I’m lying in my bed, eyes closed, head on pillow, lamp on, and I am snuggling my stuffed animal (it’s a dog) and holding my phone, which is illuminated and plugged into the wall. A blank page awaits me, and sleep just barely evades me. What do I write tonight? What is it that people need to read, or just want to read? What is it that I need to express? What is ready to come out of me for now and forever?
Sometimes, answering these questions is all too easy, and I almost don’t even have to ask them. And other times, I can barely even ask them, for lack of an answer for any of them. Sometimes, what needs to come out of me, I am unwilling to let go at the present moment. And sometimes, what others want to read, I do not have to share (currently, anyway). A friend told me that she wanted me to write a book about my life, and that she would be an avid reader if I wrote it. This is something said by one person. And yet, it is a driving force behind my dedication to writing daily – if I am to write a book, I wanted to be comfortable and easy writing constantly.
As it is, it is easy for me to write, and even to find plenty of topics about which I want to write. My only struggle however comes in with timing. When do I most have time to write currently? At least, when do I most have time to write, as well as a comfort around me that creates the will to write? Just before bed, when I’m at home and comfy and happy and at ease. This means, on most days, anyway, that I am exhausted by the time it is time to pick a topic for writing. Therefore, I often go for whatever topic will be shorter to share. And how unfair is that? I realize the shorter topic is no less important than the longer. It is merely that the longer stories almost never have a chance. It also means that I have a significantly higher rate of error in my writings, in part due to my sleepiness and lack of clear vision, and often in part due to the fact that I use speech recognition to write, as though I am simply telling a story with verbal punctuation in it. Occasionally, speech recognition doesn’t quite capture what I am actually saying in my slightly mumbled and slurred state of sleepiness. Sometimes, however, I kind of just don’t make any sense in the first place, and speech recognition has almost nothing to do with the resulting semi-nonsense.
Anyway, … that’s tonight. Goodnight and good morning.