Man, has today been a lot, emotionally.
No reply for an even longer while from that guy. But I’m okay about it.
I waited to go to the gym later today, and it ended up closing for the week (because of risk of COVID exposure). I actually cried in intense frustration and floundering at that news.
The store I drove almost half an hour to visit didn’t have all the supplies I was there to get. I stressed briefly, and then figured out how to make do for now, before rushing out the door to make that workout class that ended up being canceled by the time I got to it.
The class was canceled, and I hadn’t known it, so I’d made a point to rush away from potential other, better solutions to the missing items dilemma at the store beforehand. I determined to go home and do the workout.
I went home and did the workout. It was awesome, in such an I am struggling to breathe and stay upright right now kind of way, it was quite comparable to workouts at the actual gym. So, that felt really good on my mind.
The protein powder that is super good for me turned out to be almost overwhelmingly gross. Determined that I might just need to hold off on getting a big bag of that for now. And I’m okay about that, but bummed a bit.
Some clothes I had ordered came in. I was delighted.
I reached out to two different people who were on my mind, just to check in, and their responses were awesome.
Discovered that the person who had been working really hard to secure a more permanent part-time position at my part-time job was 90% likely denied that. This was the last time I will work with (and potentially see) that person, and the person seemed very down (this my belief that the aim failed). I was down about it for the person.
One of those people to whom I had reached out actually walked right up to me without even realizing it until we were face-to-face. Neither of us had expected we would see the other where we were, especially since we hadn’t seen one another since last March. The person said, “Things don’t happen on accident.” I agreed. I was super excited; overjoyed, even, at the timing of it all!
Found out later on that a different person who had been working with us as a temporary part-time worker was not only offered the opportunity to stay with us, but was offered to work full-time – that means insurance and benefits, plus other perquisites, mind you. I never felt like this person was one of our best workers. I felt very weird about it all.
And then I felt super jealous that that person had been offered to work full-time, but that I hadn’t been.
And then I was utterly annoyed, because I didn’t even want to work full-time there in the first place, and I had communicated that from the start. Yet, here I was, being jealous all the same.
By the time I finished my grocery shopping at Costco and had picked up a dry foods delivery from an Amazon locker, I was ready to cry with all the craziness today carried for me emotionally.
I mentioned it to my mom, and she reminded me that 1) a lot is going on in the world right now, especially energetically, and that 2) I can let other people have their emotions without taking them on for myself.
So, now I’m preparing for bed. I am very, very drained. So much up and down in one day – and high amplitudes at that – really seems to take it out of me. I guess I could use some more meditation throughout my days…
I think I will sleep very well tonight. I still am uncertain about the gym, but I will focus on where I am now, and not on next week and next month and all of their uncertainty, or on today or last week or last year and all of their emotions. I have a plan to guide me once I get up tomorrow, based on my goals and intentions in life right now, and I can trust that my tomorrow self will manage all of that. For now, I just am being with me, here and now, preparing for bed and rest.
Therefore, I bid you a lovely and restful night. 😉
^I totally almost missed it…