Finishing the chapter

I don’t remember where I heard it recently, but I heard the phrase that was something to the effect of, “How can you expect to move to the next chapter of your life, when you keep re-reading this chapter?”

I really loved and love the wording of this, though the idea is not new to me.  However, the new wording allowed me to look at it a bit differently.  I notice now that I am actually working on just this, proactively so since I heard the quote/phrase.  I have been looking specifically at areas where I am at unease in my current life chapter, and seeing what has me be at unease in them.  Finding those is the first step in moving past them – as soon as I see them, I can do something with them.  So long as they evade me, I am left with only the result of their existence, and cannot seem to do anything differently in those circumstances.  I want to move on to the next chapter of my life, and I see that these are all things I need to handle for myself, so that I don’t have to continue going back and revisiting, re-reading, them over and over again.

A large point on this has been the idea of how certain people (in a particular area of my life especially) perceive me, contrasted with how I have wanted them to see me in the past, and then tumbled together with the questions of Why did I want to be perceived that way? and Do I even want to be perceived that way anymore?  It has been unique, to be sure.  And I am liking the forward movement of it all.

A quick bit on it all: Other people’s opinions of me is none of my business, as I well know, and I have been reminded of that.  Taking that into account, I have been examining why I ever really cared, and found that I wanted them to see me as I found an acceptable appearance… though that was not necessarily exactly how I was.  And so, I am dealing with releasing any wish to be seen as something inconsistent with who I really am and who I really want to be.  I have done stupid things, things I utterly dislike.  I have done wonderful things, things I love.  And I have done stupid things that I love, as well as wonderful things that I don’t much like.  So, what?  Those are things I have done.  They are not I.  They merely contribute to the formation of who I currently am, always helping me to be better than I was in my previous breath.  I have loads of specifics on all of this, but I don’t really want to share them… not yet, anyway.

Here’s to a Happy Thanksgiving weekend, everyone!

 

Post-a-day 2017

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