Hipster Imposter

We went to a donation-based fundraiser yoga class the other day, which was focused on raising funds for a certain local pet shelter, while giving practice to some newer yoga teachers.

The class took place in a brewery.

I did not always understand what the teacher wanted me to do, and the people around me weren’t always too helpful with what they were doing, so I was behind at times, and I did some guesswork at times.

I generally feel that yoga teachers keep students in downward dog for far too long – like, I’m about to pass out by the time they start to mention maybe moving out of the position… and this is just about every time.

This brewery yoga class was no different, and even a bit worse at times on the downward dog front, so I regularly switched into child’s pose or baby pose, and then returned to downward dog whenever the teacher began whatever was next.

I also breathe so much more slowly than teachers seem to believe long, deep breathing takes… approximately three to five times slower.

I did a decent job of everything, especially considering how I didn’t know what was going on throughout half the explanation time, because I didn’t know the names of postures, and the teachers kind of took a while to clarify what I was supposed to be doing.

The class was enjoyable, nonetheless.

There were discounted draft beers afterward.

I, of course, drank my water, but we hung out for a bit so my friend could mingle with her friends, and I could be distantly social,… kind of like being social by association.

At one point, a yoga teacher came up and talked with us.

“I really like your practice,” she said directly to me.


I graciously accepted the comment and, I imagine, compliment, and aimed not to laugh or be ungracious or ungrateful.

Since then, I haven’t really stopped wondering what on Earth she could have meant – I mean, did she like how I basically did my own thing every time we went into downward dog?

Because that’s kind of the only thing I did differently that could potentially be a positive….???


I have no idea, but the comment was positively hipster, and it alone made me want to burst out laughing.

Yes, I know that I am all sorts of hipster with all sorts of things in my life… I’m just not that level of hipster, you know?

But, who knows?

I did just complete my yoga certification exam today, so, I’m well on my way to achieving yet another level of hipster in the very new future… oh, and didn’t I buy a bright red scooter just the other day?

So, I guess I’m not exactly an imposter…

Like I said, I’m hipster, but I’m not beyond finding the hilarity of hipsterhood, and laughing heartily at it all. ūüėõ

Post-a-day 2019

Kanamara Matsuri

**Beware: There is a good amount of reference to genitalia in this one.**

Today, with a Canadian and a Japanese friend, I went to the Kanamara Matsuri.  It is a festival to celebrate fertility, only found at the Kanayama Shrine, in the area just south of Tokyo in Japan.  From what I understand, the story/legend goes to a young, beautiful woman whom a demon fancied.  She denied the demon, and so, he decided to hide inside her vagina, in order to prevent her from having any man.  On her wedding night, the demon bit off the penis of her now-husband, preventing them from consummating their marriage.  On her second attempt at marriage and consummation, the same event occurred.  So, for her third marriage, the woman worked with a blacksmith to fashion a metal penis.  Upon insertion, the demon bit the metal phallus, broke all of his teeth, and left the woman.  Said phallus is now enshrined at the Kanayama Shrine.  People go to this shrine to pray for fertility, protection from STDs and the likes, family, safe pregnancy and delivery, and blacksmiths.


So, every year, on the first Sunday of April, right at the usual time for the Cherry Blossom Season (though it is a bit early for the blossoms this year), the Kanamara Matsuri (Kanamara Festival) takes place at the Kanayama Shrine in Kanagawa, Japan.


Originally, when it started back in 1969, it was Japanese people.  However, after a foreigner university professor attended the festival, that professor shared about the festival enough to bring it greater attention Рso much so, that the festival is mostly foreigners now.  It actually felt like a sort of adventure outside of Japan for a day РJapanese scenery, customs, and decorations, but very little spoken Japanese, and very few Japanese people.


The festival is very popular¬†for the trans-gender, homosexual, etc. community, and so many of the attendees today were visually part of that community. ¬†Kimonos were offered to borrow free of charge to visitors to the festival, and so my Japanese friend and I went and allowed the ladies at the kimono place to dress us up. ¬†When I asked for a men’s kimono, the lady gave a slight chuckle, and then rushed back to the fabrics and picked out one for me, clearly comfortable with the request. ¬†It was the same with my Japanese friend and her dresser, so this clearly was not simply because I’m a¬†gaijin (foreigner) and am, therefore, weird – I imagine it is because of the¬†Kanamara Matsuri that the ladies were so comfortable with the requests. ¬†I noticed several Japanese men wearing women’s kimonos, and everyone was fine with it. ¬†And so, we got to be dressed as Okappiki,¬†old-timey Japanese police men. ¬†It was great.


