Seriously, what the eff????! What in God’s name is happening? Please, help me to see it, Lord? I trust in you. This is still very upsetting right now for the hurt it is causing to those I love. And it is scary. God, help us to find our way and your way, please. Keep us safe and make us well, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
I had a good happy hour with my rodeo committee. Good conversations. Good connections. Good prospects for our next steps as a family.
My husband had a good result from someone’s disrespect and stupidity at work today, after doing some research and standing up for himself. So, that was good, too.
The crick in my neck is still there, but is much improved. Also, good.
My head has started to hurt tonight… though, not as badly as it did the other day… haha. So, a good version of not good. Haha.
God, help us to heal, please. Heal our words. Heal our bodies. Heal our hearts and minds, please. Make us well and keep us safe, especially my husband and our daughter. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
Today, as usual, I was searching online for airplanes, specifically for one to purchase. As I scrolled briefly through the listings on Facebook Marketplace – we do not expect to find one there, but I keep an eye out, just in case – I crossed a post that both baffled me and kind of freaked me out. It was a listing entitled “SILICONE DOLL”, all caps. Keep in mind, my search criteria are “airplane” with the price range of $1,250-$65,000. So, this doll listing is just suddenly there in the middle of all of these airplanes. And it isn’t an ad. It’s just a regular listing. It makes me think of the lifelike anatomically correct baby dolls I had growing up and which my cousin has always wanted for her own kids to have. But it was made of silicone(?).
I click the listing, because I need to understand more about this $5,500 silicone doll that showed up in my “airplane” search. It is listed as a name brand item – what?!?? Not only does someone make these, but we’re supposed to recognize the name of the creator?? Of course we are. Alejandra Zúñiga. And I looked it up. This is 100% real. Here’s the artist’s site. And here’s her Instagram page. Someone shows her a real baby and she makes a sculpture of that baby, then turns the sculpture into a doll and sells it. Apparently, lots of people do this. Artists. And the dolls weigh the same as the original baby, too.
Anyway, sure enough, this one I crossed is very lifelike and quite freaky. Kind of like wax figures. They just rub in a weird way. Except, this one rubs way worse. Haha. It’s just too real yet not. It even has hair… See for yourself:
If you want to delve a bit further, here’s a detailed Reddit page all about these dolls. Have fun!
Post-a-day 2025
I guess it is the things we most want to share that give us the most concern about sharing. It is the abnormal, the atypical, the mind-boggling that strikes us most, but also has us most concerned at being rejected by others.
Interesting…
Post-a-day 2025
God, help me to communicate clearly and with love. Help the people I love to feel my love for them in my actions and in my words always. Keep us safe and well and together, please, especially my husband and daughter. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
I find it hilarious when I switch sides while breastfeeding, and I can hear the milk sloshing around in my daughter’s stomach as she tilts from one direction to the other. 😛
Post-a-day 2025
It is hard to have family pulled away. It is even harder to have it happen after having discussed for years that a lack of certain measures would cause problems… yet the family didn’t follow through with preventing those problems. And it is even harder to watch those problems pull family away from other family members, and seeing them be hurt by it all.
Sucks.
I trust that we will be okay. That doesn’t make it not sucky right now, but it gives me hope to trust in my instincts and to let it all just be for now. God is at work in ways we do not know nor understand.
Thank you, God, for this chance for growth. Please, keep us safe and well and together. Help to heal all our wounds. Please, keep our home safe. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
The baby woke up in the middle of the night, as is her regular schedule. However, for the second night in a row, she has found herself wide awake after nursing and has taken it upon herself to have a fun time with her dad. Obviously, it is adorable and wonderful. Also, my husband doesn’t see her much right now. So, we allow it. But I cut it a bit short tonight so that we all could get back to sleep.
Hilariously, she was lying down with her dad, and all was quiet, then a sudden massive fart came out of her. My husband and I met eyes and then both silently chuckled. The baby gave a huge grin all on her own, like she was laughing at her own fart. It was great.
Anyway, goodnight!
Post-a-day 2025
Tonight, I am tired. Very tired, in fact. But I got pockets made and out into a dress and I redid the invisible zipper on that same dress. I still need to add another invisible zipper onto it, but it has the other work done on it, so I technically can wear it now, if it comes to it. I actually really like this dress and I want to wear it. But I have to be careful about it, because I can’t nurse on the left side without taking off the whole top of the dress. Thus the need for another invisible zipper. But I’ve got to buy that first, then I can put it in. Anyway…
I’m exhausted. I asked my mom to consider coming early tomorrow so that I can exercise before the massage I have scheduled – don’t worry, not only is it at the massage school where massages are less than half the normal prices, but it’s with a voucher we purchased on discount two Christmases ago, so it isn’t costing us any money this time. But I’ve now not gotten to bed at all at a reasonable time, and it wouldn’t surprise me if I don’t really wake up slash get up until after she gets here.
