It was feeling like I was doing loads better today. And yet, going to bed tonight is more miserable that usual. Much more so. I can barely manage right now, and I am genuinely worried all the protein I worked very hard to consume won’t get digested after all.
I am very much not okay right now.
God, help me, please. Help me to do this pregnancy well. Help me to care for our babies. Heal me of the nausea, please. Keep us safe. Keep my husband safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
I have no idea what I was going to share today. I had two very specific things earlier. Not even a hint as to what they were at this point. My brain and my body and my spirit are all so tired…
God, help me to find healing, please. Grant us ease in our home and household. Help my husband and me to find peace with and in one another throughout the rest of this pregnancy. We are struggling so much right now, it makes everything seem so much worse than it already is – and it already is very hard on us both. Heal me of the nausea and help me to prepare our home and our lives for welcoming this baby in January. Keep me and the baby safe and well, please. Keep my husband safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.
P.S. Ah! One came to me. Don’t read if you can’t handle bathroom stuff.
I had to choose today between the urgency of contents exiting via my bum and via my throat this morning. It was a very tough decision, in the end. I was choosing the throat, and realized the bum was not accepting the choice, so quickly transitioned to sitting on the toilet. I literally barely made it out of that situation before hurling up my guts into the sink. Panic-washed my hands, shook them briefly, and leaned forward to release intensely. It was a dreadful start to the day. But I did feel much improved after the ordeal, to be sure.
Post-a-day 2024
We have a big reunion every summer for the extended family. It is meant to be for all descendants of my great-great grandparents. My mom and I go every year. My cousins and aunt and uncles all used to go every year, too. After my Opa got sick and didn’t go anymore, though, most of them stopped going. I asked my one cousin today if she was planning to go this year. She just moved about twenty minutes or so away from where the reunion happens. She has never lived anywhere near this close to it. She said that she only ever really hung out with her brothers and with me at the reunion, not the extended family. So, she isn’t going.
I’m still going. It’s also a great and loving environment and a practically free party, Mass included with all family. But that seems to mean nothing to her. And that is very sad to me. It isn’t like she comes to spend time with me in recent years. So, we aren’t hanging out at any other time. The reunion was always a guaranteed time we got to spend together. Until she decided not to care about it. Same with her mom. Now, I rarely see them. And, if I do, it is in very quick passing, maybe an hour or so at most, and never for much one-on-one time, anyway, since they’re only around to visit my grandma in the first place.
Basically, I already rarely see any of that family. After Grandma is not around, I genuinely see no chance of seeing them anymore. They mostly make no effort. I always seem to be an afterthought – ‘Oh, we’re visiting Grandma right now, in case you want to drop everything and come here to see us briefly’. I have made effort in the past. Given that they’re not even interested in driving twenty minutes – after we drive three hours – to come hang out with us and have a great time, it makes it feel hard to consider making much effort in the future.
It just is sad to me. I was excited to have my cousin close again. But I see her just as often now as when she lived forever away, and talk to her rarely.
Anyway… it also hurts that they don’t care about the reunion. It meant a lot to my Opa, sure. But it meant a lot to us, too. I go for my own experiences, not because my Opa cared so much about it. Because I care about it. And the food. The food is really good.
Anyway, I’m sick and ir sucks. Goodnight.
God, help me sleep well at night, tonight especially, please. Help me and the baby to be well and healthy. Heal me of the nausea. Help my husband find your grace and ease in all of this. Keep him safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
Someone mentioned to me how what a priest said had changed things for the better for him. The priest had told him, “God doesn’t want your spare time.” The idea was to set aside prayer time intentionally, not passively to seize upon an available few minutes or so here or there.
However, this hurt. I had been excited to share that I was praying daily. I was especially excited to share that I was specifically praying the rosary daily, which is not a super short or no-big-deal single prayer. It’s a whole chunk of prayers. And I love praying it now, but it is definitely not a spare time kind of quick prayer. But I pray it while in the shower each night. I have a recording that helps keep me on track, and it also helps me with not taking too long of a shower so often as I once was used to do. I was grateful and excited to have found a way to include prayer into my daily routine. It was no accident. It was intentional. But it was while doing something else, and so was considered ‘spare time’.
Now, I know he didn’t mean it rudely. He had meant it to be encouraging, that there is more to get out of prayer life when we are intentional about it.
But it hurt. I was very intentional about the rosary every day. I had found a way to be consistent with it, which is huge for me – I have had very little consistency in my life the past several years. My bedtime routines are pretty much the only consistency I consistently have. So, this was intentional for me. It was not my spare time.
However, I have thought much on this beyond just how the comment and the idea made me feel in terms of my own prayer routine. I have thought about the idea itself, that God doesn’t want our spare time. And I believe that is false.
I believe God wants all our time. Every amount of time we give to Him, I believe that He is both glad and grateful. Any of our time is welcome with God. Yes, He rejoices in our intentionality in life, purposely spending time with Him in prayer. But I believe he also rejoices when we turn to Him in our spare time. Every bit of time with Him is a blessing for us. And I believe He sees it as a blessing for Himself. He wants us as much as possible to be with Him. And He does not resent us when we do not choose Him in a given moment or plan. He loves us nonetheless. And every time we choose Him, He is glad. Every time.
So, God wants our intentional time, yes. But He also wants our spare time. He wants us. Period. And He wants us to choose Him freely, every time, spare time or not.
