a day’s checklist?

You know the days when, at home in the evening, you feel like you have nothing left to do?  Tonight feels like that to me.  I’m sitting on the floor in my living room, wondering what else to do.  Certainly, I have at least ten legitimate things I could do right now, – work on my rainstick or flute or swords, paint the painting I’ve had in mind for the past few days, clean something, wash some clothes, dye some more eggs, listen to my audiobook, read my current daytime book, etc. – however, I don’t feel a need to do any of them.  My experience is similar to that of cleaning days as a child.  We would get a list of things to clean and/or organize around the house, and cross off each one as we completed it, leaving us satisfying exhausted at the end of all the cleaning – our list was all marked off, and we had truly accomplished a good handful of beneficial tasks.  We could settle down on the sofa with something to eat and drink, and pass out at will.  Today, for whatever reason, has felt like one of those days.  And I didn’t even clean anything.

But I still have that sense of accomplishment and completion, combined with a happy exhaustion.  I keep glancing around, checking if there’s something wanting me to do it.  And I keep coming up with nothing – I did everything for today, is the thought I keep having and distrusting.  But I think who I was today is what allowed me to have such a sense of success and task-completion for the day.  I wore the clothes, and did the activities, I talked with people, I tried things, I wandered, and, above all, I feared, yet still did it all.  I experienced fear so much today, it was ridiculous, but the best part about it is that I accepted the fear almost every time, and just went onward anyway – I went for what mattered to me, even in the face of fear.  And so, naturally, I am incredibly exhausted, but also incredibly satisfied and content.  I have done my duty for today, and now I can rest.  When I wake, it will be a new day.  Happy Easter, Folks.

Peace

Hannah

 

Post-a-day 2017

 

Good Books

A good book is one that makes you want to stay up as late as possible reading it, even when you know that you get to spend all the next day reading it, anyway.  So, logically, you’d go to bed, so you can wake up earlier and read…, but the book is so good, that you just don’t want to stop.  Yeah, I’m reading a series of those right now, and I have to force myself to do other things in life, instead of just sitting around, reading constantly.  This is a good feeling… a very good feeling.  😛
Post-a-day 2017

What I want to do with a good chunk of my daily time

I really just want to write books.  Period.  I don’t know how to start, and I don’t know what topic to use for the book, or even in what style to write the book (well, books, really).  And I realize that needn’t matter.  I’m still not writing a book, though.  Let alone books.

So, what’s up with that?  

Can we handle that?  Like… Now?

Please, and thank you, my dearest self.  And, for now, goodnight.  Sleep tight.  Sweet dreams.  See you when you wake up.
Post-a-day 2017

Japanese Verlan

Tonight, I learned that Japanese has its own version of French’s verlan.  For those unaware, verlan is, for the most part, splitting a word in half, and then putting the second half first.  So, the word l’envers, splits to l’en and vers.  Keeping in mind the pronunciation of each part, you switch them to vers+len, and then alter spelling to keep the same sounds, giving you ver+lan, verlan.  Thus you have the word for backwards, l’envers, in verlan.  As I mentioned, I learned tonight that Japanese has its own version of this same concept.

The sentence I was given was the following:

I ate sushi with a woman in Roppongi.

Onna to roppongi de sushi wo tabetta.

That is the original, normal version. The slang version was then as follows:

Naon to ginroppon de shiisuu tabetta.

ナオンとギロッポンでシースー食った

The funny thing to me about this slang, is the users of it.  The friend who was informing me of this slang mentioned later that “[h]igh school students don’t say that.  Elder people may understand. Remember this.”  And so I have learned the slang of the current 30+-year-olds in Japan.  We think, anyway.  He told me to test it out, so I could see who understood it.  We’ll see how well that goes over – I had a fancy Japanese word to use at the hanami (Sakura-viewing picnic) this past weekend, and everyone just assumed a mishearing or misunderstanding had taken place on their side, because why would a foreigner know such a fancy word, hmm????  😛  But I think this one has better potential for fun.  🙂
Post-a-day 2017

Feelings of accomplishment

This week has been quite busy for me, and I have found myself working on various artsy projects, producing some very neat results (e.g. I’ve made one and a half pair of legwarmers in the past day and a half.  And I’ve already worn the one pair today.).  However, I have had a strong experience of being unaccomplished at the end of each day.

I sit at work, wondering what I can do with this desire, this need to do something… Anything, it feels like.  I just need to do something productive.  Or so it feels.  However, as I have gone to bed late each night, after working on these various art projects, I have still felt rather unaccomplished.  This has happened to me before, so I started wondering what I’ve done in the past to handle such uneasiness of mind.  As I’ve thought about it this evening, in the middle of working on my legwarmers and rain stick, I’ve begun to realize that the sense of accomplishment desired is not the one connected to producing physical results – it is more of the emotional sort.  That is, I long to be accomplished emotionally.

