Music in the night

I have been playing music this weekend… and particularly to share with others…

When I put up the first song, my cousin sent the video to me almost immediately, asking if this had not been a goal of mine…

I was, at first, a bit confused, until she specified, saying that she believed I had mentioned a desire to share music publicly with people… yes, that has been a somewhat longtime wish for me, and a more recent determination (that has been very slow-moving, but moving).

The whole reason I wanted to be able to play guitar was to be able to be spending time with people, and sing songs together, thanks to my hands on the guitar… I never had specifically high hopes or goals of being an expert player – I just wanted to be able to make music communally and to share songs I love with people I love.

Now, I find myself interested in improving my performance skills, but it is not out of the same drive as the original reason for wanting to learn – it is merely for my own enjoyment.

As far as the original desire goes, I guess I am at that point already – that is, I can play casually plenty of songs and sing along with them…, but when do I actually share them with others in any way?

I am by no means a top musician or singer, but I love music and singing, and I love sharing them both with others…

Sure, the ideal scenario is something much like a campfire surrounded by many people I love dearly…, but two main parts of it all are my having the confidence to perform/play and my actually sharing with others.

This past week, I have been experiencing lots of feelings of loneliness… not overwhelming, help me, please! feelings, – they’ve all been quite manageable, and I have managed them mostly beautifully (yeah, I made some stumbles, but they’ve happened and I have let them go, so we need not Derek on those anymore) – but loneliness, nonetheless.

Whenever I feel lonely, I find myself wanting to turn, if not to people – meaning the people are unavailable – to music… music can express whatever I am feeling, usually, and then music can help me move into a different state of emotions, simply by my selecting the song and allowing myself to embrace it.

This past week, what I have probably wanted more than almost anything else has been someone to play music for me and to sing to me… I once shared online that I want a baritone to serenade me in my life, and a fabulous, incredibly sweet distant friend of mine saw the post, and promptly sent me two videos of him sitting around on a night shift at work, singing… just for me, in his baritone of a voice.

It warmed my heart so dearly, I think I shall remember it always.

Fast-forward to now, and I am approximately eight days into wanting just that in my life… but, under the circumstances, the only person at my disposal has been, well, myself…

And so, I started to play some ukulele (because I really need to change the guitar strings, and I only have strings for the two classical guitars that aren’t here right now [that’s another story for another day])…, but I quickly realized that it just wasn’t the same… my actively playing is not the same as being sung to… but, what if I recorded it?… then I could sit and listen to it afterward… for as long as I wish…

Recalling my wish to share music with others, evaluating that it would be a good way for me to make sure it is worth hearing more than once, and determining that it would be possible, I determined to make a recording to share with all my extended friends online… and all posterity… 😛

As I go to bed this Sunday night, I have listened multiple times to both of my songs that I shared this weekend, and I have loved them dearly… if anyone is able to enjoy them as I have, I am thrilled… and, even if no one has, I still am thrilled – I was confident enough to share them, I wanted to share them, I did share them, and I listened to and enjoyed them thoroughly… just lovely.

Yet another case of my kakizome coming to fruition in my life… self-trust/self-confidence and heart were definitely present in these small yet momentous tasks of the weekend.

Good job, Banana.

Now, bedtime, since you supposedly have to do this whole work thing in only a matter of hours… we’ll see how that all goes… 😛

Post-a-day 2020

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