Author: hannah.ananas

Perhaps it is because I am currently dealing with a desire not to have so much physical stuff in my life, particularly in my home. But I had some trouble today with all of the physical stuff involved in the baby shower we threw. I think it easily could have been paired down by half and still been great. In terms of the effort it took, especially on my mom’s part and how draining it was for her to do, I think things would have been loads better if we had cut it all down by about half.

But it also has left me with a sense of concern around my mom. She always goes kind of over-the-too for events and such. But it felt like she purchased too much stuff this time for the décor. It overwhelmed her and prevented her from getting things done even close to on time, because there were so many tiny details everywhere that only she knew how to set up or arrange. And, more than once, a comment was made to me about how much stuff there was.

What’s more, a lot of it was not throw-away stuff. So, while potentially less wasteful for the planet, that means that all of that stuff now needs to find a home at my mom’s house. And I truly am started to feel scared for her. I’m not sure where the scared is originating. I suppose it is best to look at that first, before determining what, if anything, to do about all of it. I think it scares me because I can see how much it is all weighing on her now. I think it has always weighed on her. It just keeps increasing, and she keeps getting more and more tired from it all, as well as from getting older period. There is definitely a sense of its draining the life and energy and joy out of her. And then, indirectly, from those around her.

Thank you, God, for these considerations. Thank you for today. Thank you for my mother and for her passion and her good will. Please, help her to heal, and quickly. Grant her the freedom from this illness, that she live lightly and freely and passionately and fully self-expressed in the space she is able finally to create and to have around her all the time in life. Thank you for my family and for my home. Help us always to want, to pursue, and to fulfill your will with grace and joy. Show us clearly our next steps always. Keep us safe and well and together, please, especially my husband and baby and me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I don’t understand flaky people. Are they the center of their own worlds, such that they have no idea how their lack of maintaining commitments and agreements affects others? I just don’t understand it. And it isn’t exactly kosher to ask them about it now, is it?(???????) 😛

Dear God, please, help tomorrow to go really well for all of us. Make the house cool enough for us to enjoy ourselves easily. Make the pool warm enough for us to swim afterward. And help our efforts to prove successful in creating an awesome shower and time for all involved. Guide us always clearly, please. And please, keep us safe, make us well, and keep us together. Also, heal my body fully now, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Why do pains have to accompany this? Why??? I just made a human and am busy taking constant care of it. It was enough for the cycles to start up again so soon. But with pain now?? This is very wtf…

God, ease these pains, please. Improve my menstrual cycles from where they were pre-pregnancy, please. Make me whole and well. Please, keep us safe and well and whole and together as a family. Guide us clearly and kindly always, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I am sick and I am not pregnant. And I am menstruating again. All three made me very, very sad in the middle of the night last night, as I discovered the three facts, one right after the other. I trust God and His timing. That does not erase the sadness of the loss of potential life being added to our family. Especially considering all signs pointed to another little someone joining us soon. However, it does give a silver lining of that something better is in store for us this way, as this way is the way God has chosen for us.

Thank you, God, for these opportunities. Help us to see clearly how best to use them to your will and to being our best selves. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

And I thought clothing sizing was already stupid. Now, I’m dealing with clothing sizing for baby clothes.

Here’s what I found for how most of the world does it compared to how the US does it:

You see the centimeters column, yes? They size their outfits using the number of centimeters. They are sizes like 50, 60, 70. While it is convenient that the US says the rough estimate of how old a child will be when it fits in the clothing, making it a bit more logical and easy to process for new or soon-to-be parents and grandparents and random friends buying for the parents, the actual measurements of that clothing across brands varies incredibly. So, it ends up only kind of being helpful. Perhaps, if the US used the measurements of the centimeter system, sizing could be consistent across brands, though, which would be awesome.

Then again, people are idiots, as this shows in the first place.

With that, I bid you goodnight.

Post-a-day 2025

There’s nothing quite like getting nap-trapped into a good movie late at night with one’s husband. I wanted a feel-good film for a bit before bed tonight. I also really wanted to snuggle with my husband. My husband understood that I was feeling lonely and needy physically, so he snuggled up to me voluntarily as I started the movie. I don’t think he intended to stay for the whole film. However, I had intentionally picked a movie I knew he liked so that he would stay with me at least a bit longer – he tends to run away almost immediately on movies he doesn’t like. So, he stayed because he was engrossed in the movie, as we both easily could have predicted based on the movie selection. He then stayed the entire film because he was so tired, he fell asleep. I hadn’t intended to watch the whole film. But he was so sweet curled up with me, and it felt just so wonderfully cozy and loving and fulfilling being with him on the sofa (halfway trapped underneath his head and with my legs squashed between his). So, I had kind of trapped him initially, and then he kind of trapped me. The result was that we both stayed cuddled on the sofa for the whole film together, and it was lovely and needed by us both.

