Today has been a really long day. My husband’s alarm went off and freaked me awake rather early today, just as I had actually fallen asleep – remember, nights don’t really involve restful sleep until my stomach has digested fully, so I have been falling asleep just as the sun is coming up. And he isn’t the best at getting out of bed, so I always end up being hyper-aware of whether he’s gotten up yet or not, whenever he has an alarm. And he rarely gets up at the first alarm, so his very loud alarm, much louder than my own, typically means that I’m waking up, no matter if I actually wanted to get up or am desperate for any sleep I can get – yes, I have asked, and no, it hasn’t really changed much. One of those adjustments we haven’t yet resolved.
Nonetheless, today started with waking up just as I was falling asleep, and then waiting around stressedly for it to be late enough to go to my chiropractic appointment at midday. I attempted these gluten-free pancakes I’d gotten with my dad Sunday – they had just needed to be cooked through a bit more for my current taste buds… and always taste buds, actually. But, even with cooking them further in a pan, the center never really stopped feeling raw-like and tacky. So, once I started feeling utterly ill trying to eat that, I gave up. I had two pieces of gluten-free cinnamon-raisin toast instead. Not enough, but all I could handle this morning after the pancake gagging.
I mined in the sofa for a while, then got a smoothie that helped on the way to the appointment. Afterward, I went first to one terrible restaurant to which I never will return, and then I went to an old family favorite noodle place with mixed Asian cuisine. When I walked into the second restaurant, I sniffed the air tentatively and was relieved to find it okay for me. It was quite tolerable, even a bit comfortable. The original restaurant I had wanted apparently closed down who knows how long ago, so this was an effort to get some Vietnamese Bùn, which is basically a boatload of riced vermicelli noodles with chopped lettuce, jalapeños, and (today) fried tofu with a great topping sauce. Since I couldn’t get the one I really wanted, rather than bothering with any more new places, I just went for an alternate version of the dish that seemed acceptable. The sauce is a bit different, but the general dish was the same, and I knew I could get the tofu spring rolls there. So, I went and it worked out well.
I originally ordered the dish to go and the spring rolls for immediately. But I sat at a table to eat the spring rolls and drink the awesome super-iced water the guy brought me, and was able to stay there and eat most of the vermicelli dish, too. I had worried about the smell of the place, but ended up being fine, especially after eating the first spring roll.
It felt like an hour later – yes, I even rested my eyes a bit while I focused on processing effectively the food I was eating (pregnancy has made food terrible and difficult, so this pausing and focus and intentionality were absolutely necessary) – that I finally headed home. I stopped at a Target on the way, but it is such a lame version of the store. It used to be a small Randall’s that was converted, and it just never has even half of what a normal Target carries, include the store-brand items one would think it would have. So, I got one of the five things on my list, and went home to rest.
I struggled with digestion the next few hours on the sofa, finished my leftovers, had an unexpected and intense but short nap around 7pm or so, and then forced down some ice cream and a bowl of cereal and part of a rice cake to make sure I got something in me for dinner. Now, I’m in bed, miserable, of course, working very hard not to think about what foods I will be able to eat tomorrow. (It is the main thing I despise about life right now, figuring out food. It is such a miserable hassle and makes me feel like giving up multiple times a day and most of the night.) It just feels like four days happened today, so much happened and so much energy was spent. I am immensely exhausted. But I have hit the point that I have given myself over to God. Otherwise, I would not be able to make it, not truly.
God, guide me, please. Into your hands I rest my life and this baby’s life. Keep us close to you, make us well, heal our aches, and help us to be our best selves. Nourish us, that we may follow you freely and fully together. Keep my husband safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
hannah ananas 