I shared a lot tonight. It almost scares me, because it was open honesty about something that has never been open to the public, something about which I had been for so long ashamed… yet part of me, now, wants to go ahead and share it openly, not anonymously, with the world. I am not yet ready for that – I don’t know that I want the people who know me to see me so differently as they necessarily would by learning about it all. No matter how much I can see that it all was not my fault, it doesn’t change the fact that I am still embarrassed at being, I guess one could say, duped.
You know what I mean? I could have done so much better, despite the odds’ being so much against me… I just didn’t.
And something about that still feels a bit disappointing, though I do not blame myself, anymore.