Author: hannah.ananas

My body is struggling. These Braxton Hicks contractions happening every 30-60 minutes is exhausting. They are also sometimes happening way closer together than that, too. I imagine it is like working out, though. My uterus and the stuff around it are working out right now to built their strength for when labor and delivery time come. It’s been two and a half days of their being so constant and close together. I am curious to see for how long they continue like this, as well as how soon we turn to labor and delivery. If it’s like any other muscle, it’ll be weeks before they’ve gained strength, I’d think. Maybe not, though. We shall see, though. We shall see.

My mind is also struggling. There’s a lot that I went to finalize in the next couple days, but that the midwife said I need to have finalized by the 30th, which is in ten days. I think I have hit a point where I need direct help, now, though. I have been working so hard to sort everything, and I am hitting my limits, not merely physically but mentally. My brain and my emotions are tired. And they’re tired of being so alone for all of this. I noticed that I have this fear that my husband won’t actually be as helpful and present as I have been thinking he will be once the baby is born. I have accepted his absence, both physically and mentally, these past months and, especially, these past few weeks, because I know he is working very hard on his schooling and is working to finish it asap and get a job in the field. But I have been just anticipating that that will shift once the baby is born, where things happen to be for his schooling and work and all. Perhaps he has no intention of that. I have no idea. Guess I need to talk to him on that point, and probably soon…

Post-a-day 2024

Today was rough in a weird way for me. I woke up feeling unwell, but not exactly sick. I had slept for seven plus hours, but I used the bathroom and then went back to bed, because I didn’t feel well. I ended up sleeping until after noon.

I felt rested by the time I got up and stayed up. But I was shaking slightly because of how long it had been since I had eaten. It had been at least before I’d gone to bed, and I’d slept for almost half the day. I was also a bit out of it. I knew I needed to eat. I figured out what to eat. But I kept getting distracted and doing something other than finishing preparing that food. It probably took me around half an hour to heat up the oatmeal and actually start to eat it. I don’t even remember what I kept doing instead, but it was various things. I do remember that much.

When I talked on the phone with my mom, I struggled at the effort of talking and comprehending. I sat outside to eat, and even took off my shirt, so I could get as much sun exposure as possible on my body while I slowly ate. It did help, both the sun and the food. And I enjoyed hanging with the squirrel who kept getting on the table and checking if I had any nuts. After I finished eating, I had sat back in the chair just to digest and absorb sunlight for a bit. The squirrel actually came over and stuck its head in my bowl, checking for food, I suppose.

At that point, I went and got some nuts from the trail mix I’m not eating, and set them on the table. But the squirrel had wandered off for a bit, and I went inside to curl up on a chair and consider crying. By the time my husband got home maybe ten or twenty minutes later, though, the nuts were long gone.

Uhmm…. I’m too tired now to think clearly. I did it again, staying up too late working on the quilts. I only have the one here, as the other two are chilling at the friend’s house, waiting for me to go back over tomorrow to stick the front and back pieces together using the industrial sewing machine she has. It saved me hours upon hours of work and hassle yesterday, I am sure of it. It shall do even more tomorrow.

Anyway, I actually finished the one I have here. Fully. It is definitely not as nice and perfect as I had hoped, but I think it is still passable for what it is, and I think my dad will like it. I like it, in fact. It’s surprisingly good, given how inexperienced I am at making anything other than casual stitches on something simple for modification. Never a project like this one. No way.

But I finished it and I love it. I am proud of the accomplishment of it.

Oh. I cried when my husband got home and touched me. I was so worn down mentally and emotionally, somehow. And I felt physically like crap. But he touched my skin for a few minutes, which helped, and then I took a hot shower, which helped even more. Then we went and got our boots cleaned and shined as a miniature date together, which was short but sweet. That helped emotionally for me a lot. Then I came home and got to work on the quilt. I worked maybe 6-7 hours on it tonight. Totally nuts. Man…

Also, I’ve been having the Braxton Hicks practice contractions roughly every 30-60 minutes. It just adds to the exhaustion and feeling of being unwell, I think.

Thank you, God, for this life. Please, heal me. Make me and the baby and my husband well, and keep us safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

This was a reminder from twelve years ago today.

It’s still valid and still a great reminder.

