Tomorrow, my life is scheduled to alter. A friend is coming over late morning, we’ll run a couple or few errands together, taking good advantage of her car’s being here, and then our plan is to pack up everything I no longer need for my daily life, but that I want to keep in my life once I have moved back to the US. To me, it is a sort of marker for the official beginning of the end; an end to which I look forward with great enthusiasm.
There are certainly many, many…, and let’s throw in another many things and people that I will miss from here. However, so much of my life here consists of my job, which I very much dislike as a whole, and my solo city and apartment, of which I am not a fan (I really dislike being solo in life. I’m fine with a solo apartment, so long as I have regular interaction (like daily, often multiple times a day) with people I love and who love me. That, however, is not at all the case in my life here.). Therefore, I am greatly looking forward to the end of this bit of my life.
In an odd way, I have felt as though I have taken a year out of my life. As opposed to this having been a year of my life, it feels like a year out of my life, as though we could hit pause and go on brief tangents in life. (Perhaps it’s more like changing the channel briefly, always knowing that the real show is on the original channel. Something like that.)
So, I find myself delighted to be packing up tomorrow, getting ready to move forward. It allows me to let go of the material objects, as well as the concern of how to move them into the next part/s of my life (Think plane trips with insane amounts of baggage – this is about ten times worse than that.), and focus my attention and mental space on the people and world around me that I want to love as much as possible while I am here. It has been difficult for me to love at times while being here, and that, in and of itself, has been a powerful lesson for me in my life – learning to love when all I want to do is throw a fit at how terrible and unloving a situation is to me. I want to do what I can to love this world around me, while I have the chance, and I know that tomorrow is a good step in having that happen.
And I’m terrified. In a wonderful way, of course.