hannah ananas

I sent a message to my cousins today to let them know about the first singing I had done to my newborn baby. I thought they would be delighted to know that I found myself singing to the baby yesterday for the first time. My husband asked me how I knew the song, and wasn’t it a screamo song?
Turns out, without paying much attention, I had started singing her the Richard Cheese version of “Down with the sickness”.

For those who don’t know, “Down with the sickness” is, indeed, a screamo song, and a rather intense one at that. Richard Cheese is/was an artist who took songs and made a smooth jazz version of them, borderline elevator music or waiting room versions at times. His version of “Down with the sickness” was the first example my cousins had shared with me when they told me about him, and it has always stuck with me.

So, when my baby was crying over digestive issues, waiting for her system to release the gassy poop inside her, crying a sort of Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! while I bounced her up and down on her feet to help, I found myself somewhat copying her cries in a more upbeat way, suddenly singing the Oo-a-a a-a-a a-a-a a-a-a! part of that song and just continuing onward!

It was awesome and enjoyable and hilarious. And my husband asked me not to sing the song anymore after I’d told him the version I was singing, because he said it was stupid (or something like that, anyway). Haha

We shall see what the future holds in my singing front. Now that it’s in my head, I can’t promise it won’t pop out automatically from time to time(!).

For those who want a listen:

Original version by Disturbed

Richard Cheese version

Thank you, God, for this wonderful silliness. Make us well, please, and keep us safe, my husband and baby especially, please. Thank you for this family. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Tonight, I stayed up late, basically, staring lovingly at our baby as she slept on my lap in various positions. When my husband got home from the gym – can we just acknowledge that I have a husband and that that is wonderful!? – he went and showered and then came and lay down next to us on the mattress that is still in our living room. Technically, we watched more of Downton Abbey. But it was mostly that the three of us – the baby being passed out, of course – just hung out together in bed for a while, and it was quite nice. It wasn’t snuggling, but something like it, hanging there together under blankets, lounging.

I very much enjoyed it and am grateful for the relaxed time we had together for a while. We haven’t really had times like that lately, not in quite a while, really.

Thank you, God. Make us well, please, and keep us safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Occasionally, I hear my mom in the other room, talking softly and sweetly to the baby, as though she were whispering sweet nothings to the baby. The baby occasionally coos back cutely. It is almost like a conversation. Whenever I focus in and actually listen to what my mom is saying, I discover the same thing: Encouraging phrases about pooping. The most common one, of course, is her saying, “You got anymore?”

It is both hilarious and adorable, and I love it.

Post-a-day 2025

I am improving, though absolutely had to get back on the full dosage of the Tylenol and Advil after I tried halving them yesterday – my whole belly region is still very much not okay yet, and I could barely move yesterday by afternoon without the full dosage of medicine. The baby seems to be getting better at nursing in greater quantities, though she still is sorting out digestive struggles.

God, please continue to help us improve, and keep us in your love. Make us well, keep us safe, and be always with us clearly, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I can hear them both talking, addressing me… they’re telling me that I need to wake up, because it’s time to nurse the baby… I stir slightly.

But what are they talking about? She’s right here. I feel the heat of her up against me as I lie on my left side, carefully cradling her, cuddling her while she nurses… It is always so cozy and lovely when she nurses like this and we get to snuggle…

They keep addressing me, wanting a response from me (more than I have given thus far, anyway). They tell me, ‘Here – take her,’ and I don’t understand. I wrench my eyes open. Through the blur, I see one of them holding the baby. I turn my senses to what I’d thought was the baby. I tell them I’d thought I was nursing her. We all process together…

I was cuddling the stuffed elephant while sleeping. Not the baby.

While this was not the first time for me of having thought I was nursing the baby, only to find that I was just cuddling a stuffed animal (it had always been the stuffed dog previously), it was the first time I’d said the words aloud about the situation. Somehow, it was one of the funniest things for all of us.