Thank you, God, for your love and your strength. Make me and the baby and my husband well, please, and keep us safe and together. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

I’m up at almost 4am tonight. Why? Well, not only do I need to have the quilts done before the 30th, just in case the baby comes then, right when it hits full-term development, but my dad wanted to give the quilts for Christmas… so, I actually need to have them done by Monday at the latest(!). haha
So, I’ve been staying up late working on them. It’s something I can do while tired, just sitting there for the most part. I just put on movies and hardly pay attention to them.
Only did two movies tonight, though. haha
But I just showered and am stretching and whatnot before bed, utterly exhausted.

Today was long, but good. I accomplished much, though it didn’t technically mark off anything from the to-do list. Just half steps for several items, which is still good progress to have made.

Thank you, God, for this day and this life and this energy and wellness I have at present. Please, make me and the baby and my husband well and keep us safe. Thank you for our home – help me to do well by it, especially in the coming days. Thank you for my husband and our baby. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Well, I actually accomplished much today, specifically hassle-type stuff. So, that’s good. It doesn’t quite feel like I accomplished all that much. I just feel utterly drained and exhausted, and it looks like we have more stuff taking up space. However, after some sorting and organizing (and a few more deliveries), things will make loads more sense and be rather well prepared for the arrival of this baby. I made some real headway today, and that is a good thing.

Hopefully, at the next appointment in two weeks, all will look good to the midwife, and we’ll be able even to return some of the stuff I got today. I wasn’t sure which was best for towel and sheet options, so I got two totally different versions for each, and she can let me know what makes the most sense when she is here and sees them all.

A friend is coming tomorrow morning to take a look at things and see what is important still for me to get done here before the baby arrives. I’m nervous, because much is still unfinished, including the quilts I’m making that are strewn about the living room and all the clean laundry sitting out there and our outfits that I have yet to wash up from RenFest (so can’t put away yet)…. However, this was when she could come by, so this is how it’s going… I don’t love it, but it will be an entirely honest portrayal of my mental state at present. So, yeah… haha

Anyway, I’m wiped. Goodnight.

God, make us well, please, and keep my family and me safe and whole. Thank you for this baby and this marriage and this home and the love of friends. Thank you for your love. Help me to eat well and effectively the next days and weeks, please, that I nourish myself and the baby well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Well, I just added a boatload of stuff to my checklist tonight. I’m hoping to accomplish several of the items tomorrow, actually, as they are simple and take lower effort levels. However, we shall see how the day goes.

I also think I will be adding loads more in the next day or few. It is my sort of finalized list of things for before the baby comes out. So, even the annoying things I’ve avoided need to start getting handled now. I think most of them need to be done before Christmas, even, just so I can breathe at Christmas and afterward for a bit. And then I can spend some effort on the want-to-do items at that point, if I still wish to do so. For now, though, I have a whole load of must-dos. So, getting to work on those for real tomorrow.

Thank you, God, for our home and for my brain and for our family. Please, make me and the baby and my husband well and keep us safe. Help my husband learn and study well for his tests and to pass his upcoming test this week. Thank you for this baby. Keep it in there until the sixth of January, please. Naturally, I prefer the 11th of January. Your will be done. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

I discovered some years ago that, when I clip my nails, I clench my teeth quite tightly just as I squeeze down the clippers on each nail. This was not to my liking, mostly due to the fact that I felt it probably wasn’t very good for my teeth, their alignment, or my jaw and head. So, I worked to make a positive change. To this day, when I clip my nails, I intentionally open my jaw, though with my lips closed, every time I clip my nails. I usually press my tongue very gently against my top teeth and the roof of my mouth – more like I rest it against the teeth than press it, and push against the roof of my mouth – and pull my lower jaw back just a bit to make sure it doesn’t casually clamp closed on me. My tongue is, is that position, actively preventing my lower jaw from closing. I still end up tightening the muscles around my jaw while I cut the nails, but it isn’t as intense as when left unattended while cutting, and I don’t have to worry about messing with my teeth over time.

But I do feel slightly crazy every time I have to do this. Does anyone else have to do something like this? Or, rather, doesn’t anyone else unconsciously and automatically clench his or her teeth while clipping nails? I don’t know if I’ll ever remember to ask anyone, but I certainly hope others have gone through this oddity, too. I’m very curious as to how and why it would have developed in the first place…

Post-a-day 2024

I continued my progress on the quilts tonight. I accomplished much. One of them has the entire front finished now. The second is only a few inches from being finished on the front. And the third has a few feet of border and the colored corners to add into it. But I ran out of back thread suddenly, so I stopped for the night sooner than I had wanted. I would have liked to have finished the fronts of all three quilts. But it went this way, so I accept the earlier bedtime with gratitude and ease.

