Occasionally, I hear my mom in the other room, talking softly and sweetly to the baby, as though she were whispering sweet nothings to the baby. The baby occasionally coos back cutely. It is almost like a conversation. Whenever I focus in and actually listen to what my mom is saying, I discover the same thing: Encouraging phrases about pooping. The most common one, of course, is her saying, “You got anymore?”
It is both hilarious and adorable, and I love it.
Post-a-day 2025
I am improving, though absolutely had to get back on the full dosage of the Tylenol and Advil after I tried halving them yesterday – my whole belly region is still very much not okay yet, and I could barely move yesterday by afternoon without the full dosage of medicine. The baby seems to be getting better at nursing in greater quantities, though she still is sorting out digestive struggles.
God, please continue to help us improve, and keep us in your love. Make us well, keep us safe, and be always with us clearly, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
I can hear them both talking, addressing me… they’re telling me that I need to wake up, because it’s time to nurse the baby… I stir slightly.
But what are they talking about? She’s right here. I feel the heat of her up against me as I lie on my left side, carefully cradling her, cuddling her while she nurses… It is always so cozy and lovely when she nurses like this and we get to snuggle…
They keep addressing me, wanting a response from me (more than I have given thus far, anyway). They tell me, ‘Here – take her,’ and I don’t understand. I wrench my eyes open. Through the blur, I see one of them holding the baby. I turn my senses to what I’d thought was the baby. I tell them I’d thought I was nursing her. We all process together…
I was cuddling the stuffed elephant while sleeping. Not the baby.
While this was not the first time for me of having thought I was nursing the baby, only to find that I was just cuddling a stuffed animal (it had always been the stuffed dog previously), it was the first time I’d said the words aloud about the situation. Somehow, it was one of the funniest things for all of us.
My mom was so tickled, she brought it back up several times after the fact. Because it is funny to have someone think she’s nursing a baby but it turns out she’s half asleep and it’s a stuffed elephant. I still laugh when I think about it.
Post-a-day 2025
We still had indigestion today, but it seemed a bit more manageable, somehow. We stayed in bed until almost 11 this morning – do recall that we were up every 1.5-3 hours all night long to feed and burp the baby and change its diaper – and that helped both me and my husband physically and emotionally. Mentally, we both wanted to be able to be up and about before then. However, I embraced the rest I managed to get doing things this way. The last hour and a half or two were spent cuddling my daughter, so that was an extra bonus. My husband was still annoyed by the late sleep, but he rolled with it in the end.
Well, my brain is done functioning for today, so that’s apparently all I have to say about that(!).
Post-a-day 2025
There was some major indigestion today for the little one, which meant my husband and I both got overwhelmed. When he left to run errands in the late afternoon, I was incredibly hungry to begin. When the baby started freaking out with her indigestion, it made everything go downhill very quickly for me. My abdomen still cannot stand me up, so I have to use both arms and both legs to get myself upright every time. Holding a baby and doing this is nigh impossible, extremely difficult, and very uncomfortable, borderline painful. I had to do it several times today, which massively sucked. All while the baby was crying.
I know I want to have this baby and keep it and do all these parenting things. I just don’t want to be in physical pain anymore – it makes everything else so intensely difficult. And it makes me want it all just to chill out and leave me alone for a while. So, I’m going to bed and not really caring much about anything else. I’m hoping I might get some rest, which is a guarantee at making life feel much better at this point.
God, heal me, please, and keep me and the baby and my husband safe and well. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
My mom is planning to be in her own bed at her house tomorrow night. I am not ready for this. My body can’t handle all the nighttime stuff yet. I fear it will not go well.
God, help me, please. Make me and the baby well and keep us and my husband safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
Well, I believe I have discovered how to nap. I was wondering how I had been able to nap in the first few days but not recently. She consumes more milk at each nursing now and sleeps for longer stints as a whole (though, mostly at night). Why am I getting less sleep? During the day, anyway…
And then I discovered it.
