Today, I was granted the opportunity I have so greatly desire these past few years to compete in a certain category of dancing. Years ago, it was only normal for me to compete in this category, but then some mental things happened, I didn’t like where I stood with the category, and so I stopped. Until I had a new perspective and relationship with it all, it was best that I not participate…, though I am only just now realizing the truth to this – at the time, I was just tired of my fear of rejection, and especially the seemingly constant unfortunate partnerships in which I ended up being.
So today, I had a beautiful and brief and clearly god-given chat with someone who gave me my new perspective. There was barely ten minutes remaining for sign-ups for all competitions, though everyone was pretty much all signed up for everything desired at this point, and a guy near me suddenly turned to me and asked me if I were competing this weekend.
We talked about it. I explained where I stood with perspective, including my desire for a new one, and he gave me his own perspective, and well as some on-the-spot thought-out ideas. I was nervous, yet excited, as he accompanied me to the registration desk, and I registered myself for one category, and asked for help in finding a partner for the other category.
Thirty minutes later, I had my partner (who had already signed up, but just without a name for the parent, so we just added my name onto his registration), and I was even excited about competing.
When it came time for competition tonight, he and I had danced maybe four songs together total. So our fifth ever song was in competition (and sixth and seventh). I felt a bit meh about our performance, but I was okay with it – we had only just met, and I hadn’t really known the songs too well or at all, not was I in the habit any longer of competitive dancing. So there were a million improvements to be made to meet just my own standards for making finals in a contest of this caliber.
Sure enough, my sentiments were validate when I watched the videos of our dances – not bad, but not great either. Just meh – average whatever mixed with good spurts here and there. And so I didn’t much expect to make finals, leaving me comfortable with the resulting non-finals-making. Yeah, it’s a bummer not to make finals. And I want to be confidently in finals whenever I am in them, instead of being in them by surprise. You know what I mean? I want to deserve it without a doubt, as opposed to being mediocre and that being enough.
And so, I am happy that I competed. And tomorrow, I might not make finals either. That one has been mentally harder for me on the past. However, I think this is the perfect time and place for me to try it out, give it a go, and keep my head held high, all in preparation for future dancing events. I want perfection of myself, and competition is a darn good way to work towards that. I was reminded of that today. Both parts of it. So I no longer have to compete to win the competition, but can compete in an aim for my own perfection. I mean, come on – who doesn’t want perfection when hundreds of people are quite obviously watching? Hmm?? 🙂