My mom was so tickled, she brought it back up several times after the fact. Because it is funny to have someone think she’s nursing a baby but it turns out she’s half asleep and it’s a stuffed elephant. I still laugh when I think about it.

Post-a-day 2025

We still had indigestion today, but it seemed a bit more manageable, somehow. We stayed in bed until almost 11 this morning – do recall that we were up every 1.5-3 hours all night long to feed and burp the baby and change its diaper – and that helped both me and my husband physically and emotionally. Mentally, we both wanted to be able to be up and about before then. However, I embraced the rest I managed to get doing things this way. The last hour and a half or two were spent cuddling my daughter, so that was an extra bonus. My husband was still annoyed by the late sleep, but he rolled with it in the end.

Well, my brain is done functioning for today, so that’s apparently all I have to say about that(!).

Post-a-day 2025

There was some major indigestion today for the little one, which meant my husband and I both got overwhelmed. When he left to run errands in the late afternoon, I was incredibly hungry to begin. When the baby started freaking out with her indigestion, it made everything go downhill very quickly for me. My abdomen still cannot stand me up, so I have to use both arms and both legs to get myself upright every time. Holding a baby and doing this is nigh impossible, extremely difficult, and very uncomfortable, borderline painful. I had to do it several times today, which massively sucked. All while the baby was crying.

I know I want to have this baby and keep it and do all these parenting things. I just don’t want to be in physical pain anymore – it makes everything else so intensely difficult. And it makes me want it all just to chill out and leave me alone for a while. So, I’m going to bed and not really caring much about anything else. I’m hoping I might get some rest, which is a guarantee at making life feel much better at this point.

God, heal me, please, and keep me and the baby and my husband safe and well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

My mom is planning to be in her own bed at her house tomorrow night. I am not ready for this. My body can’t handle all the nighttime stuff yet. I fear it will not go well.

God, help me, please. Make me and the baby well and keep us and my husband safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Well, I believe I have discovered how to nap. I was wondering how I had been able to nap in the first few days but not recently. She consumes more milk at each nursing now and sleeps for longer stints as a whole (though, mostly at night). Why am I getting less sleep? During the day, anyway…

And then I discovered it.

She sleeps well on or against one of us, a body. If she’s on a pillow or in the swing, she will sleep a much shorter time just about every time. Yes, chances are much higher with the swing than with the pillow. However, neither compares to the efficiency of letting her pass out on top of or snuggled up against one of us.

So, today, after I nursed her at one point, she burped quickly, and I just lay her down on top of me, with pillows on either side in the lounge chair for extra support and safety, got my husband to put some blankets on me, leaned the chair back, and passed out. We had a lovely nap together, and I woke up well before she did, letting me be mentally prepared for her to nurse as soon as she did wake. Such a blessing.

I hope this continues to work. It not only gives me the rest I need, but the bonding of it is incomparable. I think it has helped immensely with the feelings of being used and abused. I still feel that I am being used, but the sense of abuse has dropped significantly. And that’s after only three naps together. I hope it continues to improve with more snuggle time – it just feels right this way. Perhaps it’s all just part of the design of it all… most likely, it is.

Ha… I hadn’t even though of that, it’s just been so hard… I’m grateful it seems to be changing for the better now.

Thank you, God. Make us well and keep us safe, please, especially my husband and our daughter and me. Thank you for this home and this family and this life. Guide us to be our best selves, and willingly so. Help us to follow your will freely. Grant us a clear and positive and fulfilling path forward financially, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

“You ready for me to bring in the do…… oh, man!”

“She’s not a dog, hun…”

We both laughed heartily at this small exchange. He pointed out how didn’t even finish saying it, but that we both knew he was in the middle of saying “dog”, as though our daughter were, in fact, our dog.

To be fair, she has a lot in common with a dog. She also squeaks like a dog’s squeaker toy whenever she has the hiccups each day. She often seems more like a toy or a doll than a person – we just aren’t accustomed to people who don’t speak in words and who sleep most of the day and wake us up all night long because they’re hungry. 😛

Post-a-day 2025