Tag: children

Life Goals…?

If you know me personally, don’t freak out, okay?

Now, I have this strange feeling that I have a somewhat unreasonable but real desire powering me into this next year of my life.  It’s not as though I am actively thinking, “This is why I am doing this,” or whatever.  It’s more like a secret desire and hope that is hanging out in the background of my mind and life, ever so slightly prodding me to be successful in all of my endeavors.

I am planning out my move back to the US this late summer, and I am emphasizing doing what I love to do, things that bring me true joy and fulfillment, and which easily bring forth the full efforts of my heart.  My time here in Japan has shown me that I do, in fact, love teaching, but that there is much more that I want to have be part of my daily and weekly life.  (And that I want to eat loads of fruit all the time.)  I also still hold that I want to make a comfortable amount of money, to where I can still always buy lunch for my friends, get an extra gelato at midnight, and go on random trips every month-ish.  So, I have this really neat and flexible plan for moving back to the States and getting myself in line with all of those things.

The biggest thing that has come up for me in all of this “life searching”, so to call it, though, is my love of children, and finally acknowledging that I want a child of my own, in my own home.  With this, of course, also came the acceptance of the idea that I want to adopt a child, and not birth one myself. (Though I’ve never liked the idea of giving birth, it’s certainly not the reason for wanting to adopt, – there’s a whole background to the adoption idea for me – but skipping the pains of birth is a great perquisite to adoption.)

And so, with all of that in mind, I find myself somehow secretly excited about finding a comfortable routine and financial balance in my next year.  Even though I know it might not even happen, the idea of being at a place where I could consider adopting, is… , well…, empowering.  It excites me about my next set of endeavors, and in a way I have never been excited about things.  This one, in a way, is somewhat selfless.  Yes, I want the child to be in my life and all.  But the whole goal is to give love and everything wonderful to another.  So, in a way, it’s like everything I do is for that someone else now.  Even if that someone else never ends up coming along for me, it’s an aim, a possibility, that empowers me to be and do the best I can.

I’m not so sure that I did a very good job of expressing all of this, and I know I’ve left loads of it out of the above text, but I just wanted to share it, at least in some degree, with the world.  I want a kid.  And I want to do what I can to create my beautiful dream life now, so that that kid can join me, and (semi-) soon.  ðŸ™‚
Post-a-day 2017

Moms as the best

You know how moms can sometimes be just the best thing ever?  Yeah, my mom is that a lot of the time.  For me, anyway.  (Naturally.  Haha.)  But it makes me wonder about the people who don’t get to experience their moms at all.  How do they survive? I ask myself.  Without that amazing, extraordinary powerhouse of a woman, how do they ever learn the best parts of life?  I suppose they find other women to fill various parts of the role, but certain bits are inevitably left unfulfilled.

Which brings me to my next point: I think I want to be a mom like crazy.  But that I want to adopt children.

First off, I am no fan whatsoever of birthing.  I laud anyone who does it and who is willing to do it – I could barely manage my first gynecology appointment without throwing up; birth does not seem reasonable for my future from that fact alone.  Add to it that I feel it to be, for myself anyway, irresponsible to bring more people into a painfully overpopulated society (read “world”), and the part where I may never have a partner to make the kids with me in the first place, and we’re getting closer and closer to the 0% marker.

However, despite the troubles they bring with them, I want to have kids.  At least one, anyway.  Sure, I’m terrified of totally messing up him or her.  But, I do have confidence in God and the world to help us out wonderfully.  So, this leads me to adoption.  I’m not sure how I would want to go about it exactly, but I think it has to start with volunteering at children’s homes (read “orphanages”).  Eventually, at some point in time, I’ll just know.  You know?

I said recently that I would like to have a child in about five years.  I think I do mean that.  And, no, I do not take this lightly – not in the least.  Remember, I’m not filling out the paperwork just yet.  I’m merely considering my feelings in terms of possible concrete results.  We’ll see what actually happens in another five years.

But I know how the right now I would like things to look, and they include a financially balanced me and a beautiful young child.  🙂

 

Post-a-day 2017