On that note, I’m kind of stressed to go to sleep. Some people came into our neighborhood last night to steal cars. They stole our next-door-neighbor’s brand new truck out of his driveway. It really scared me to hear that, because my husband leaves his cars out front filled with important and valuable things all the time. Maybe not filled with them, but the items are definitely in there. It would be more than the sadness and the hassle of a stolen or broken-into car, by a lot.
Dear God, please, keep our possessions safe and in our possession. Keep us and our home safe and well. Make us happy, healthy, holy, and together on our family, please. Guide us clearly with this plane and job situation, please, and promptly. Thank you for these opportunities. Help us to be the people you call us to be, our best selves. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
I think I had a demon or three removed from me yesterday. And I’m not even joking.
It was wild. My body was convulsing in all sorts of ways, my legs fully flexed, and it felt as though various parts of me were being held onto and pulled on, then suddenly released at different times… like someone grabbing on somewhere, being wrenched off, and then grabbing the next possible place, again and again. But then it got weaker and weaker, and then a final release happened and it all was calm, the convulsions stopped, the weird breathing where I kept exhaling without inhaling and the intense crying all just stopped… and I was calm and at ease and very tired.
I rested there in the chair for maybe ten minutes or so, then got up when I felt the urge to do so. I blew my nose and marveled at my reflection in the mirror – I didn’t look the same, though I couldn’t have explained what specifically looked different. I felt different. I felt emptier, somehow. My body felt genuinely like it was pounds lighter, like how it had felt before I was pregnant. Looking at myself, I kind of laughed and said, “Hi.” I was myself again, fully. I could feel that. And I could feel a space, like an absence, like how the bed next to me is warm still when someone next to me gets out. But also kind of like how my belly and bowels feel after a full bowel movement. (Hmm… Gross. Anyway…) A good kind of emptiness, of voiding.
Ever since, I have noticed how light I still feel and how easy my brain runs. I have thoughts and I have worries and concerns, but they’re all just normal again, like they used to be. I don’t go down a spiral under a barrage of increasingly terrifying concerns and fears or ‘what if’ scenarios. I just have the single thought or concern, and then I move on naturally, usually without even trying. I have normal levels of concern now… again. And I haven’t felt panicked at all, despite the fact that I used to experience a sense of panic several times a day. I’ve just been kind of calm. Sure, things have bothered me, pissed me off, even. But I make my complaint and then am pretty much okay about the situation. I have my dislike or upset and then move on with things, do what I need to do. The thoughts end there on the subject.
Life is very different now from a day and a half ago.
It feels like normal again. Like the life I enjoy living. (Versus the one I’ve been struggling to survive lately. And wanting to ‘get through’ to the next phase, it’s been so hard lately.)
So, yeah… I guess I experienced an exorcism yesterday. It feels so bizarre even to write or say that, like I must be a crazy person. But I’m not. I’m actually sane right now, and I can see how much I hadn’t been sane these recent months. Wild.
She just kept telling me not to resist anything. Just let it happen. We were talking about how a priest had healed my uterus at Church, and how I had told him that I believed God Could heal me right now, but that I felt like I wasn’t worthy of it. And she said, “You see? Half belief… half healing.”
And then I broke down crying and it all started.
She isn’t even Christian.
She just said that I don’t have to go looking – ‘God is in you and you can heal right now. So, let’s just do it, let’s handle it right now, okay?’
I could feel the being being ripped out of me, and I could feel it fighting not to go. And I trusted her words and didn’t resist anything and just let it happen.
It was so, so weird.
And how I kept exhaling, almost like a cat hissing, it was so strong and intense. I couldn’t relax my toes or thighs or calves or abdomen the entire time, and my legs eventually started stamping the ground, having me writhe back and forth in the chair like I was being yanked around… always exhaling, rarely inhaling, like a three-to-one ratio that didn’t make sense scientifically. (I even had a thought of how many pounds I must be releasing with all this CO2…)
The weirdest part was how I ended up arched way backward, my mouth wide open… muscles fully flexed, fingers and wrists curled like a raptor… I kept having the thought, ‘I must look possessed right now.’
The irony, of course, is that I must have actually been so. haha
So, it was something else. Literally.(!!!)
Thank you, God. Please, keep us safe and well and together and keep our home safe and well and together. Thank you for this life and for your healing love. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
hannah ananas 