For the parade, the gods from the shrine, as usual, are summoned to the¬†mikoshi, the portable altars, so to speak, in a little ceremony with bells and music and other traditional details, just before the parade begins. ¬†Usually the¬†mikoshi are not phalli, but this festival is all about the metal phallus made by that blacksmith way back when, so… there are three large penises that are carried around the neighborhood. ¬†The first is a smallish wooden one, with the metal phallus on the front of it. ¬†The second is a large black one, possibly made of stone (I couldn’t quite tell). ¬†And the third is a huge, Pepto-Bismol pink one, carried each year by men¬†in drag. ¬†The three altars seem like floats in US parades, but, instead of being on top of cars to have them move, they are carried by groups of people, typically men, though also women. ¬†So, as the parade moves along, you have a chant of “Ka-na-ma-ra!” going, while three incredibly different and large floating penises bounce along the crowded streets.



One of the hits of the festival is the penis pops.  While there are chocolate-covered bananas, img_4903

and meat-wrapped sticks of rice,

carved wooden penis whistles (which actually had a rather high, unappealing pitch),

and t-shirts galore with cartoon penises and the name¬†Dankon, a term for penis (literally “man-root”),

the reason people will stand hours in line is for the one-day-only penis lollipops.  

There were even some vagina ones, too, but the main thing was the penis pops.  I had read up on the festival a bit ahead of time, and so I knew to arrive at 9am, and to go straight for the lollipops.

A really fun bit for me was actually the penis candles and the daikon carving. ¬†Just after saying our prayers at the shrine, we found the daikon radishes, but the carving was finished. ¬†However, the old ladies who seemed to be in charge of it were quick to hand us already-carved daikon and ask for our cameras. ¬†They even helped us with the correct way to pose with the daikon penises (I was a bit unsure initially, but they made it quite clear what was “the way” to do it.). ¬†

The candles were quick and simple Рa table covered in small and large penis-shaped candles in various colors.  I wanted a pretty purple one for myself, but the guy next to me snatched up all the purple ones for some reason Рguess he just really wanted them.  So, I found myself happy with a blue-ish purple one instead, which seemed to be the only one of its specific hue.  (Naturally, I loved that.)


Now, I really expected this festival to be completely against the Japanese style of things, however it was really beautiful seeing how many Japanese people were there, not only participating in it for themselves, but embracing it as part of humanity’s culture. ¬†Though it is essentially a fundraiser for HIV research, and thereby a grounds for self-expression in the LGBTetc. community, there were many people, families even, who seemed to be 100% heterosexual, white rice, Japanese folks. ¬†And yes, there were plenty of families, which includes small children. ¬†One of the best moments was coming across a group of four little girls all sitting on a curb, casually and delightedly enjoying their penis pops, while their parents stood nearby. ¬†And the parents were completely okay with people photographing their kids, a concept often somewhat foreign to Japanese people. ¬†Today was just filled with openness and acceptance and joy on the part of everyone, and it was fabulous.


When we were heading out from the festivities, we discovered even more food stalls and other standard matsuri stalls in an area with another shrine and temple.  We said some more prayers, tossed some more coins, and poured water over a statue in thanks for the blessing of blooming flowers each Spring.  On a final walk down a way-cool traditional street of shops, we found loads more penis pops (along with standard regional treats), gifts, and tokens.  

There were even life-ish-sized crystal quartz, rose quartz, and aventurine statues of penises, which were about $120 a piece.  

I got myself a small crystal quartz necklace, and it is quite beautiful, actually.


As a final fun note, while we were initially heading down that last street, a group of Japanese who were around our ages, were walking right near us (with no one else nearby), and so I found myself laughing as a few of them were goofing off, dancing to no music while one of them recorded the fun nonsense. ¬†When one of the guys stopped and posed with some statues, all three of us laughed. ¬†No one, however, had had a camera out, and the guy hadn’t expected a photo to be taken. ¬†But, when one of the girls joked with him about taking a photo, he asked if he should go back. ¬†His friends were a bit hesitant to answer, but my friend was quick to tell him to go back really quickly, because¬†she wanted a photo, even if¬†they didn’t. ¬†When he squat back down with the dogs(?), holding his pink lollipop, he told me to get in the photo with him. ¬†He tried sharing his lollipop with me, but one of the girls decided it was better for the photo if we each had our own, and so she lent me hers. ¬†And so, a random guy and I posed on the ground with dog¬†statues and colored penis lollipops. ¬†EditNormal day in the neighborhood, right? ¬†ūüėõ

Anyway, that’s about all I have to say about that right now…. ¬†Go check it out for yourself, if you’re ever in Japan in early April! ¬†It’s one-of-a-kind, and it’s delightfully wonderful! ¬†ūüôā

Happy Fertility Festival, folks!

Post-a-day 2017