Sometimes, it feels like life is on the brink of either incredible breakthrough or tremendous breakdown… as though I’m balancing on a fence, walking along the upper slate of wood, like I did all the time as a kid. I know it isn’t very safe, and so I am careful, but I do it, nonetheless. I know it could end in near-tragedy. But I know, too, that it could end in complete success. That’s how my life feels right now. Though my balance seems to be deteriorating as of late, it still feels like I am just one little step away from something huge.
Do I even really care what that is? I think not. I just want to know that there is actually something there.
I know fully that I could drop all of this and move elsewhere, find great work, and move forward happily in life. But something has me here right now, and makes going elsewhere feel like running away. I just can’t see what it is that I keep wanting to escape every time my balance gets wobbly. I can’t see the hand that is gripping me from behind, pinning me here either. I guess I’m walking the fence with blinders on… makes me feel even worse for horses, because this kind of really sucks.
Whatever… I’ll keep thinking on it all. I know everything will be great eventually for me. I’m clear on that. I just hope that I don’t end up running away from something, leaving myself incomplete… perhaps that is the key to everything moving forward. Well, of course it is. Duh. Hmm…