Author: hannah.ananas

Today, I had another breakdown and I also got very close to being ill, most likely due to low blood sugar. I also stayed in bed until around 11am, possibly almost noon. Depression chemicals are showing up in heavy force, but we are working on clearing them away quickly and efficiently.

I went for a good and fast and long walk this evening, even though I was tired and frustrated and wanted to go rest instead. That helped the chemicals in my brain, but did not help the already-low blood sugar. So, that was a slightly scary walk home when the illness struck and I felt like I might puke and might fall over, all at once. Fortunately, I still had a snack bar in the stroller – need to add more again, now that I know it’s empty – and that was able to help me function well enough to get home safely. But I did have to call my mom to make sure someone knew what was up and could call for help if anything did go poorly for me. She talked with me those ten-ish minutes and helped remind me to put the snack bar under my tongue so that the sugars could start absorbing as quickly as possible to help my blood sugar. And it made a huge difference. (I still felt like crap, but I had energy enough to get home without falling over or semi-collapsing, which had been a real concern.)

Anyway, my husband got home tonight s the time I had planned out as one that made sense for both of our best interests, and that made for a good night together. Another hour earlier would have been even better for us, but I don’t want to push things for him right now. Maybe we can do a couple nights a week for an 8pm arrival home and the others for 9pm. Something like that. We’ll see how it aligns with his work schedule.

For example, tomorrow, he works until 7pm, but has a three-hour break midday. So, he can go fly midday for s couple hours, then just come straight home after work. Likely, he still won’t be home until about nine, anyway, though, since the flight is still an hour back, then tie-down and driving home usually take about an hour. Well, whatever. Working on it.

God, help us to be well and safe and together, please. Keep my husband and my daughter safe and well and whole, please. And our home, too. Help me to care for it and myself and my family well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Life sucks pretty hard when one can’t sleep well. Feeling that badly right now.

Post-a-day 2025

Sometimes, the clutter all just hits at the same time. We have too much at home. We also have too much that doesn’t have an easy place to go, so it’s either pled semi-randomly or our daughter keeps pulling it out and making it look like a storm just blew through all the time. And my phone storage is filled up suddenly, after years of use. So, starting with the phone stuff tonight, because I couldn’t stand the poor function of the phone any longer, mostly. Hopefully, the rest of the storage and clutter at home will begin tomorrow well. I moved the chairs that were in the way today, so I can possibly start working out at home again now. I also moved some ant poison stuff that I have asked my husband several times never to leave out and never to put anywhere other than with the rest of the poison and bug treatment and yard treatment stuff we have, which is in a cabinet in the garage. I was in a hurry, so it didn’t make it inside the cabinet, but the two bags are right in front of the cabinet and are no longer in the way of my stroller every time I go through the garage. Which is awesome.

Thank you, God, for our home. Help us to care for it well and to treat it well always. Keep my husband and our child safe and well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I let my daughter select her pajamas most nights. She just got a good handful of new ones, since she moved up a size in clothing and we realized we only had a few pajamas in the new size. Tonight was her first chance to choose (since there were actual options now). With stellar selection, she opted for the brand new silly turkeys one. My mom and my husband and I all considered whether to get it or not, because it is clearly tied to Thanksgiving and it isn’t exactly feminine or girly. But we all three were just drawn to it – we simply liked it. Clearly, my daughter felt the same way, which is really cool. Haha

Thank you, God, for my family and our safety and well-being. Please, keep us safe and well. Help us to see clearly each next step, always. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

We are slowly figuring it out. But I think we learned a lot this weekend already that will help us going forward.

Thank you, God, for these opportunities for growth. And thank you, especially, for these chances to be together as a family again. Please, keep us safe and well, especially my husband and our daughter. Thank you for our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Tonight, my mom went to a concert of a friend of mine. And I didn’t mind. I got to listen, and even watch a bit, from the reasonable comfort of my own bed. Yes, my daughter was attacking me as she nursed for a good chunk of the time, but it was still much better if an environment than being out at a club in sketchy downtown Houston at 10:3 at night. It was enough to be out for a semi-late dinner in a loud environment with her. She needed to be home, and I needed to be with her, for the sanity of both of us.

Granted, as I typed that, she bit my nipple, so, not the greatest, after all. But still better than a loud and grungy club late at night, knowing my daughter is either crying or passed out (meaning I won’t get much sleep before she’s up to nurse again).

Anyway, thanks, Mom.

God, keep them safe tonight especially, please. Keep my husband and daughter safe and well always, please. Help us to exude love with one another always. Thank you for our family and home. Please keep it all safe and in your hands. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

We now are on the search for a new schedule with new routines to establish as our daily and weekly routine. The plane is here. It is approved for IFR flight. My husband started commuting daily today. (He got up at 3AM for it…) Now, we just need to find a balance for sleep, spending time together as a family and as a couple, and his flying.

God, guide us clearly and kindly in this, please. Keep my husband and our daughter safe and whole and well, please. Grant us awesome sleep each night together. Keep our home safe. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Well, at least the smell will be gone from the garage now. My husband found two dead rats in traps he had set (but that I hadn’t been able to find when I first discovered the smell this week). He got rid of them tonight, so all should be clear again by tomorrow.

Yay.

I think… haha. So bad that there were two rats to be trapped in the first place. How did they get in? And when? And why?

Ugh.

Post-a-day 2025

I’ve noticed very recently that my subconscious has started to evaluate men again. Only the ones of a certain age range and wellness, but it has started to evaluate, nonetheless. Every time it happens, it makes me almost literally gag, and my stomach does a sort of nauseated lurch as I turn away, frowning. I do not like this. I do not like it at all.

And I especially do not like what it is suggesting.

As far as my subconscious is concerned, I am without a partner. And so, it has begun slowly looking for one, evaluating the quality and compatibility of the men I cross. My brain used to do it all the time. But it stopped pretty much instantly the day I met my husband.

However, he has been pretty distinctly absent from my life lately, and even more so these past couple weeks, and my brain knows it. And that scares me. Not that I ever would do anything to pursue it – I’m not afraid of that. I am afraid of the part where I have no control over my subconscious’s doing this. And I hate the experience of its happening in the moment, too.

God, free me from these fears, please. Help my husband and me to have the relationship we each need and want – help us to be our best selves with and through one another. Please, heal me of this utter loneliness. And please, keep my husband and baby safe and well and whole, and keep us always together as a family. Thank you for our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

W head a friends quest. I did more than half of it. My husband had two lessons to do. He forgot. It was the only time I haven’t just done it myself or set an alarm. Bummer.

But I kind of don’t care anymore. Since there’s no way to freeze the streak, so to speak, and my 99 in a row are now completely forgotten and cannot even be found anywhere, I’m pretty let down by the whole thing. And it makes me not much care about doing so well in the future. Weird, I know. But that’s how it all feels.

The company has been kind of going to crap the past couple years, anyhow, so I won’t be surprised if we end up no longer using the app at all at some point.

Well, it was fun for a long time, Duolingo, until you stopped caring about learning and cares instead about financial profits. Bummer. I used to recommend it to everyone. I rarely recommend it now.

Post-a-day 2025