She taught me to envy,
– or, rather, I learned to envy because of her –
and I still remember how to do it.
Seeing her tonight,
talking with her, missing being around her and being close friends with her
from more than a decade ago,
was both wonderfully amazing and delightful
and an intense reminder of how envy feels.
Her life is not for me, I know
– otherwise I would have been born into her life in the first place.
But it certainly has me question what I could be doing differently in my life, better,
if I so longingly envy her hers.
In other words, what is missing in my life, that I still desire, wish for, hers?