Month: April 2017

A Normal Life

People regularly tell me how amazing they think my life is.  Almost every time, I am somewhat incredibly surprised at the statement – to me, my life is normal.  There’s always someone who has been to more places, done more things, been to better places, and done better and greater things than I have.  If anything, I feel as though I am coming up short to the declarations people make about the awesomeness and greatness of my life, my experiences, and my accomplishments.

However, something that always seems to happen when I receive these sorts of comments/compliments, is that I find a need to live up to them.  That is, I feel I need to do more, better, good, to do more exciting things, and to make my life more worth envying.  Recently, as I have noticed this fact, I’ve begun to wonder if it is not a wonderful thing that people make such compliments and comments about my life.  For, in their doing so, my life becomes more amazing.  I certainly want to do all of these things that I end up doing, however something like fear combined with laziness tends to hold me back from seeking them out, until, of course, I have the encouragement of what feels like duty to make these people’s feelings justified.

Though, even still, my life remains the same in terms of how it feels – normal.  Sure, I have done this one really cool thing recently, but the overall is still very average, plain, and normal.  It even makes me wonder if I can ever measure up to what I view as an amazing life worth envying.  No matter what I accomplish, where I go, or what I learn, will things always seem normal to me, and not worth truly being envied by others?  Will my life never really seem awesome and amazing to me?

I don’t know, of course…  It’s just a question I’m throwing out there, thinking on for myself and my life, wondering where it might lead me next.
Post-a-day 2017

Dating Mr. Perfect, or Being Perfect?

Today, I met someone who has lived so far what I consider to be an awesome life – one which I quite envy.  While the specific locations were different than my own desired locations, the situations all beautifully aligned with a growing-up that I at least want for my own children, since I didn’t have it for myself.

In an odd way, I was grateful to find that this person had a girlfriend, and so was unavailable for consideration.  Why is that, exactly? Well, a good chunk is the usual part of just wanting to be friends with an awesome person, without the hassle of dating potential getting in the way at any point, as is usual when meeting awesome guys. (for me, anyway)  However, upon further inquiry, I discovered within myself something surprising.  I wouldn’t want to date him, because he is so awesome.

See, as I was thinking about all of these things he has done and all of the accomplishments he has (and how there are likely plenty more of which I have currently heard nothing), I noticed that, if he were available, I wouldn’t actually want to date him.  With all of his awesome background and talents and such, I would feel so below him in a daring situation, so to speak.  As friends, I’m okay with his awesomeness.  But not in dating.

What’s with that, huh?

I have begun to see that, perhaps – just perhaps – I not only do not want to date someone superior to me, but I want to date someone to whom I feel superior.  If I were to date someone who had done all the awesome things I have done in my life, it would take away a huge portion of my pride from my uniqueness of experiences and talents.  Does that mean, then, that I am actually looking for someone to whom I look down, despite my conviction that I want to be able to respect my partner in a somewhat-looking-up-to sort of way?

This then leads me to a question of whether this 1) is something I actually want for my future partner, and 2) is playing a role in my having been unable to find someone.

I feel almost as if a whole section of my perspective and being has just been shattered, and sh**’s about to get real, you know?  It is time for some true and genuine reflection on an area of myself I never even understood to exist.  Yockers, this’ll be interesting, for sure!
Post-a-day 2017

Springtime is here… ish

Okay, I accept it: Springtime is here.  It has been a cold winter, and in so many ways, and I am incredibly grateful that the Spring has, at long last, established its footing in the weather here.  It gave hints of arriving a few weeks back, but then winter took a huge snap back, and overpowered any sense of warming in the weather.  Finally, today, I didn’t even need my jacket in the gymnasium for an assembly (Remember the part where the gym has been the coldest place I’ve ever known this winter, because it has no heating of any kind, and almost no sunlight enters it.).

The wind outdoors, when blowing, could get quite cool, but that was mostly just from the sheer force of it, as opposed to the air temperature.  When the wind was calm as we were watching soccer practice, it actually got a bit hot at times.  However, I did not have my jacket, and I was able to manage quite decently for most of the day (Again, the wind began to attack again in late afternoon, as a storm in striding in for the weekend, it seems.).

One drastic difference with today, though, – for there have been other days just this week where the sun and air were warm enough not to wear a jacket for a while – was that the air temperature was actually higher than it has been (almost into the 20s!).  This means, of course, that, as it is early April and all in Japan, the Sakura trees opened up their blooms today.  Yesterday, I examined all sorts of areas, making notes of where might be good to check again on Friday, possibly even later this weekend, judging by the recent rate of things.  And then, suddenly, kaboom!  The trees are filled with white blooms by lunchtime today, with hints of pink all around.  

It even looked like little bits of paper trash were all over the ground throughout town, because the flower petals were already falling and flying around everywhere.

