Author: hannah.ananas

Normally, I am so not about having someone mail me clothes, especially not secondhand clothes. However, this baby outfit is made in Austria, which is where I’m from, sort of. (Not at all, actually, but I lived there for a while, and so it feels very like home and is definitely a big part of me and who I am. So, poorly worded initially, but same sentiment.) Österreich is home to me, in a way, so I’d love to have this very well-priced baby Dirndl for my daughter to wear a few times this year. And I am even willing to pay more to ship it than the lady is asking for the outfit itself. That’s how much I’d like my daughter to be able to wear this outfit.

And did I mention that it is also actually super cute and has great colors? Because it does. I think it would look delightful and complementary on my daughter. Win-win-win. (Because it’s also Austrian.)

I hope this works out this week!

God, guide us always clearly, please. Keep us safe and well and together, always pursuing and fulfilling your will. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Took the baby to the opera tonight for her first experience at the opera. It was awesome. She loved it. Employees – and real ones, not simply the volunteer ushers, though they agreed – loved her and were super happy to see someone so young in attendance. She was also all dressed duo adorably, which totally added to the cute factor.

One lady specifically came to tell us that she was glad we were there and that we needn’t worry about noise from the baby; if anyone had an issue, we could send them to her. Fortunately, the baby was quiet enough to be inside for more than half of the evening. My mom and I traded off taking her outside whenever she got a little too excited about the music and performance, that she started cooing and yakking along. Once, she even bumped her head on a wall when I let her sit on the ground in the back for a bit, and I had to rush out with her, because she started crying. I’d say that was the only actual disturbance she may have caused. Though, even that was very brief.

This was the right performance for brining her, to be sure, as it was several individual songs/scenes from various operas, a showcase. So, there were constant breaks and it was easy to go in and out. One cool bit was that they now do a miniature interview of two performers after each piece, so the audience gets a chance to get to know them and connect with them. It was very cool.

Anecdote of the night: An Asian guy – I genuinely missed where he was from, because I was outside with the baby when they first started talking, but he mentioned he loves the restaurant Mala Sichuan, which is an awesome restaurant for Sichuan Chinese food – discussed how he had moved here and spoke very little and very poor English. As he was moving into an apartment, he happened upon a cat that was eating from the trash outside. He said the cat just looked at him like, “Welcome to my home.” He had never considered himself a cat person, but he ended up taking the cat in and adopting it. He would sing to the cat all the time, and the cat would sit and just watch him as he sang – it felt like there was a dialogue between them after he finished singing. ‘Yes, pretty good. But your high notes could use some work.’ He said that he had thought he was rescuing the cat, but it turned out that the cat actually rescued him. He was in a new and foreign place, spoke the language poorly, and didn’t have any local family or friends yet. The cat became a close friend who didn’t care how bad his English was – only that he fed it. And they still have this great relationship. Also, – and his co-performer made sure he added this information before closing – he named the cat “Healthy”. Why? “Because I just want it to be healthy.”

Super adorable and wonderful.

Great time at the opera tonight.

Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Well, I managed much better last night on the air mattress. However, it was still too hot. I even adjusted the air one degree and opened our window again (because it was much cooler outside than in the house, even though outside wasn’t actually cold). It was functional, but my sleep was still crappy and only about half the night. Tonight is the final night I’ll be in this environment, so I anticipate much better sleep after tonight.

I am immensely grateful for our home and our electricity and air conditioning. God has given me an opportunity to be grateful for the subtle things and happy in their presence despite outside seemingly big difficulties. Lots in life, including the big stuff, can be hard right now, but the ease of having a clean and comfortable home is incomparable. And we do have that.

Thank you, God. Please, keep us safe and well and together, especially my husband and daughter. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Dear God, please, help me to sleep well tonight and each night. Grant us all rejuvenating sleep. Guide us to be our best selves. Help us to love ourselves and one another well. Help me to be kind and gentle with my husband. Help him to hear me clearly. Please, keep him and our daughter and me safe and well and together. Thank you for our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Well, we made it to San Antonio. Only two and a half hours after scheduled. And it seems like the only thing we move forgotten so far is the baby wash. Though, I wish I had been extra and had brought the electric fan for the baby outside, because then we could have used it in the bedroom overnight. It is quite warm in here, and I am worried I will end up not sleeping much.

God, please, make it cool enough for us to sleep comfortably and well each night. Keep us safe, make us well, and keep us together, please, especially my husband and daughter. Thank you for this day. In your names I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

I recently found out that both my parents canceled their home phone lines instead of transferring them to a mobile line. This news was genuinely crushing, because these have been my home phone numbers since I was four years old. I had, in recent years, hoped to use the numbers myself, should my parents ever decide they didn’t want the landlines anymore. But now they are gone for good, and it is upsetting me a shocking amount.