She sleeps well on or against one of us, a body. If she’s on a pillow or in the swing, she will sleep a much shorter time just about every time. Yes, chances are much higher with the swing than with the pillow. However, neither compares to the efficiency of letting her pass out on top of or snuggled up against one of us.
So, today, after I nursed her at one point, she burped quickly, and I just lay her down on top of me, with pillows on either side in the lounge chair for extra support and safety, got my husband to put some blankets on me, leaned the chair back, and passed out. We had a lovely nap together, and I woke up well before she did, letting me be mentally prepared for her to nurse as soon as she did wake. Such a blessing.
I hope this continues to work. It not only gives me the rest I need, but the bonding of it is incomparable. I think it has helped immensely with the feelings of being used and abused. I still feel that I am being used, but the sense of abuse has dropped significantly. And that’s after only three naps together. I hope it continues to improve with more snuggle time – it just feels right this way. Perhaps it’s all just part of the design of it all… most likely, it is.
Ha… I hadn’t even though of that, it’s just been so hard… I’m grateful it seems to be changing for the better now.
Thank you, God. Make us well and keep us safe, please, especially my husband and our daughter and me. Thank you for this home and this family and this life. Guide us to be our best selves, and willingly so. Help us to follow your will freely. Grant us a clear and positive and fulfilling path forward financially, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
“You ready for me to bring in the do…… oh, man!”
“She’s not a dog, hun…”
We both laughed heartily at this small exchange. He pointed out how didn’t even finish saying it, but that we both knew he was in the middle of saying “dog”, as though our daughter were, in fact, our dog.
To be fair, she has a lot in common with a dog. She also squeaks like a dog’s squeaker toy whenever she has the hiccups each day. She often seems more like a toy or a doll than a person – we just aren’t accustomed to people who don’t speak in words and who sleep most of the day and wake us up all night long because they’re hungry. 😛
Post-a-day 2025
Well, then… this says tears develop around a month to six weeks old for a baby… guess our baby is advanced in her tear duct production, as she has cried with tears every single day. And that includes day one of her life… Special baby here, with special genes, it seems(!).
God, make our family well, please, and keep us safe. Thank you for this family and for our home. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2025
The midwife checked out my perineum and vagina today in our appointment. (She also confirmed that I actually hadn’t caused the breathing distress of my child that first night, and that it truly was an accidental situation that I, myself, saved. So, even if I did play a partial role in its all having happened, it was fully because of my attentiveness that the issue was discovered and addressed so immediately. Also, the baby knows how to breathe now, and I can rest more easily in that knowledge.)
She said everything looked really good. However, the super sharp, pokey feeling I have been having had a distinct culprit: the end of a suture that was left long (unnecessarily). Remember, a doctor stitched up everything, not the midwife. But the midwife went ahead and gently got in there and snipped off the two little ends (one was actually close to a quarter inch long, the longer piece). I haven’t had a single poke since. I think she resolved the most intense issue I was having in my vagina… the other part that has still been hurting somewhat constantly, but in a tight and pulling way, not sharp and stinging, she saw clearly, as well. It is in deeper part of where I had to be stitched up, and those stitches are still doing their job of helping things reconnect and heal. She expects they will not dissolve for another week or so. However, that pain is much more of a tolerable pain than the pokey one. But it is nice to know why that area hurts more than everywhere else. And that all is going in the right direction. (And that parts of me didn’t grow together that are not supposed to be connected. I was genuinely worried about that one!)
So, that was all really positive. She offered silver something to help healing go faster. However, my body reacted negatively to the idea, and the thought of having any further pain in an area that currently has a lessened pain that most likely will continue to improve… it just didn’t seem necessary. So, didn’t do that.
Anyway, sleep. Goodnight.
P.S, We named our daughter today. It was very special for us. Thank you, God. Amen.
Post/a-day 2025
hannah ananas 