So I went biking and walking to see them all, and found myself arriving home just after dark, incredibly exhausted, somewhat chilled, and with eyes burning from all the riding through incredibly strong winds, with sand and dirt flying everywhere.  While I enjoyed the beautiful sights, I am ready to pass out now, and sleep through work tomorrow, and our sakura-viewing picnic (hanami) on Saturday in Tokyo – I am that exhausted.

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Nonetheless, I waited about 15 years to see all of these guys, and I am delightfully satisfied with what I have seen so far.  🙂

 

Post-a-day 2017

 

Mirror, Mirror

At a couple friends’ apartment a few years back, I noticed their full-length mirror that was situated as the last look before leaving the apartment. Written in paint pen on the glass, somewhat as a border-like decoration, was the phrase, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.”

I so loved this idea that, from the onward, whoever I have a full-length mirror, I decoratively write the phrase myself.  I have even taken to writing other notes on other mirrors, as well.  “Hello, Beautiful,” is prettily displayed on the head-sized mirror that is the last look I have before leaving my current apartment.  In my last apartment, I have words of love decorating the upper bits of my bathroom mirror (mostly “Sat Naam”).  And, I suspect, my next apartment will have some sort of beautiful message awaiting my eyes and mind on yet another mirror.  It really just feels amazing.  It is better than someone else just saying it, because the message, though from an outside source, is innerly read and therefore said by me – so, while an outside source is wishing me well and love and is admiring my beauty, the same intentions are coming from within myself, and, what’s more, I therefore know that they are genuine, thereby making them even more powerful than when only said by another.

Kind of cool, huh?  ðŸ™‚

Post-a-day 2017

But then again…

These next three weeks will be huge in determining my satisfaction and fulfillment with my job for my remaining time here in Japan, however, based on how things look with the new setups and the new teachers at each of my schools, I have a feeling things will continue to improve for me at work.  That being said, it is therefore almost safe to say that I have entered that happy phase that always seems to accompany a rough situation.

Just as Jane Austen expresses in Pride and Prejudice, as Jane and Elizabeth are ending their stay at Netherfield, how everyone was so delighted at their departure, that their civilities returned so much so that Miss Bingley was actually pleasant toward Elizabeth, and even shook hands with her – I feel that bothersome situations allow us to experience a sense of gratitude and delight in them when, at long last, they are finally coming to a close.  It is as though we are finally able to appreciate the situation, once we know that we are almost through with it.  I do not mean simply that we are excited for whatever it is to be over.  Not at all.  I mean that, because whatever it is is about to be over, it is as though we see it for the first time through new eyes, and we see all the positives of the situation, so much so at times that we start to wish that it wouldn’t end.

In most any job I have held and found bothersome to some degree or another, all of the annoying bits seemed to be suddenly tolerable in my final chunk of time at the job.  Once I knew that the end was near, that all of this would be gone and finished soon, it was somehow okay that people did things that pissed me off or totally didn’t work… I even would have thoughts of my departure not being a good idea anymore – that perhaps it was worth it after all to stay in the job.  Fortunately, my senses and logic took care of me, and held me to my original intention to depart each time.

Now, I am not quite at that point, as I am aware of this situation and its regular occurrences in my life.  However, I certainly notice this change of mentality for myself.  Yes, I still find an absurd amount of things that I dislike about living here, but they are losing their hold on me.  As I notice that I have so little time remaining, I am suddenly excited by all the things to do before time runs out, and I even have desires to look for another job, so that I could remain living here.  I even found myself fascinating the other day about finding a job in a year or few, and moving back to Japan.  I know that another situation like my current one would be dreadful for me, but I have thought through many of the details, and found ways that I could enjoy living and working in Japan from the start.  The question that continues to rise, then, is whether I actually want to pursue such an idea.  Though my brain does what it will, I think I will leave it ’til December, when I have had a good amount of time back in my own culture and language, and the initial adjustment period is over, before I make any choices regarding returning to work in Japan.

For now, I will continue in my pursuit of awesome Japanese things to do and see.  I notice for  myself how much I want a break, but that I am not ready altogether to leave yet.  I would love to have a couple or few weeks back home in the US this month or next, and then to come back to Japan for my final few months.  For I long for the comforts of home, but I am not ready to give up Japan entirely – to pack up and ship out, with no intended return.  But, this is what I have, so I’ll do my best to enjoy everything here, and to appreciate this part of the world now.  And, in less than four months, I’ll be finished with my job, and will be able to do those final travel bits around Japan, before saying what I expect to be a heartfelt, resistant, yet grateful goodbye to the place.

 

As an almost tangent: I wonder if this is part of a mental health care action from within the body, in order to allow us to appreciate our past experiences, and therefore remain feeling useful and successful in our endeavors and whatnot.  Something like that, anyway.  Hmm… whatever.

