Month: August 2024

Today started out with some great snuggling with my husband, followed by some hurried tidying and a very good but brief visit with my dad and sister. Then I was utterly exhausted, and so passed out on the sofa for hours. I think I slept about four hours, with minimal waking and shifting around.

However, after that, I guess because I had gone so long without eating – I had had my usual breakfast, but just before 9am, and it was now after 1:30 – I started feeling sick. And it got worse, even though I was eating all the random stuff I could manage. By evening, I was beyond miserable. Still not as bad as most of the summer, but I haven’t felt so sick in a few weeks at this point.

Even after I ate a full meal’s worth of food – truly, my husband made me a plate of a real meal, lots of protein and calories – I only felt minimally improved. Hours after the fact, and only recently after further snacking, I grew very close to throwing up while brushing my teeth just now. I’m not sure I’ll be able to fall asleep, and I’m not sure I can even lie down at an angle good enough for sleeping yet.

So, that sucks.

But, when I cried into my husband’s chest earlier about how hard it all is, he was actually awesomely supportive. That was great. I still felt physically like junk, but I felt quite a bit better emotionally. That was an improvement for his responses to my struggles lately, and I am grateful for it. We are both overwhelmed, and it isn’t easy. But it’s better together.

God, help me to sleep well, please. Nourish me and the baby with all food and drink I consume. Help me to eat and drink with easy and efficacy. Help us to pursue and follow your will. Help me to be kind, especially when I am struggling. Make us well. Keep my husband safe, please. And thank you for our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

This was a great thing for us all tonight. We weren’t entirely sure what to expect. I was getting quite worried about managing the venue requirements on how most things aren’t slows into a venue anymore, including “any unsealed gels or liquids”. Given that I use peppermint oil to help me with nausea, and most often in new settings with lots of people, I was worried about that one in particular. Not to mention how I can only seem to keep down ice cold water, and have to drink it either immediately or keep it in one of the fancy metal canteen bottles, like Yeti. Also, alcohol for sanitizer.

However, when we arrived downtown early to eat together, I saw as we were slowly passing the venue entrance that a whole security team was already standing there by the doors. I jumped out of the car while my husband went to find parking (coincidentally, just behind my mom’s car without either of them knowing until I pointed it out). I went and asked one of the security people to help me understand fully what the guidelines were, because I’d been unable to get anyone from the venue on the phone. I said that I was pregnant and mentioned about the oil, and ended up showing him all my little liquid/gel things and he approved them all, and the purse size, and the water bottle… with the ice water in it! He said, “You’re pregnant,” and said that that makes a difference. As long as I don’t have anything “outrageous”, it will be fine. I had even asked about my water bottle, saying I could empty it out before entering, but would there be ice inside for me to have with water? He asked what was in my bottle, if it was just water. I said that it was ice water, and explained why. He said it would be no problem, since I am pregnant.

And it all was no problem. And I am very grateful.

Oddly, our tickets never got scanned by anyone.

But we had good seats in the upper level of the small-ish venue, even though it was General Admission and we weren’t early.

And then the songs were great. Most of them sound the same in terms of the notes and rhythms sung. But it never matters. Each one is great in its own right and the lyrics are awesome.

We all had a great time. Plus, it was cool to be st something that raises money entirely to support women st the pregnancy center, especially women in crisis pregnancies, as they are sometimes called. Last year, they had over 12,000 women served, and over 2,000 babies saved from abortion.

Wow.

Thank you, Father.

Dear God, thank you for this night. Help us to sleep well tonight, please.make me and the baby well and safe keep my husband safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

When will I stop being the recipient of injustice? I’m really starting to get sick of it. And this time and the last time have been from Catholic schools. They teach and preach Catholic Social Teaching. But it somehow doesn’t apply to me whenever I’m involved, and that just really sucks.

It sucks period that the injustice exists. It seems to suck even more when it is ironic. And this particular irony is really hurting.

God, help us to see the way forward, please. Help us to see your way through all of this. Free me from these thoughts that come from the devil and his workers – guide me to hear your words and to pursue and fulfill your will. Help the baby and me to be well and safe and happy. Keep my husband safe, please. Also, make our path forward with the chicken clear, please, and comfortable, if you so will it. In your name, I pray. Amen.

P.S. Help to free me of this fear. There is so much evil surrounding so much right now, I am scared. It feels like you are disappearing and the world is being overwhelmed by the devil. Strike him down, and help us to do the same, please. Guide us to use what is most needed to heal the evil surrounding us all now, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Today was much better. I was able to talk about things that have happened that are sad or upsetting without actually getting upset. I communicated rather clearly and effectively. I felt physically better than I did Monday and, even, Tuesday. I met some new people and connected with them.

