I have come to discover that my chances of fitting in around Japan are slim-to-none. Not that I really expected to fit in in the first place, with my dirty-blonde hair, tanned skin, and blue eyes, but I mean culturally, as well as physically, I have almost no chance.
Tonight, heading home on the trains, there were no seats available when I boarded my final transfer. However, the next station, though it certainly would dispense a good chunk of the train’s current occupants, leaving me a seat or two for myself (which it eventually did do, as usual), was almost ten minutes away (7:50 to be exact), and I was exhausted. So much so, that I couldn’t even bother trekking through the cars, due to the slim hopes of finding an empty eat.
So, what did I do? I just squat down slowly and inconspicuously, and sat on the floor, in the corner by the door. It was actually quite comfortable. (And familiar, seeing as I had done the exact same thing last night, too.)
Something else I did last night, was strike up conversation with a guy on the train. Yes, he was reading a Spanish study book. No, I have never seen people start talking to strangers on the trains here. Ever. But I just couldn’t resist – a Japanese guy is standing in front of me, not only studying Spanish, but he is really into it… and it happens to be around 12:30am. First off, how is he even reading right now? Second, why is he so into it, that he is engrossed in the book, although he looks exhausted?
Suffice to say, I decided to talk to him, and have now adopted him as one of my friends. (We are now Facebook friends and Line buddies, due to my finding him on each (again, totally not something a girl typically does here, according to what I’ve been told by Japanese friends).)
Yesterday, heading into town, I found myself lip synching to various musical numbers and anything else that popped up on shuffle on my iPod… and hard core, too, with some dancing around (in place) and head shaking and such. I paused briefly, when at a really intense part of Defying Gravity, suddenly thinking about how this must look for the people around me. The pause was a mere pause, though, as I thought it through, and determined that I really don’t mind not fitting in. I want to be loved. Fitting in is of no importance. Just love. And people can’t love me, i they don’t get to know who I am. And at that moment, lip synching to amazing songs was a perfect expression of my self. So I resumed… and continued for the next almost half hour (at which point the music mellowed out, and I found a place to sit on the train, so I just continued with casual lip synching).
With all of this happening in the past 24 hours, I think I have officially reached the point where I can declare that I just won’t ever fit in here. ;P Ever. And that’s totally okay. 🙂