Thank you, God. Please, guide us always clearly and kindly. Make us well and keep us safe and together, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I go out with friends to restaurants to hang out with them but not eat, because we don’t have the money for the meal out. Yet, in order for my husband to get to the point faster of making enough money to support our family, we need to procure a small airplane. Yes, those are double-digit-thousands of dollars. And I worry too much to spend $20 on restaurant food. Irony can be both hilarious and terrible at times.

God, guide us clearly into our next step always, please. Help us to be the best people we can be, the people you call us to be and made us to be. Make us well, and keep us safe and together, please. Grant my husband some ease in this process, that he see that he is on the right path. Thank you for our home and this family and love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Will I get back to truly sleeping well at night, and be rested to start my days again?

Just wondering.

It hurts me so much mentally and psychologically not being strong and fit and exercising daily anymore. I don’t know what to do differently to make it happen, though. I’ve attempted several ideas for putting into place a schedule. Not a single one has worked, however.

Maybe in another month or so my baby will be able to chill enough for me to work out while caring for her. I’m not sure how to last another month without hitting some really harsh depression, but that seems to be the only option at present.

God, help me, please. Help me to be fully well and to care for myself, that I might care best for my family. Keep us safe and make us well and together, please. Help us to be the people you call us to be, the best people we can be. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

The correct term is “scared”. I am scared for my mother. I’m not sure why. But the situation with her house truly scares me now. It was bad before. It had been bad for quite some time. But it is now scary, and I feel a drive to step up and make something happen.

But will it be any true help if I force something to change? Will it not simply return to just as it is now whenever I step back out of it? Perhaps there is a middle ground in which I can support her in voluntarily handling it herself. The main issue, I suppose, is whether she actually wants things to be different from how they are now. I think she does. I think, too, that she might also be scared of the situation. Perhaps avoiding it is how she copes with it. And I keep going back to the question: Is it even any of my business to step in at all? I don’t know.

Perhaps God can make it clear for me. I want her to be well and safe and whole and happy and fulfilled. I want her to be free from this negativity and this oppressive situation. I want the best for her and her well-being, and the present state is not that.

So, what do I do?

God, help us to see clearly my role in this matter. Guide me with ease and total clarity forward, please. Heal my mom and this situation that weighs so heavily. Immediately, please, as only you can do. Release her of this strain and pain. Make us well and keep us safe and together as a family, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

“I had diarrhea again today,” I told him. He was empathetic. I told him that I’m not sure how to feel about it, but we’ll just have to keep an eye on it.

“Why’s that?” he asks

“Because I had diarrhea for two weeks both times I got pregnant.”

He bursts out laughing. I smile and begin to chuckle. He keeps laughing. His laughing is infectious. I ask him why he’s laughing. He barely squeaks out, “I can’t stop,” and continues laughing heartily, almost like a little kid who’s just heard the funniest of jokes. We are both laughing. It is a wonderful shared experience of laughter through the phone, and it goes on for minutes.

After we’ve calmed down, I ask him why specifically he was laughing. “We did it once,” he says incredulously. I remind him that that was what happened the other two times I got pregnant, too.

Later, I mention that it is all up to God, but that, if this is the case, then God has a sense of humor, and it’s a strong one(!). My husband agrees and says that that was why he was laughing. 

Indeed, it would be humorous. But it also feels daunting. But then, having another pregnancy and newborn while already having another child under our care seems daunting at any time. So, not much difference now versus later, in that sense.

However, I found myself scared of not giving full care and attention to our daughter who is already here. I feel my entire being wanting to care for her and give her all of my caring attention. I don’t want to take anything away from her. The thought of splitting my attention away from her kind of terrifies me. I want the best for her. But then, I suppose, God does, too. And He would do what is best for her.

Jesus, I trust in you. Guide me clearly and safely, please. Make us well and keep us safe and together, please. If it is, make it whole and well, too, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025