs and twists and turns and moans, all while actively nursing and with eyes shut. It is a very special affair. And yes, it so extremely comical and ridiculous to behold.

Post-a-day 2026

Cold hands

Our daughter crawled into my husband tonight after showering, and he did a kind of yelp and asked her why her hands were so cold, ‘just like your mother’. I told him to imagine that latching onto his nipple. He said that, ‘Yeah, well, you’re used to it,’ saying that, since I regularly have cold hands and feet, it wouldn’t bother me to have freezing cold hands and lips grab onto my breasts and nipples. As if… haha. One has almost nothing to do with the other, as my breasts are never cold like the hands and feet can get. But he seems to think so…

Post-a-day 2026

Understanding

I don’t understand it. When I have something to do, something to accomplish, I look to see what the end goal is, and then I backtrack to see what I need to do in order to achieve the goal or accomplish the task and what the timeframe for each step is.

And some people just don’t do that. And they consistently don’t accomplish the things on time or up to par. And it is baffling to me that they won’t approach it this way, a way they consistently works and that, even, is taught for how to achieve goals. I don’t get it.

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!).

Post-a-day 2026

Reprieve

When my husband finished building his hours, though I will be grateful and glad to see him again, and to be able to exercise again, I think I might be most excited about being able to go to bed at a reasonable time again and not have to deal with a crying baby every single night while getting ready for bed. I am beyond over it, and it crushes me how much I break down each night.

God, guide us lovingly, please. Keep my husband and baby safe and make us well. In your name, I pray.

Post-a-day 2026