I sometimes wonder if my attachment to objects is somehow strongly connected to how I grew up with my siblings…

You see, during my Freudian development years, I have five siblings, and it would be anywhere from all five to non of them around, depending on the current situation… and I have a feeling that it was more often none of them around than any.

I have this vague memory of having a room full of toys when I was really little – it’s just a glimpse sort of memory of this one moment in this one particular house and bedroom… I wonder if my mom kind of surrounded me by toys – granted, we had awesome, genius-type toys and books, not stupid stuff, but there might have been a decent amount of them around – as a means of giving me the company I lacked from my siblings… possibly not, but also possibly so, just not consciously so…

Or maybe I just associate with objects as very important, because those were the versions of my siblings that did stay around whenever the real ones left…

It is difficult for me to let go of things, – I let go of them nowadays, though it definitely takes a lot of work for me to do so – and I wonder if it isn’t in part due to their representing my being surrounded by people who love and care about me.

Maybe not… it was just an idea that floated around for a while, and sounded like an interesting possibility.

I do think it is kind of odd, though, how often it seems I was alone, sibling-wise, in my early years, when considering that I technically had five siblings.

That’s just how those divorces worked out, you know?

Post-a-day 2018

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