Hormones and brain cells aligning once more

I feel that I am very close to being back to normal again… almost there…

It was actually really cool and then funny when, earlier today, I had completely forgotten that I hadn’t been normal lately – I was just so normal, and didn’t even consider that this normal hadn’t been my normal until the past couple days.

When something a little odd happened, as I considered how I hadn’t yet done something on the mental list of today’s tasks, and whether I would do it at all, it suddenly occurred to me that, until that moment, I had been being completely normal for myself… and it was a fabulous realization.

Sure, I was noticing it because I was entering into a tiny state of my miserable not-normal from the past few weeks, but that didn’t even bother me… which shows how close to normal I have come as of today.

I voluntarily worked on and almost completed (I genuinely didn’t know three clues) a Tuesday crossword puzzle, I did the extra assignment before an online workshop, I helped multiple people over the phone, I exercised without prompting from my friend (and she apparently skipped her workout today), and I even went out walking for a bit, despite the rain.

As I mentioned, I certainly had some struggle points today, but most of the day was not struggle…, and that was and is an immense relief for me.

I’m a few more days, I am hoping, I will be completely comfortable in my skin and life again…, and I am comfortably looking forward to it.

As for now, gotta sleep ASAP, as I volunteered myself to drive my grandma around for errands… starting at seven AM… what’s with me, you wonder?

We all know I’m a late night person, a night owl more so than the early bird… Well…,

I am with me… at last.

Post-a-day 2020

So, what are you?

Today, I share something I received yet again in the e-mail for yesterday.  I love the quote in it, and something similar lives always within me in my everyday life.  I say and have said for years, “We are what we eat, and we are what we think about all day long.”  And I ask myself, “So, what am I?  What are my thoughts?  What am I thinking about all day?”

I now ask you the same.  Who and what are you?  What do you eat, and what do you think about all day long?  What words do you think (even if you do not say them)?  And what would you like to think?

I do a regular cleansing, so to speak, of my own thought patterns and language.  I evaluate what words and thoughts I have been using and entertaining, but which do not suit the self that I want to be.  And I make a conscious, daily, minute-to-minute effort to think the thoughts and use the words that I want myself to think and to use.

And I always feel so – for lack of any other way of describing it – clean afterward.  It almost feels like bathing, slowly but surely.

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JANUARY 9

We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far.

– SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

The ancestor of every destructive action, every destructive decision, is a negative thought. We do not have to be afraid of negative thoughts as long as we do not welcome them. They are in the air, and they may knock at anyone’s door; but if we do not embrace them, ask them in, and make them our own, they can have no power over us.

We can think of thoughts as hitchhikers. At the entrance to the freeway, we used to see a lot of hitchhikers carrying signs: “Vancouver,” “Mexico,” “L.A.” One said in simple desperation, “Anywhere!” Thoughts are a lot like those hitchhikers. We can pick them up or pass them by. Negative thoughts carry signs, but usually we see only one side, the side with all the promises. The back of the sign tells us their true destination: sickness and sorrow.

Nobody is obliged to pick up these passengers. If we do not stop and let them in, they cannot go anywhere, because they are not real until we support them. There is sympathy in the world: pick it up. There is antipathy in the world: don’t pick it up. Hatred destroys. Love heals.

 

The Thought for the Day is today’s entry from Eknath Easwaran’s Words to Live By.
You can view the Thought for the Day on our website

 

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Post-a-day 2018

Finishing the chapter

I don’t remember where I heard it recently, but I heard the phrase that was something to the effect of, “How can you expect to move to the next chapter of your life, when you keep re-reading this chapter?”

I really loved and love the wording of this, though the idea is not new to me.  However, the new wording allowed me to look at it a bit differently.  I notice now that I am actually working on just this, proactively so since I heard the quote/phrase.  I have been looking specifically at areas where I am at unease in my current life chapter, and seeing what has me be at unease in them.  Finding those is the first step in moving past them – as soon as I see them, I can do something with them.  So long as they evade me, I am left with only the result of their existence, and cannot seem to do anything differently in those circumstances.  I want to move on to the next chapter of my life, and I see that these are all things I need to handle for myself, so that I don’t have to continue going back and revisiting, re-reading, them over and over again.

A large point on this has been the idea of how certain people (in a particular area of my life especially) perceive me, contrasted with how I have wanted them to see me in the past, and then tumbled together with the questions of Why did I want to be perceived that way? and Do I even want to be perceived that way anymore?  It has been unique, to be sure.  And I am liking the forward movement of it all.

A quick bit on it all: Other people’s opinions of me is none of my business, as I well know, and I have been reminded of that.  Taking that into account, I have been examining why I ever really cared, and found that I wanted them to see me as I found an acceptable appearance… though that was not necessarily exactly how I was.  And so, I am dealing with releasing any wish to be seen as something inconsistent with who I really am and who I really want to be.  I have done stupid things, things I utterly dislike.  I have done wonderful things, things I love.  And I have done stupid things that I love, as well as wonderful things that I don’t much like.  So, what?  Those are things I have done.  They are not I.  They merely contribute to the formation of who I currently am, always helping me to be better than I was in my previous breath.  I have loads of specifics on all of this, but I don’t really want to share them… not yet, anyway.

Here’s to a Happy Thanksgiving weekend, everyone!

 

Post-a-day 2017

What to write…? a poem

What to write…?  What to write…?

Of legends?  Of thoughts?  Or of tonight?

Do I analyze something maturely,

Or speak from the heart purely?

Shall I cry or weep with relief,

Or in a blow of deleaf… defeat?

What is the point (Shall I write about that?)?

My efforts feel pointless, and quite often, in fact.

But what does that matter, when the measure is of others, not myself?

For this is not just another trophy for my nonexistent shelf.

It is whole and complete, and perfect, you see,

for it is meant as a place to express for I, myself, and me.
Post-a-day 2017