 

Post-a-day 2017

Kanamara Matsuri

**Beware: There is a good amount of reference to genitalia in this one.**

Today, with a Canadian and a Japanese friend, I went to the Kanamara Matsuri.  It is a festival to celebrate fertility, only found at the Kanayama Shrine, in the area just south of Tokyo in Japan.  From what I understand, the story/legend goes to a young, beautiful woman whom a demon fancied.  She denied the demon, and so, he decided to hide inside her vagina, in order to prevent her from having any man.  On her wedding night, the demon bit off the penis of her now-husband, preventing them from consummating their marriage.  On her second attempt at marriage and consummation, the same event occurred.  So, for her third marriage, the woman worked with a blacksmith to fashion a metal penis.  Upon insertion, the demon bit the metal phallus, broke all of his teeth, and left the woman.  Said phallus is now enshrined at the Kanayama Shrine.  People go to this shrine to pray for fertility, protection from STDs and the likes, family, safe pregnancy and delivery, and blacksmiths.

 

So, every year, on the first Sunday of April, right at the usual time for the Cherry Blossom Season (though it is a bit early for the blossoms this year), the Kanamara Matsuri (Kanamara Festival) takes place at the Kanayama Shrine in Kanagawa, Japan.

 

Originally, when it started back in 1969, it was Japanese people.  However, after a foreigner university professor attended the festival, that professor shared about the festival enough to bring it greater attention – so much so, that the festival is mostly foreigners now.  It actually felt like a sort of adventure outside of Japan for a day – Japanese scenery, customs, and decorations, but very little spoken Japanese, and very few Japanese people.

 

The festival is very popular for the trans-gender, homosexual, etc. community, and so many of the attendees today were visually part of that community.  Kimonos were offered to borrow free of charge to visitors to the festival, and so my Japanese friend and I went and allowed the ladies at the kimono place to dress us up.  When I asked for a men’s kimono, the lady gave a slight chuckle, and then rushed back to the fabrics and picked out one for me, clearly comfortable with the request.  It was the same with my Japanese friend and her dresser, so this clearly was not simply because I’m a gaijin (foreigner) and am, therefore, weird – I imagine it is because of the Kanamara Matsuri that the ladies were so comfortable with the requests.  I noticed several Japanese men wearing women’s kimonos, and everyone was fine with it.  And so, we got to be dressed as Okappiki, old-timey Japanese police men.  It was great.

 

For the parade, the gods from the shrine, as usual, are summoned to the mikoshi, the portable altars, so to speak, in a little ceremony with bells and music and other traditional details, just before the parade begins.  Usually the mikoshi are not phalli, but this festival is all about the metal phallus made by that blacksmith way back when, so… there are three large penises that are carried around the neighborhood.  The first is a smallish wooden one, with the metal phallus on the front of it.  The second is a large black one, possibly made of stone (I couldn’t quite tell).  And the third is a huge, Pepto-Bismol pink one, carried each year by men in drag.  The three altars seem like floats in US parades, but, instead of being on top of cars to have them move, they are carried by groups of people, typically men, though also women.  So, as the parade moves along, you have a chant of “Ka-na-ma-ra!” going, while three incredibly different and large floating penises bounce along the crowded streets.

 

 

One of the hits of the festival is the penis pops.  While there are chocolate-covered bananas, img_4903

and meat-wrapped sticks of rice,

carved wooden penis whistles (which actually had a rather high, unappealing pitch),

and t-shirts galore with cartoon penises and the name Dankon, a term for penis (literally “man-root”),

the reason people will stand hours in line is for the one-day-only penis lollipops.  

There were even some vagina ones, too, but the main thing was the penis pops.  I had read up on the festival a bit ahead of time, and so I knew to arrive at 9am, and to go straight for the lollipops.

A really fun bit for me was actually the penis candles and the daikon carving.  Just after saying our prayers at the shrine, we found the daikon radishes, but the carving was finished.  However, the old ladies who seemed to be in charge of it were quick to hand us already-carved daikon and ask for our cameras.  They even helped us with the correct way to pose with the daikon penises (I was a bit unsure initially, but they made it quite clear what was “the way” to do it.).  

The candles were quick and simple – a table covered in small and large penis-shaped candles in various colors.  I wanted a pretty purple one for myself, but the guy next to me snatched up all the purple ones for some reason – guess he just really wanted them.  So, I found myself happy with a blue-ish purple one instead, which seemed to be the only one of its specific hue.  (Naturally, I loved that.)

