Tag: farts

Bellyache

Well, it seemed a bit easier to eat today than yesterday, and definitely easier than the previous week. I missed lunch, due to the schedule at school and the fact that the one location didn’t have anything I could eat (and not be massively ill), and so couldn’t get to the other location in time before class even to get salad and quinoa. But, since that made me very hungry by the end of the school day, I went ahead and went to one of the Chinese places to get a dish I had kind of been wanting for several days already.

So, I arrived at home with a bunch of food for us both. I kept gluten out of it, and the only grains was a box of steamed rice that we barely even touched. (Genuinely had a single bite with the rest of the food, then a few bites after we got home later from shopping.) I overate, but we went for a digestion walk, so that helped.

However, as we headed out to pick up a few things from the grocery store and to look at a shelving unit at IKEA, we discovered that the food had hit us a bit. Walking through IKEA, my husband kept saying things like, “Don’t follow me,” as he casually walked away from me… to pass gas. And no, it was not even silent gas most of the time. It was a good thing the store was almost empty, because people would have been 1) shocked and 2) on the floor. They were bad. At one point, I was running away from one, and I hid my face so the approaching woman wouldn’t see that I was holding my nose. However, a few seconds later, she was covering her own nose with her jacket as she rushed down the main aisle. ::face palm

But, before all the gas started – yes, I had gas, too, but it was silent and meager compared to what was going on chez my husband – we had gotten some cake and coffee at the cafe, since the thing downstairs was closed and we couldn’t get any soft serve. It was a nice little date that cost us only the price of the cakes, since we’re IKEA Family members.

Oh! And we got our pillow and mat for the back door for a total of a dollar, seven, because I had a $10 discount birthday reward. So, yay to that, too! Double yay!

Anyway, I’m lying in bed now, clearly with gas still in my belly. Hopefully, it can release at least a bit more before I go to sleep, or it will be a tough night for sleep. I’m glad it was easier for me to eat and to stomach food today, but this gas… yikes. Haha

Yes, I’m sure you were delighted to hear all about that part of our evening. 😛 But imagine how surprised someone would have been if I’d allowed my husband to leave one of his noxious gas deposits in one of the drawers that have the “Look inside!” sticker on them… that would have been a terrible experience for the poor soul who opened it to look inside, to be sure. (Totally hilarious, of course, but also very uncool and not appropriate or loving to our fellow humans.)

Post-a-day 2024

Ouch!

He is leaning over. I hear a sort of squeal sound. I open my mouth to tell him to light a match. Farts like this one sounds are always quite terrible in smell.

I pause. The sound is changing. It is different now. Now it has stopped. It starts again…, and becomes different sooner…

I turn to look right st him and whatever he is doing, just as I realize what he had just told me he was about to do: take off his bandage on his ankle. Sure enough, it all clicks into place in my mind. The sounds I was hearing were from him, but not from his behind. They were from his mouth – he was in such pain as he pulled the bandage off slowly that he was actually squealing in his mouth! 😛

Oops… my bad. 😛

Post-a-day 2022

A silly thought

Okay, let’s accept this little fact before we get into this silly thought I had today: Everyone farts.  I think there’s a book on it, even.  I once bought a dinosaur book for my nephew that illustrates the potential sounds that various dinosaur farts might have had, and how their poop might have looked (because everyone poops, too, you know).  A nurse once talked to a group of us about how something like ten farts a day suggests a healthy body and diet for humans.

Makes you want to start keeping track, doesn’t it?  😛

Now that we have that out of the way, the thought I had today.  Have you ever left someone that sad present in an elevator?  (Dreadful idea, I know!)  The poisonous trap, provided especially for you by a stranger.

I was all alone in the elevator today, just going up one floor (the stairs are inaccessible, unfortunately).  I had actually seen only two other people even in the building so far in the day, and no one was around when I got on the elevator.  No one is usually around on the floor where I was getting off the elevator.  Even still, when a bit of gas presented its desire to escape, I hesitated – I guess it’s just that engrained in me not to let it go in an elevator.  Seeing as no one was around, though, I went ahead and let it slide.  (I guess that’s literal, too.)  It was small, I could tell, and so harmless in almost any setting, anyway.

When the doors opened, and I began to walk out of the elevator, releasing the end of my internal chemistry class experiment, I was presented with a man in the hallway… and he walked directly into the elevator!  I think I couldn’t have opened my eyes any wider as I considered the situation while I walked down the hall.  I barely even saw the man, because we were walking in opposite directions, and I had to turn the corner almost immediately.  But he was there, and he went straight into the elevator.

I just left him a present in the elevator, went through my mind.  And I laughed instantly.  Naturally…

My only solace was that it was definitely a small fart and he was only going a maximum of one floor… so, there was a chance that he might not even notice it.

But there was also totally a chance that he would notice it and would know exactly what had happened: a friendly stranger had left him a present in the elevator.  Face in palms… 😛

So, have you ever done it?  This was definitely my first.  I think so, anyway.

Have a great night, folks!

Post-a-day 2018

Family times

Good family is like good friends… so far as I described good friends before, anyway.  I have good family.

When we are together, there can be silence, if so desired, but there is never want for something to discuss.  There are no awkward pauses.  The space is open for discussion of just about anything we’d want.  At the end of an evening together with my family, if someone were to ask what we discussed, my answer likely would be something to the effect of, ‘Uuh… I have no idea… all sorts of anything?’

Yes, my memory is quite functional, and I could sit down and figure out almost every topic discussed and most comments said throughout the evening.  However, that isn’t what someone would be wanting to have happen with such a question.  ‘Oh, we talked politics,’ or ‘The stock market and country clubs, mostly,’ are examples of family conversations I hear regarding the families of acquaintances.  Not my family.  We might have a brief chat on politics, but it is equally likely that we will discuss dog breeds, logical fallacies, and farts.  And it never will be just one, but many topics of discussion, and usually knowledgeable discussions, too.

Whenever I leave time with my good family, I feel very conversationally and informationally satisfied.  It is always a good, loving, and fulfilling social interaction.  Yes, I have good family.  And I am grateful for them all.

Post-a-day 2017