I don’t remember where I heard it recently, but I heard the phrase that was something to the effect of, “How can you expect to move to the next chapter of your life, when you keep re-reading this chapter?”
I really loved and love the wording of this, though the idea is not new to me. However, the new wording allowed me to look at it a bit differently. I notice now that I am actually working on just this, proactively so since I heard the quote/phrase. I have been looking specifically at areas where I am at unease in my current life chapter, and seeing what has me be at unease in them. Finding those is the first step in moving past them – as soon as I see them, I can do something with them. So long as they evade me, I am left with only the result of their existence, and cannot seem to do anything differently in those circumstances. I want to move on to the next chapter of my life, and I see that these are all things I need to handle for myself, so that I don’t have to continue going back and revisiting, re-reading, them over and over again.
A large point on this has been the idea of how certain people (in a particular area of my life especially) perceive me, contrasted with how I have wanted them to see me in the past, and then tumbled together with the questions of Why did I want to be perceived that way? and Do I even want to be perceived that way anymore? It has been unique, to be sure. And I am liking the forward movement of it all.
A quick bit on it all: Other people’s opinions of me is none of my business, as I well know, and I have been reminded of that. Taking that into account, I have been examining why I ever really cared, and found that I wanted them to see me as I found an acceptable appearance… though that was not necessarily exactly how I was. And so, I am dealing with releasing any wish to be seen as something inconsistent with who I really am and who I really want to be. I have done stupid things, things I utterly dislike. I have done wonderful things, things I love. And I have done stupid things that I love, as well as wonderful things that I don’t much like. So, what? Those are things I have done. They are not I. They merely contribute to the formation of who I currently am, always helping me to be better than I was in my previous breath. I have loads of specifics on all of this, but I don’t really want to share them… not yet, anyway.
Here’s to a Happy Thanksgiving weekend, everyone!