Thank you, God, for being with us. Thank you for structured prayers. Thank you for listening. Please, help me to continue to heal from this nausea, and make our baby safe and well as she grows to join us actively in January. Thank you for this blessing. Help us to find ease and grace within it. Keep my husband safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
We watched Robocop last night. I have no interest in ever seeing it again. It had some neat parts, but it had lots of stupidity, utter incompetence, and useless visual violence and murder. Not a fan. And I do not recommend it. Perhaps the comic is acceptable, because the story is interesting as a whole… just not the details. Anyway…
A beautiful male cardinal landed on the new grill right after we got home this evening. At first, I was delighted. Then, he jumped behind the grill, and I rushed out the door, yelling at it. One of our small but now-fruit-producing fig trees is right behind the grill. Sure enough, that sucker had busted open and been eating the largest fig on the tree. As usual, the fig wasn’t fully ripe, but was close enough for the birds (but not to pick, because they don’t ripen after being picked). Very frustrating. So, hopefully we can get a net or something to put over the trees tomorrow. There are only about six figs (there were seven) total between the two trees, but I really would like to be able to have them. Firstly, I love fresh figs and haven’t had them in almost two years. Secondly, I love eating foods that we grow at home – super awesome and useful and efficient and encouraging.
Anyway…
God, help us with the figs, please, and free me of the nausea. Keep our baby safe and growing well. Keep me and my husband safe, please. Bless our family with your safety right now. Help us all to sleep well at night and do your will during the day. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
Today was rather rough. It actually started rather reasonably. I went back to sleep and slept for real twice before getting up close to noon. My husband made me a breakfast sandwich that I was able to eat. Things felt good for a while.
And then, at one point, they suddenly were not okay at all. I struggled the rest of the evening and night. Still struggling now and feeling terrible.
God, help me, please. Heal me of the nausea, and keep our baby safe and well. Keep us all safe, please. Especially, keep my husband safe, please. Help us to sleep well at night. Help me to forget all the scary scenes from the movie tonight. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
I start to feel better, and so can eat actual food. But I can’t actually prepare the actual food. So, I have to wait for my husband to be able to do it, or find someone to bring me food that I can’t identify as something I could eat until I smell it… and that usually gets me all the more sick, having to wait for the food. And, even if my husband does do it, he has to do not all outside, because I can’t stand the smell of foods for more than a few seconds. Not even the ones I manage to eat.
So, it seems things still suck, just in a slightly different way now.
A muscle deep in my left buttocks is also very much hurting me right now. I’m sure it has to do with how I’m having to position myself to fall asleep, and I can’t really change any of that. But a good hand to help rub it would would be quite helpful. Unfortunately, my husband is already busy in the first place with work and school, and in the second place with helping me eat.
Anyway, I’m exhausted and still miserable, and my lips are now really dry and hurting. And, somehow, even when the maids come, my bathroom floor and countertop don’t seem actually to get clean. I got photos this time, though, so, hopefully, that will help me communicate the point tomorrow with the lady in charge of them all.
God, help us to find comfort and some ease, please. Heal me of this nausea and bloating. Make the baby grow and love and live well, please. Keep us all safe, please, especially my husband. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
I am still rather ill. I am much improved from where I was a couple weeks ago. However, it was so bad then that “better” is an ironically relative word. I am still sick.
That being said, my brother and sister-in-law insisted on staying elsewhere tonight. They still have no power, but didn’t want to become a nuisance. So, they’re staying at his dad’s house, which, I believe, had power restored either last night or this morning. Since they were going to be gone, I said it was okay when the maids asked about coming tomorrow.
However, there is a lot of preparation required at the moment for the maids to come. And I really can’t do most of it. And my husband is just so exhausted, he fell asleep in a chair as soon as he finished eating, then moved to the sofa after I woke him a couple hours later, and he became horizontal and passed right back out.
The maids never gave a time, though they said they would do so, nor fully confirmed that they are actually coming tomorrow. So, I’m going to bed with a rather unprepared house, not knowing if maids are coming tomorrow or not, let alone what time, if they are coming. Given that I don’t really fall asleep until all my food has digested down from the stomach, so I don’t really get up until around ten most mornings right now, tomorrow morning could be very interesting… and stressful.
Whatever the case, I’m going to let it be. If it is wild, I’ll just be straight with her about our situation and hope they all can roll with it.
God, guide us, please. Heal me of this nausea. Make our baby and me and my husband well and safe, please. Keep us safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
We had a lot of people at our house today. Some brought us food. Most were here because they had no electricity at their homes, and they wanted to save their food. It was a very busy day, tiring. But it was still good.
Nonetheless, I look forward to a more restful day tomorrow. I hope it is low clouds in the morning, so my husband has to cancel his flight and can get some much-needed sleep. Then he can catch up on everything after a good rest.
God, help us all to sleep well tonight, please. Heal me of the nausea. Make the baby grow well, please. Keep us both safe. Keep my husband safe. Thank you for the electricity that keeps us cool. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
The storm was standard. Nerves were on high alert and it was a bit scary at times, but all seemed to settle rather well for such a big storm. I am grateful.
I am especially grateful that we have electricity. By God’s grace, it is so, and I am incredibly grateful.
My brother and sister-in-law are staying with us tonight.
God, thank you for this electricity. Please, maintain it for us, so that I can continue to heal and find ease in my illness. Heal me of this nausea and bloating, and help our baby to grow strong and to grow beautifully. Keep my husband safe, please, and my mom and grandma, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
hannah ananas 