And here I am today, stressing out to tears about what I do not know about my job status. Was I even there yesterday when I thought all about how the need to know has its roots in the devil himself, and then I wrote all about it, too??
Granted, I slept a total of about three hours last night – woke up at 00:44, and couldn’t ever fall back asleep – so I was ridiculously tired today. I even thought about the whole conversation at one point in my crying misery today, and it helped, but I could tell I was just so tired, I couldn’t fully apply it to my present situation and just let go. I was genuinely sad and terribly tired. Not an easy combo for letting things go and feeling rational.
Fortunately, a coworker let me just be with what I needed to express, and she accepted and understood my sadness and acknowledged that it made sense on all accounts that I was feeling that way… and then she just hung out with me for an hour and a half, and we got to be totally normal people for a short while. And it was just a huge gulp of fresh air that I have been wanting and needing for quite some time. It feels now almost like we played hooky for an hour. But, really, I still went and got loads of work done afterward, anyway, so it was clearly rejuvenating for me.
I think I just need to get some good sleep tonight, and to take good care of myself and my work tomorrow, and then go to bed early tomorrow night. Once I’ve rested well, I can look to see what I actually need and want to do about all of this. Perhaps I will need to have a conversation with an administrator about my position, but there’s a high chance that conversation will be a bit different from the one I mentioned possibly having today. So, we shall see.
For now, goodnight and sweet dreams and blessings be upon you. In God’s name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2023
hannah ananas 