On another note, I started wearing my wedding ring and engagement ring again this weekend. This was a huge move for me. When I was pregnant, I eventually hit a point where I couldn’t stand the tactile experience of things touching me, so I couldn’t even wear my silicone ring near the end of the pregnancy. (All I could stand was my watch, and only sometimes, because it put pressure on my wrist in a way that helped with lessening the nausea.) I noticed a couple weeks ago that I wasn’t having the same tactile reaction anymore, and so I started wearing the silicone ring. One, because it is stretchy and I wouldn’t have to risk the mental struggle that trying on my normal rings might create if they happened to be too tight still (from the weight gain of the pregnancy). Two, because I was worried about hitting the baby and scratching her with the engagement ring.

So, I tested out the feeling of wearing the silicone band. It seemed to be reasonably good, though I did have to stretch it a bit to have it be comfortable. But then it was fine after a bit of stretching. So, after a couple weeks or so of that, I felt mentally prepared to try it the real rings, in terms of safety with the baby, that is. Fortunately, though they were slightly snugger than in the past, they still fit comfortably (and the engagement ring even started spinning today, it was loose enough), so I was able to wear them without discomfort. The day went really well, and I was so happy to be wearing my rings again, to be able to show the world around me about me and my wonderful husband.

So, I wore them again today, too.

But then I started having a sort of breakdown this afternoon, because this was such a huge thing for me, and on several levels, yet no one even seemed to notice. I had been worried for months that people were thinking I was not married, yet not a single person even noticed that I was suddenly wearing rings. And it’s not like they have to comment or even notice. I was just a bit surprised and a lot deflated that not a single person did, not even my family, the people who know firsthand about the struggles I had with rings this past year-ish.

So, yeah… double ring upset this week and a half-ish.

God, keep us safe and well and together, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

It’s just a lot to handle right now, and especially so to have to do it all on my own. Women who want to have babies without a partner or spouse are dumb. (Okay, fine, utterly uninformed, and so naïve.) Managing a baby mostly on my own has been ridiculously hard. And it might be about to get even harder. We just will have to see how the next week or two go in order to discover what awaits us for a regular schedule for the next six plus months.

God, protect us and guide us clearly and kindly, please. Make your will our will, and help us to succeed in being our best selves each step of the way. May us well and keep us safe and together, please. If it be your will, have my husband back home each evening to be with his family, or else most nights. Help him to progress in his work pathway to care for and support us, his family. Help me to support him powerfully. Help him to support me powerfully and how I most need it. Lee him and our daughter safe and well, please. Thank you for our home. Keep it safe, too, if you would, please. And thank you for the laughter reminder and the laughter itself. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

My head has been throbbing for hours. It started pounding big time when we got home tonight. My husband just massaged a lot of muscles in my neck and upper shoulders/back. It was immensely helpful for my body as a whole, but the headache seems to remain exactly the same.

So, going to sleep with prayers of healing.

Lord, heal me, please. Keep my husband and my daughter safe and well and whole. Keep our home always safe. Thank you for all. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

Today, I broke down emotionally. Lots and lots of crying. My sister let me sleep in her bed for about two and a half hours while she and her kids took care of my baby. Fortunately, they had a blast.

I’m still worn down to brittle. I have been carrying a lot lately, and for multiple people. Normally, I can do it for one person, but for three extras right now is very hard. I always carry the support for my dad in his relationship. I’m carrying the support for my husband and my mom right now, too, with all of their everything. And I’m managing myself and my own struggles, all while managing and caring for the baby, getting very little and short spurts of sleep. I am not okay right now. As I told my husband, I am not being mad at home or anything. I am just acknowledging that it is very hard and that I am breaking down from it all, because it really sucks right now. It is temporary, but it still sucks big time.

So, working on asking for more help from others right now. (Like my sister today.)

God, please, continue to guide us clearly each step of the way. Keep us safe and well and together, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2025

My husband regularly sits down or lies down before finishing things he needs or plans to do before bed, and then just falls asleep wherever he sits or lies. He regularly doesn’t get the things done, though often does them at some point in the middle of the night, whenever he wakes up randomly and then goes and gets ready for bed and goes to bed at three or four in the morning.

This has always upset me. Mostly, because I want to sleep in bed with my husband, and I want him to sleep in bed with me. Both for our relationship and for the physical aspect of having his touch. Physical touch is very healing for me. When he is absent a lot, a single night of his skin touching mine can chemically shift my entire experience of life from impossible to easy-peasy. Also, this upsets me because, recently, this is the only time that we are together most days. His work schedule has him gone as soon as he wakes up, and then getting home around 1:30 each morning. So, overnight is our only time together.

And then this also upsets me because I have told him how important it is to me that he come to bed with me. When he sits down while tired, nine times out of ten, he falls asleep. Yet, he consistently does it, despite my sharing with him how much it matters to me for his to come to bed. Which makes it now also hurtful that he won’t shift the behavior, make the effort. It lands as though I’m not worth it to him and that my requests don’t matter much to him unless they’re something he already wanted in the first place. I believe he loves me, yes. And this seemingly simple thing consistently makes it feel like I don’t really matter very much to him. Rather, that my happiness and emotional well-being don’t matter to him or strike him as important.

So, yes, that sucks…

I think I just need to say that all for right now.

God, guide me clearly and kindly and lovingly, please, each step of the way. Help me to be my best self, the person you made me to be. Keep my husband safe, please, and make him well and whole. Thank you for today. In your name, I pray. Amen.