hannah ananas

Today was a bit of a weird day. I ended up somewhere I hadn’t really anticipated, and ended up enjoying myself much more than anticipated. However, I also discovered how very much I don’t want their world to be my world. It was surprising, in a way, yet also not surprising. I value money, and I value what it can offer in a life. Perhaps, at a certain point, people forget to value money at all, when they have so much of it. And I don’t want to hit that point in my life. I always want to remember the value of money and to be grateful for the money that I have. I never want to forget that it does come from hard work, be it from my own or from someone else’s. It is not something to through around and gamble on a high level. Period.

So, a positive and a negative and a positive for today. Haha

Thank you, God. Please, help us to sleep well tonight and each night. Keep my husband and my baby and me safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

If my head didn’t already ache from a lack of sufficient sleep and water, I imagine it would be aching now from all the crying.

This is really hard and kind of really sucks. Lots of lovely, wonderful things and moments. But people aren’t meant to be on their own all the time like this. It is terrible for both of us, really.

God, help us to feel your love and to sleep well each night. Keep my husband and daughter and me safe and make us well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I guess sleep isn’t really all that necessary, right? I can stay up forever with my daughter as she plays in the middle of the night. Even though I didn’t just sleep for almost three hours the way she did. No big deal.

Ugh.

God, help us both to sleep well at night. Keep my husband and my baby and me safe and well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

No, I am not okay. And that just gets to be the norm right now and for the next couple months.

However, I anticipate a very different and very happy pace of life come through end of this January.

Thank you, God, for the challenges and for the strength to overcome them. Please, help us find joy and time together in this next year especially. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

My brain does this thing where, when it knows I have to wait for someone else to do something and get back to me before I have to do anything further, it files the information way in the back and doesn’t even look near it until that something from another person happens. Which, of course, means that, when that other someone doesn’t do that something, the file dusts away in the back, mostly forgotten for a long time. Until that one day on which I have a weird feeling, and my brain starts to ask questions about whether that file actually got handled or not. Did I do what I was supposed to do? Yes. But is it all completed???? And, with a supreme effort, the file is retrieved and I am able slowly to recall what actually happened and how the other person never did what he or she was supposed to do, and so I never finished the full task.

Unfortunately, I am in the middle of one of those events right now, directly in the process of having to remember all the details, because the other person seems never to have done what my brain was waiting for her to do. And the details are quite fuzzy right now, because sleep has not been going well for me in recent weeks… and this is a big deal one… yikes.

God, guide me clearly, please. Show me the way. Keep my husband and me and our baby safe and well. Grant us awesome sleep tonight and each night, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

P.S. I think there’s a raccoon on the back porch…

My mom came over yesterday after Mass for a couple hours. She rushed out pretty quickly before everything was handled, however, she helped me and the baby get ready for bed about 90% of the way before she did leave. And that made a tremendous difference for me, both last night and today. I got to bed at a reasonable time. I didn’t have to scream. My limits were still met, but then the issue was relieved before my fuse actually blew. I didn’t even cry. And the baby almost didn’t even fuss either.

It was a good night.

And no, she didn’t stay in her crib the whole night. But she stayed for the start, and then we slept together for the rest of it. And we both actually slept pretty well for once.

Tonight, my mom came over again and helped even more so than last night. We did end up watching a Christmas movie together, and my aunt and uncle came over to visit for a bit. So, we stayed up longer than planned. However, I am about to turn off the lights and sleep without having screamed or yelled or cried at all this evening. Two nights in a row of feeling not like a total disaster and crying, falling-apart mess.

Thank you, God. And thank you for my mom and her love and help these past two nights. Help us continue to help one another effectively, please. Keep us safe and well, especially my husband and baby, and my mom and me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

My husband just found out about these awards that his flight club does (it’s like a car club, but for planes). He seems very likely to win at least two of the four or five of them. However, just last week, it seems like someone may have surpassed him for one of the awards.

It’s for the farthest birds-eye distance traveled from home in one of the planes from the club. Not combined, but from the home airport to whatever the farthest-away airport is. The irony of this potential other person’s having now beaten out my husband is that the guy actually offered for my husband to go with him on that very trip. It just happened to be during the festivities for my friend’s wedding, and we had made a huge effort to have my husband there with me. And I am glad he was there with me. However, I am also bummed that he missed this trip.

On the other hand, he now gets the excitement of having to figure out if he can manage an even longer trip within the next five days. He had actually planned with yet another club member to travel on a winning trip today. However, when they were over halfway there, something came up with the plane, and they had to do a little work on it and then turn around and head home, so that the mechanic could do his own work on the plane.

So, that sucked, but it was a fun adventure and potentiality for the both of them, as well as a good learning experience for them both, too, I imagine. Now, we are looking to see if he might take a day off work, simply to win this award. (And no, there isn’t any money involved in this. Just a few words he can include in his real and verbal resumes going forward.) In my mind, what’s a day of no work that costs us thousands of dollars we were already going to spend, when my husband is having a blast, wins an award he really wants and that is really cool, and builds all the more hours faster? Sounds reasonable to me. Two years into the future? Sounds very dumb and ridiculous. He’ll already have his hours and his pay will be spectacular. But he doesn’t currently have the hours he needs in order to get that spectacular pay, so he’s still on the total-junk pay that barely pays the basic bills. So, what’s a day’s worth of crappy pay being added to our already expected $150k debt when all of this time-building is finished? .0024%. That’s what it’s worth. (Haha. I know that I’m a nerd, yes.)

Here’s to hoping he can make it work!

God, guide us always and clearly, please. Show us your will and make it ours. Keep us safe and well, please. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

What’s the point of having help when it isn’t actually given?

That’s a very frustrating situation, especially when one has been gratefully looking forward to the help.

Ugh…

Post-a-day 2025

The final messages I sent right before turning out the light and going to sleep tonight:

When you get home:

Turkey into crock pot with water and turn on – or cover with foil or something and put in a fridge

Water and ice
Fix your corner of the bedsheet, please
Go to sleep ASAP
Phone signal***
I love you. Goodnight

——————

Post-a-day 2025

At the recommendation of my best friend, I expressed some milk today and put it in a bottle for my husband to use tonight, so that he could see about managing the entire process of putting our daughter to bed. Showering, dressing, nursing (via the bottle), and putting her in her crib, wonderfully passed out. My husband seemed game to give it a go, so I just had the first night in months of not having to manage a crying baby while I got myself ready for bed. Not even to stop everything to nurse her. It was wild and absolutely wonderful. The relief it provided feels unreal. I can feel it on my core that I had no idea it could be so easy to get ready for bed anymore. No idea it was possible.

We shall see how things went for my husband and daughter, though. May have been rough for them both. I’ll go check in and nurse her some more if needed (the bottle wasn’t super filled). I’m worried he’ll be borderline furious with frustration, but I’m hoping for the best. This was the first time for this, so I wouldn’t expect it to go flawlessly. But I’m hoping it was a good start to something new we can do sometimes, especially when my husband is able to be home for it, so they can have that intimate and loving time together, and also so that I can not having the screaming frustrations I’ve had most nights lately.

Goff guide us clearly, please. Keep us safe and make us well. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

P.S. I’m pretty sure I am hearing my husband heavily breathing through the baby monitor… in other words, he is probably passed out in her room, holding her in the rocking chair… should I even bother waking him? He needs the sleep, after all…