Author: hannah.ananas

At the recommendation of my best friend, I expressed some milk today and put it in a bottle for my husband to use tonight, so that he could see about managing the entire process of putting our daughter to bed. Showering, dressing, nursing (via the bottle), and putting her in her crib, wonderfully passed out. My husband seemed game to give it a go, so I just had the first night in months of not having to manage a crying baby while I got myself ready for bed. Not even to stop everything to nurse her. It was wild and absolutely wonderful. The relief it provided feels unreal. I can feel it on my core that I had no idea it could be so easy to get ready for bed anymore. No idea it was possible.

We shall see how things went for my husband and daughter, though. May have been rough for them both. I’ll go check in and nurse her some more if needed (the bottle wasn’t super filled). I’m worried he’ll be borderline furious with frustration, but I’m hoping for the best. This was the first time for this, so I wouldn’t expect it to go flawlessly. But I’m hoping it was a good start to something new we can do sometimes, especially when my husband is able to be home for it, so they can have that intimate and loving time together, and also so that I can not having the screaming frustrations I’ve had most nights lately.

Goff guide us clearly, please. Keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

P.S. I’m pretty sure I am hearing my husband heavily breathing through the baby monitor… in other words, he is probably passed out in her room, holding her in the rocking chair… should I even bother waking him? He needs the sleep, after all…

My mom failed me big time. I was clear about what I would need if we were to do Thanksgiving dinner at our house. She agreed. And then she did not fulfill what she agreed to do. Now, here we are, a day away from it all. I must go to bed early tomorrow, due to the fact that we have the run early Thursday morning. So, I really only have a few hours worth of effort that I will be able to make tomorrow.

The house is not ready. My brain is not ready because of this. I will make the house functional, but it will not be what I had both wanted and needed it to be for my brain to be in a good place and for my emotions to be settled and at ease. And what really sucks about this all is that my mom doesn’t even seem to be awake of how terribly and utterly she let me down and failed me. I have a feeling that, if I were to mention it at all, even very kindly, she would yell at me and start making excuses and blame anyone but herself. So, that wouldn’t really be productive. I think I just need to be sad right now that my mom is struggling and is not helping herself or anyone else, and that she is not reliable at all; she cannot be depended upon to do anything she agrees to do.

St Michael, protect us, please. Thank you, God. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

When my fuse is so short that I can barely manage not to cry profanities toward my child’s behavior, I know it is time to get help, and immediately. I thought I was doing better than I am, but tonight shocked me into the reality of the situation: I am still very much not okay, and I need help. Specific help.

God, help me request and receive the help I need, please. Keep my husband and our baby and me safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Some days, we have just got out limits so many times on the past weeks, we cannot keep it together and stay calm.

Post-a-day 2025

I really enjoyed this wedding. I think I much prefer the events before a wedding to the reception itself. The anticipation and the promise of more togetherness and celebration of the pre-wedding activities just have a certain thrill to them that I prefer. They also give me the experience of being able to leave it and when I want (because there will be more later to attend). Versus always feeling like we har to make the most of the reception, because this is the end of the festivities.

Anyway, I have enjoyed this weekend, despite the reals struggles involved in it (including having to sit almost an hour in the car, waiting to travel the three blocks to get inside the resort’s gates, the resort staff being kind of nasty about it and saying there was plenty of parking and that they had no idea what we were talking about that anyone might be sitting in a like of unmoving traffic for the past half hour already, and then finding that the parking we had already paid for was full from a conference happening, and then being over an hour late to the welcome dinner for the wedding… yeah, that sucked big time.).

Thank you, God, for the time I got to spend with my family this weekend, and for the time I spent with friends. Thank you, too, for the time my family got to spend with each other, too. Please, keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Yeah… I really don’t like being around drunk people. There is the odd-one-out who is actually a very sweet and calm and kind drunk. However, the vast majority are frustrating and/or annoying, and I find life loads more enjoyable not having them around whenever they’re drunk. Intensely so.

Post-a-day 2025

Well, I am going to bed several hours later than anticipated for tonight, and with much more packing than planned to do in the morning. However, the visit tonight with my mom and brother was just great. It was well worth the shift in plans and the lessening of sleep. We haven’t had enough time with him in recent years, and this year especially, so this was a welcome balm. I feel so satisfied after tonight, and in a way I haven’t much felt in the past year. This was awesome.

Thank you, God. Please, keep us all safe and make us well. Help us to sleep very effectively and well tonight especially, and help us to have a wonderful vacation and weekend together this weekend. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I just wish that, on occasion, my husband could surprise me and be home in time for dinner and going to bed together early. So that neither of us is already at the end of the day’s wits, or halfway passing out the moment we sit in bed, or, even, ready to cry from exhaustion.

Dear God, please, keep him safe and well. Always give him safe travel, please, and show us all your way forward with everything. Make your will our will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I stopped reminding my husband about things that matter a lot to me, in order to let him manage them how he wishes to do them, not how I wish for him to do them. I also have stepped back on helping manage his alarms. If he communicates with me in advance what his schedule is, I will set a backup alarm. I especially will do so if he goes to bed in enough time to get a good night’s sleep. But, if he doesn’t let me know before I’m going to bed, he’s managing the next morning on his own.

I was very scared to do that at first, and I still get stressed about it. I don’t want him to get in trouble at work. I don’t want him to be totally distraught, as he has been the few times he’s missed his alarms in the past. But I also don’t want to have to manage it for him. I want him to be responsible for himself. I’d be willing to do it all if he worked with me. But he doesn’t help me, so I’m stepping back. I set my alarms for the next day the evening before, and rarely right before I go to sleep. He doesn’t even start to consider what time he needs an alarm until he is lying in bed, at which point he is usually already falling asleep. So, he has completely missed setting them several nights, except that I have woken him and forced him to set them, or just set them myself on his phone or on my own.

Anyway, I asked him recently to get at least a certain amount of sleep each night, and he has done a very good job of honoring that. He hasn’t done it every night, and he needs more than that amount some nights in order to be fully rested. However, it’s been a move in a good direction for his well-being and my peace of mind.

So, that’s all I have to say about all of that right now.

Thank you, God, for your love and support. Please, keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I gave my daughter about ten minutes to do whatever, so I could relax and breathe a bit. This was the result.

Ugh.

God, help us to thrive and to sleep well each night, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025