 

Now, I really expected this festival to be completely against the Japanese style of things, however it was really beautiful seeing how many Japanese people were there, not only participating in it for themselves, but embracing it as part of humanity’s culture.  Though it is essentially a fundraiser for HIV research, and thereby a grounds for self-expression in the LGBTetc. community, there were many people, families even, who seemed to be 100% heterosexual, white rice, Japanese folks.  And yes, there were plenty of families, which includes small children.  One of the best moments was coming across a group of four little girls all sitting on a curb, casually and delightedly enjoying their penis pops, while their parents stood nearby.  And the parents were completely okay with people photographing their kids, a concept often somewhat foreign to Japanese people.  Today was just filled with openness and acceptance and joy on the part of everyone, and it was fabulous.

 

When we were heading out from the festivities, we discovered even more food stalls and other standard matsuri stalls in an area with another shrine and temple.  We said some more prayers, tossed some more coins, and poured water over a statue in thanks for the blessing of blooming flowers each Spring.  On a final walk down a way-cool traditional street of shops, we found loads more penis pops (along with standard regional treats), gifts, and tokens.  

There were even life-ish-sized crystal quartz, rose quartz, and aventurine statues of penises, which were about $120 a piece.  

I got myself a small crystal quartz necklace, and it is quite beautiful, actually.

 

As a final fun note, while we were initially heading down that last street, a group of Japanese who were around our ages, were walking right near us (with no one else nearby), and so I found myself laughing as a few of them were goofing off, dancing to no music while one of them recorded the fun nonsense.  When one of the guys stopped and posed with some statues, all three of us laughed.  No one, however, had had a camera out, and the guy hadn’t expected a photo to be taken.  But, when one of the girls joked with him about taking a photo, he asked if he should go back.  His friends were a bit hesitant to answer, but my friend was quick to tell him to go back really quickly, because she wanted a photo, even if they didn’t.  When he squat back down with the dogs(?), holding his pink lollipop, he told me to get in the photo with him.  He tried sharing his lollipop with me, but one of the girls decided it was better for the photo if we each had our own, and so she lent me hers.  And so, a random guy and I posed on the ground with dog statues and colored penis lollipops.  EditNormal day in the neighborhood, right?  😛

Anyway, that’s about all I have to say about that right now….  Go check it out for yourself, if you’re ever in Japan in early April!  It’s one-of-a-kind, and it’s delightfully wonderful!  🙂

Happy Fertility Festival, folks!

Post-a-day 2017

A taste of my own medicine

At a beach in Okinawa one Sunday morning, I noticed a solo western culture guy arrive with a look of curiosity and interest in the various groups of people already at the beach.

A short while later, as I was playing down at the water’s edge with some of the guys (that is, some of the friends with whom I was at the beach), I noticed the same solo guy attempting to be casual quite near to us, though, in my eyes, totally trying to make contact with us somehow.

“You can talk to us,” I said, smiling.

“Huh?”

I repeated, we chuckled, and I asked his name.  I gave him my own first name, and brought him to the guys, sharing with them the fact that he, too, was Canadian (which I am not, but most of the guys are).

At the end of the beach hangout, I mostly was the only one who talked much with this guy, but I knew he was vacationing solo for a month+, and it was clear that the communication and interaction were appreciated on his end.  So, I learned a little bit about his educational background and aspirations, and told him how we were all in the JET Programme in the same prefecture as one another, and that I lived near Tokyo.  Beyond that, I told him almost nothing of myself.  Some impressions of living and working in Japan, yes, but no facts or figures about me and my life.

When we said our goodbyes, I wished him well on his travels and for his future.  We exchanged no contact information.

A few hours later, when I diddled with my Facebook, I saw that I had a friend request from him.

Wowzer.

Kind of freaky, right?  I checked with my group, and none of them had talked to him when I hadn’t been present, and none of them was friends with him on Facebook.

I was amazed at the feat.  Though, I suppose I could have been weirded out, it was only flattering to me, really.  How many times have I gone through what has sometimes been hours of researching, just to find someone (usually a guy) online?  People regularly tell me that I am a fabulous stalker (and that I fortunately use it for good, rather than evil), I am so good at it.  I meet a guy in a bar, having learned only his first name, and I can find him online, supposing he has some kind of Internet presence.  But that is also part of why I am so careful about what I share about myself with people I don’t know – so they don’t easily find me online , if I don’t want them to find me.

However, my skills of stalking and research led me quite quickly to a way this guy could have found me.  I won’t give away all my secrets, but it has to do with photos allowing you to tag locations on various social networks – I think he found me because of the photo I took at the beach, and then put online.  Clever, clever boy.  Or perhaps he was just lucky.  I still haven’t asked.  ðŸ˜›

But, I must say, it was, albeit a bit weird and freaky, quite exciting having a taste of my own medicine used on me – the stalker is stalked!  Sort of, anyway.  ðŸ˜›
Post-a-day 2017