Sometimes, I just have no idea where I am standing in the world. Tonight, just now, actually, I went outside to see if I could see Cassiopeia, the constellation. I just finished the film Serendipity, and realized that I had never looked up Cassiopeia, up above, I mean. So I checked how it looks, and then went outside to find it. After giving up once, and going back inside, I decided to look it up online again, though still briefly, and went back outside. I felt almost desperate as I discovered that I likely would not be able to identify the constellation tonight. I accepted my fate easily and with a respectable sense of calm. However, there was a certain sense within me that was noticed deep within, a feeling of desperation, though I couldn’t say for what. I headed back down the little street and turned the corner to my apartment, longing to fall-crawl into bed, snuggle up, and cry with my stuffed animals and blankets holding me closely and lovingly.
Walking up the stairs in my socks, sandals, and James P. “Sulley” Sullivan onesie, I asked myself and the world at large what I am resisting. What is my life trying to show me right now, that I’m not seeing? What am I afraid to accept and take on, that the world is setting forth for me? What am I avoiding? What is the question to ask right now?
I don’t know.
I’m going to find Cassiopeia, though, even though it isn’t happening tonight. That is one thing I do know, and I thank God for that, in addition to my life, at the very least.