I have to get more thread tomorrow, and likely ought to go ahead and get the backings for each quilt, since that will be next after I finish everything with the fronts.

I do, however, need to iron the fronts and then wash them and wash the backings before I connects the fronts to the backs. But the sewing is getting very close to being finished for the fronts. Yippee!

Still undetermined as to whether I will ask to use the industrial machine of someone I know. It would help immensely, to be sure… I will see how the idea of asking her about it feels.

For now, sweet dreams and goodnight.

Oh! My mom watched Die Hard with us tonight. It’s a seasonal film for us. For me, mostly so because it is ridiculous to be a Christmas movie. But it is a rather well done film and is quite entertaining as a whole, so I do actually enjoy it. We watched it the other night. My mom has mentioned it several times from having heard people debating its Christmas ties lately, so I encouraged her to watch it this evening when she was over but realized it was the middle of rush hour when she was starting to get ready to leave. My husband agreed that it would be a much better way to spend her time than sitting in traffic. She accepted, and we all enjoyed the film together. (Yes, she actually enjoyed it.)

She didn’t think it’s a Christmas movie, but acknowledges that the Christmas music within it creates a seasonal flare of sorts. Haha

Anyway, goodnight!

God, thank you for the love and the family and our home today, especially. Make me and the baby and my husband well, please, and keep us safe. Keep our home safe, too, please, and always. Thank you for everything you offer to us. Help us to pursue and fulfill your will in our lives. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

I am making these quilts for my dad (for his grandkids). He wants to give them to my sister’s kids for Christmas. My kid won’t be out here yet, so I’m not really working on that one. I cut and backed the panels, but haven’t put it together or figured out fabrics even. For the other three, however, I got the fabrics yesterday and started putting them together. No, two days ago. Tonight, I sat down to out the actual quilts together, versus just side pieces on the t-shirt panels. They are t-shirt quilts, by the way. Anyway, I worked on them tonight.

I worked way too late on the quilts, but two of them are 90% put together now. Just need to finish the border pieces and corners of them. The third is about 50% together…Actually, 70% on that third one. Forgot I already did the full columns. Just need to attach the columns to one another and finish borders.

After that, I just have to go pick and buy the backing and stitch it to the fronts. Yay.

Okay, goodnight. 3:49 is too late these days. Goodnight.

Post-a-day 2024

Is that how it’s written? I’m not sure, but I think so. I also have no desire to look it up, so we are just rolling with it…

Okay, I looked it up. No hyphen after all, but the letters were correct: Braxton Hicks.

Tonight, I experienced my first known Braxton Hicks contraction. For those not in the know already, it’s supposedly a sort of preparatory contraction that the uterus does well in advance of actual labor and contractions. I think they help sort some things out, possibly including encouraging the baby to get into the right position for birth. (Because those inversions I have been doing aren’t fun enough. :P)

Whatever the case, I had my first known one tonight(!). I say it that way, because the midwife said I might not notice their happening, so they may have happened already and been happening for quite some time, I’m guessing at a lesser degree.

Tonight, I was starting to walk toward the bathroom (to use it, of course), when I felt what seemed at first like the baby stretching out, but ended up covering too much surface area to make sense. I paused and paid attention. It was like the baby was sideways, but also completely flat against my skin… I touched my belly and knew almost instantly what it was. The entire belly was rock solid in a clench. I even had my husband feel it and tap on it to share the experience. Goofy, perhaps, but I didn’t care. We’re in this together, whether he likes it or not. Haha 😛

Anyway, it was cool and weird. It didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t comfortable, to be sure. It also almost made me pee myself, because, as I mentioned, I had been already on my way to use the bathroom and very much needed to go. Fortunately, I held it together and made it to the bathroom without accident.

I did, of course, send the midwife a message, proclaiming what had just happened. I have been kind of on the lookout for them, so I guess I was relieved to have found one (versus just wondering if they’d been happening in secret and I actually wasn’t much aware of what was going on in my body [which would have been harder to believe, given how crazy aware I seem to be all the time already, and especially during this pregnancy]).

Anyway, so, that happened. Good thing, I think. Though, I’ll hold for the midwife’s comment to conclude anything.

At that, goodnight!

God, make us well, please, and keep us safe. Thank you for our home and our family. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024