One in particular has already been really sweet and helpful, giving me some useful tips for the baby registry, and also just getting the struggle of a sick-filled pregnancy (which most women don’t seem to get, it turns out). Her first was no big deal, I think it was, but her second just crushed her emotionally and physically with all the nausea she experienced. So she actually got it. And it felt so relieving to be gotten in this new environment.

We got some free time on our own today, which helped socially big time.

Also, I felt much better as a whole at school, because I wore a fitted dress today. I let people see that I am pregnant, because there is no denying it when I wear something fitted. And I had been correct in believing that most people didn’t know I was pregnant. Several specifically commented on it or started asking questions about it today, though they had had clear chances Monday and Tuesday already. They just hadn’t realized before today. It was very validating, too, to see that, when I had felt like people just thought I was angry and miserable and potentially in need of help, I was right. They did. They started treating me very differently today. Not sure that’s good that there was a difference at all, but still grateful that they seem accepting of my struggle now that they know it is a pregnancy struggle.

Anyway… still tough, but improving.

Thank you, God, for another safe day and for the love. Make the baby and me well and safe, please. Keep my husband safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

I realized today that, on top of all the general struggles that arose yesterday to make it so terrible, especially at work, I had forgotten about the base social aspect of the day. I am almost exactly middle of of the road on all of the Myers-Briggs stuff, the epitome of what is now called “ambivert”. I can do and need the extroverted stuff, but I also need the calm introverted stuff. And I need it all in a single day. Too much of either drives me nuts, as does too little of either. I also very much have ADHD. I can focus very well on things, but my time doing so is limited. Same goes for sitting still. Add onto that the pregnancy aspect of being miserable staying in the same position for very long, and that’s what yesterday was for me. We had a day from 8 to 4:30 that was 95% busy, loud, extroverted time filled with loads of people (and lots of loud people) and constant talking. The only time we weren’t in that setting was during the fire alarm, when we all got kind of spread out outside. But the best and humidity did me in there, so it was another miserable, and I had to get help from several others anyway, making it still very extroverted.

I was utterly drained just from the social aspect alone. With all the pregnancy stuff added to it and the emotional stuff and food and whatnot, it’s no wonder I was ready to curl up and cry myself to sleep long before the sun went down.

Today’s having had a few hours mixed in of solo work time made all the difference. I sat alone in my room with only natural light coming in from the windows to illuminate the space during all of those solo times, and it was like a balm for me. It reminded me of how important that balance is, and of how it is also respectful to consider such things when planning schedules. Not sure when I’ll use that knowledge, but I’m sure it’ll come up at some point and be helpful in supporting others in being their best selves.

As a note, I had a meeting today with my boss ‘just to check in’. I was right in wondering if I was the only one who got the check-in meeting request. She had sent it around 1:45pm yesterday, so we hadn’t even hit the worst of the day yet for me… but maybe the crying in the morning and the utter frustration in the stupidity of the first meeting was more what got them concerned. Nonetheless, leadership were worried about me and whether I’ll actually be okay teaching, given how much I was clearly struggling yesterday. Fortunately, when I went through the order of events, she seemed to get it and said it was, “a comedy of errors”. And I didn’t even mention the social aspect, because it didn’t occur to me until after that meeting this morning. She still wants me to talk to HR, clearly to have a plan in place for when they seem to think I’ll have to go on bed rest or something – they have no idea how much I keep improving, and clearly are not accustomed to a tough pregnancy, but whatever. This baby and I are going to be well. We are just still adapting to being together right now, and she (well, it) is kind of getting all the comfort, and I’m getting all the suck. Hopefully, the suck will continue to decrease and we both can be well together very soon.

Anyway, social stuff matters, as does being aware of how we each operate best within social energies. Remember that.

God, help us to be well and safe, please. Keep my husband safe, please. Help me to have a BM in the morning before I need to leave for school, please, and heal me of this rash. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Today is the first day at work with all faculty/staff, not just the new folks.

When I got into the rental car, I choked and almost got sick. Some nasty and fake perfume was soaked in tot he interior. The car had been shut for a whole day, since I hadn’t gone anywhere yesterday, and what had been a slight annoyance was overwhelmingly horrible suddenly. I had to drive with the air blasting and windows down, and it still didn’t actually make the smell go away.

I got lost and confused on the way to school. (It is easy to get to school. After the two blocks to exit my neighborhood, it is four simple turns to arrive at school. Now, I was running late and I was embarrassed at having gotten myself lost on such a simple and easy drive that I had already taken twice in the past four days.) So, it took me a little longer to get there. Because of that, I had to park up top in the garage (plus all the ‘parents with little kids’ spots were full, which was where I was supposed to start parking today, since I’m pregnant. And also because I’m physically struggling).
By the time I finally made it down all the stairs of the four floors and over to the cafeteria, I got overwhelmed just preparing to go in to the breakfast. My dress is big, I have no name tag (no fault of my own), had a hard morning already, and felt halfway miserable physically. I was stressed that I couldn’t be the normal excited and happy self I am for the first day of teacher meetings each year. And then there were Lots of people. I want doing well already emotionally, and handling a lot of new and loud people felt like a very hefty task. I cried before going inside the cafeteria.

