Tag: winter weight

Winter, Wait – Weight, Workout

Tonight, at the gym, I did a workout class that I’ve been wanting to do for a while now.  It was painfully hard, that class.  And not necessarily because the workout is a difficult one.  Yes, the workout was difficult and fast and rather nonstop.  But the hardest part of it was how my usual self could have kept up with it.

Right now, I don’t even want to weigh myself, because I know I haven’t been gaining any muscles lately, and I have definitely gained a whole extra layer of fat throughout a good portion of my body.  I have been through various weights, for sure, but I typically have a point which I never pass.  I am almost certain that I am past that point now.  I have never had the peeping of my belly be an issue before, because my belly has always looked nice.  Even when it had extra weight to it, it was a nice, smooth, ladylike curve.  It suggested a bit of plumpness to it, but still looked healthy.  Today, when I raised my arms in a stretch at work, I was saddened by the sight.  No longer do I have the cute belly peeping beneath the raised shirt.  It isn’t terrible, of course, but cute and feminine are no longer ways to describe it.

So, in this workout class this evening, as I was in a tremendous physical and mental struggle, tears were brimming at one point.  I initially thought to fight them off.  But then I realized that that was exactly why I was here in the class – because this kind of thing is hard for me right now, and I want to deal with that.  So, I let some tears have their say, and I put extra effort into what I was doing.  I was lame and slow for a lot of it, I couldn’t even do one of the exercises (going to talk with the teacher about how it’s meant to be done, and see what stretching would help me best to do the exercise), and, by the end, my whole face was flushed and I could barely breathe or move.  But I stuck it out.  I even stayed for the relaxation yoga class afterward, even though I was exhausted (mentally, physically, and sleep-wise) and ready for bed.

I even talked with one of the girls afterward about my wanting to come more often to the gym, as well as my struggle to do so (being depressed really does suck).  Today’s been a sort of up day for me, and I’m hoping to have a similar one tomorrow, so that I might start myself on a habit with going to the gym on days when I’m not already working just down the street from it.

Peace and Love, and Goodnight, folks.  😀

 

Post-a-day 2017

 

Winter Weight

When I’m stuck in the dead of winter, my body shares in that feeling of utter ugh-ness the weather brings to my mental state.  It is cold and miserable outdoors right now, and my body knows it, and only wants to stay bundled up indoors, watching films until Spring shows up.  Not to be cheesy, of course, but I’ll be quite ready to spring into action then, getting outdoors as much as possible each day.  I feel so stagnant in the cold, and it shows on my body, as well as on my mental health.

I make sure to vary my activities, so as to keep my brain working alright in winter.  Yes, I reach the downs much more often than desired, but I always manage to work through them, even if I have to ask for help to do it.  However, these activities are all related to my mental health, and are usually confined to managing myself within my apartment or at work.  That is to say, they are not outdoor, and therefore not very active, activities.

When the weather is decent to almost any degree, I find it so easy to be active out-of-doors.  This outdoor activity is the near-entirety of my physical exercise (read “workouts”) in life.  And so, when you remove these outdoor events, you remove almost all physical exercise I have in my life.

And, with that removal of exercise, comes the arrival of fat.  And, as many of us know, with the new fat, comes new and lowered levels of confidence and empowerment related to my body.  Sure, it’s just my winter weight, so to speak, but if I get a vacation to, say Singapore, there isn’t much delight in running around in my summer clothes that don’t quite fit the way they’re meant to fit me.  (I say this, because it’s already happened, you see.)  Even the loose-fitting stuff doesn’t quite fit so comfortably.  Though it might still look good on me, it is difficult to be comfortable when the formerly-loose clothes feel almost binding.

Now, I don’t have anywhere in particular that I was aiming to send this writing – it was just what was on my mind tonight.  I feel fat.  I have more fat than I want right now.  I dislike the feel and the look of it all.  I long for summer and summertime activities, making it all feel even worse right now (because I’m too fat for the summer stuff right now, remember).  And, despite all of this, I still have no motivation to get out in the cold – no way.  😛

I guess there’s no chance of my ever moving permanently somewhere cold.  (Although, I think having a dryer, as well as cold-weather clothing that actually fit me, would make a world of a difference for me, as I was out and running regularly in the snow in Vienna.)

Anyway, … ugh.  I even did a real workout today, here at home, and I’m feeling like this.  Haha.  What crazy minds we have, huh?  Okay, I’m going to go read.  Goodnight, folks!

 

Post-a-day 2017