NOTE: I woke up not feeling utterly dreadful this morning, and then quickly was shocked to see that I’d been asleep for six hours straight. It scared me deeply, and I was massively relieved when, after making it to the bathroom, I could tell that I was definitely still sick. (I even had a horrible session of puking to follow up the feeling.) The last time I had woken up feeling different, better, after having slept through the night while pregnant, it was because the pregnancy had ended, and that day was a truly sad and miserable one for me. So, though it was nowhere to the same degree of feeling different, it still kind of freaked me out for half a minute, gave me the panics.
Anyway, so I let it be that I was emotional and unable to manage and reign in my hormones, got a hug from someone and communicated where I was and that I know it’s okay – just hard to manage the hormones going wild with the smallest of things
Went to get a coffee. They didn’t have decaf today, though they did the other days. As I was replacing the cup on the stack, a guy behind me said to a lady “Still pregnant?!” He was joking and she likely was one of the 8-9-month pregnant ladies. However, it hit me really hard, especially after the concern when I woke up this morning. It hit home in a very painful way, and I absolutely could not handle it given my current state. I broke down massively and immediately, and I went to cry in the bathroom for a bit until I could calm down.

So, that’s how the day started. And, though I technically slept six hours straight, it was terrible sleep. So, I was physically exhausted by midday. When lunchtime happened, I got to have five-day-old super wilty salad, because the only other option was fruit that had hurt my stomach and pizza, a food that I can hardly mention, after having gotten so sick puking up one of its main ingredients a few months ago. I can barely stand even the smell of it without feeling sick, even throwing up. So, I got almost no nourishment at lunch.

Then we had another few hours straight of a long meeting, siting still in one chair. Oh, and an unanticipated fire alarm sounded. Since it wasn’t a drill, we had to walk all the way around campus on its outskirts in order to reach the fields where we’re supposed to gather for emergencies. Before I made it to the field, I was overheated in this hot and humid and sunny weather, and was very much about to hurl. I ended up with four people around me, fanning me with their booklets while I tried to sip my water that had miraculously melted all the ice right before the drill, and so wasn’t providing me the true relief I needed from it. After the drill, we got ice in my water and we got back inside, both of which helped tremendously. Fortunately, one of the people was a mom who understood the situation immediately, and she fended off any concerns the others (or anyone else) had. She knew that I had meant what I’d said and that I was only hot and super close to throwing up, but desperately did not want to throw up the food I had worked so hard to eat.

After that, we returned to the hours of one long meeting, and our day finally ended around 4:30, which was immensely long both for teachers and for me in my state, its having started at 8 this morning and had gone on with meetings constantly aside from the brief lunch break.

It was just an immensely difficult day for me today. Arriving home exhausted and in the reeking car only turned the evening into a pretty terrible one, too. So, basically, today has sucked beyond all reason, and I’m going to bed at 8pm crying. Shocking, I know…

Post-a-day 2024

Tip for life: Do not ever give people training in any software or program without having the program set up fully for them to start practicing in that lesson. Period.

Otherwise, it causes immense stress, confusion, and utter annoyance at the waste of time. Because it is a waste of time.

That is all on that for now.

God, please, nourish me and the baby with good food and he’s me of the nausea. Help us both to sleep well and to be well, please. And keep my husband safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

A couple came over today to help us clean out the garage. The goal was to get it cleaned out, organized, and put back together. However, given how hot it was today, it got cleaned out and the gym flooring got put in, and the gym stuff outside got placed in pieces on the gym flooring. Everything else was left in the driveway and yard.

So, much accomplished, and much to do.

God, help us to sort through all of this stuff and to clear out what we do not truly need anymore. Help us to have an awesome and tidy garage and home, please. And very soon. Also, please keep my husband safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

I just discovered that the rosary in German seems to have an extra line in the Hail Marys, and I do not particularly like it. I do, in fact, dislike it so far. It interrupts the prayer for me. And it requires more thinking, because it seems like it changes every decade what line is said. Not a fan so far. I asked a friend for an explanation. We’ll see what I learn from her and how she feels about it. I don’t know if it’s always the case or only in certain situations, but it happened in both versions I just tried playing.

Anyway, interesting discovery tonight…

God, help me to be well as I grow this baby. Help us both to be healthy and well together. Keep my husband safe, please. Thank you for the love at work. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Today was good, but long and exhausting. I am celebrating by being a bum on the sofa and watching women’s gymnastics. These ladies are absurdly good at what they do, and it is a blast to watch.

God, keep the athletes all safe, please. Keep my husband safe, too, please. Help us all to follow you and your love. Especially those in charge of things and of people. Heal me of the nausea, and help us to have a great pregnancy. Make our baby well and healthy, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024