When I take into account the fact that I have had very little communication with others at work this past week, it only makes all too much sense.  I’m around people all day, but I do not interact with them much with words, which leaves me emotionally lonely, and emotionally unaccomplished.  And so, what do I do tonight?  I speak these words aloud to my phone, instead of typing them, so as to experience a sense of telling a story to another, as though I were speaking to you right now, instead of merely writing, and your reading it at another time.

I suppose this is one thing I shall not miss come August.
Post-a-day 2017

A Normal Life

People regularly tell me how amazing they think my life is.  Almost every time, I am somewhat incredibly surprised at the statement – to me, my life is normal.  There’s always someone who has been to more places, done more things, been to better places, and done better and greater things than I have.  If anything, I feel as though I am coming up short to the declarations people make about the awesomeness and greatness of my life, my experiences, and my accomplishments.

However, something that always seems to happen when I receive these sorts of comments/compliments, is that I find a need to live up to them.  That is, I feel I need to do more, better, good, to do more exciting things, and to make my life more worth envying.  Recently, as I have noticed this fact, I’ve begun to wonder if it is not a wonderful thing that people make such compliments and comments about my life.  For, in their doing so, my life becomes more amazing.  I certainly want to do all of these things that I end up doing, however something like fear combined with laziness tends to hold me back from seeking them out, until, of course, I have the encouragement of what feels like duty to make these people’s feelings justified.

Though, even still, my life remains the same in terms of how it feels – normal.  Sure, I have done this one really cool thing recently, but the overall is still very average, plain, and normal.  It even makes me wonder if I can ever measure up to what I view as an amazing life worth envying.  No matter what I accomplish, where I go, or what I learn, will things always seem normal to me, and not worth truly being envied by others?  Will my life never really seem awesome and amazing to me?

I don’t know, of course…  It’s just a question I’m throwing out there, thinking on for myself and my life, wondering where it might lead me next.
Post-a-day 2017

Dating Mr. Perfect, or Being Perfect?

Today, I met someone who has lived so far what I consider to be an awesome life – one which I quite envy.  While the specific locations were different than my own desired locations, the situations all beautifully aligned with a growing-up that I at least want for my own children, since I didn’t have it for myself.

In an odd way, I was grateful to find that this person had a girlfriend, and so was unavailable for consideration.  Why is that, exactly? Well, a good chunk is the usual part of just wanting to be friends with an awesome person, without the hassle of dating potential getting in the way at any point, as is usual when meeting awesome guys. (for me, anyway)  However, upon further inquiry, I discovered within myself something surprising.  I wouldn’t want to date him, because he is so awesome.

See, as I was thinking about all of these things he has done and all of the accomplishments he has (and how there are likely plenty more of which I have currently heard nothing), I noticed that, if he were available, I wouldn’t actually want to date him.  With all of his awesome background and talents and such, I would feel so below him in a daring situation, so to speak.  As friends, I’m okay with his awesomeness.  But not in dating.

What’s with that, huh?

I have begun to see that, perhaps – just perhaps – I not only do not want to date someone superior to me, but I want to date someone to whom I feel superior.  If I were to date someone who had done all the awesome things I have done in my life, it would take away a huge portion of my pride from my uniqueness of experiences and talents.  Does that mean, then, that I am actually looking for someone to whom I look down, despite my conviction that I want to be able to respect my partner in a somewhat-looking-up-to sort of way?

This then leads me to a question of whether this 1) is something I actually want for my future partner, and 2) is playing a role in my having been unable to find someone.

I feel almost as if a whole section of my perspective and being has just been shattered, and sh**’s about to get real, you know?  It is time for some true and genuine reflection on an area of myself I never even understood to exist.  Yockers, this’ll be interesting, for sure!
Post-a-day 2017

Springtime is here… ish

Okay, I accept it: Springtime is here.  It has been a cold winter, and in so many ways, and I am incredibly grateful that the Spring has, at long last, established its footing in the weather here.  It gave hints of arriving a few weeks back, but then winter took a huge snap back, and overpowered any sense of warming in the weather.  Finally, today, I didn’t even need my jacket in the gymnasium for an assembly (Remember the part where the gym has been the coldest place I’ve ever known this winter, because it has no heating of any kind, and almost no sunlight enters it.).

The wind outdoors, when blowing, could get quite cool, but that was mostly just from the sheer force of it, as opposed to the air temperature.  When the wind was calm as we were watching soccer practice, it actually got a bit hot at times.  However, I did not have my jacket, and I was able to manage quite decently for most of the day (Again, the wind began to attack again in late afternoon, as a storm in striding in for the weekend, it seems.).

One drastic difference with today, though, – for there have been other days just this week where the sun and air were warm enough not to wear a jacket for a while – was that the air temperature was actually higher than it has been (almost into the 20s!).  This means, of course, that, as it is early April and all in Japan, the Sakura trees opened up their blooms today.  Yesterday, I examined all sorts of areas, making notes of where might be good to check again on Friday, possibly even later this weekend, judging by the recent rate of things.  And then, suddenly, kaboom!  The trees are filled with white blooms by lunchtime today, with hints of pink all around.  

It even looked like little bits of paper trash were all over the ground throughout town, because the flower petals were already falling and flying around everywhere.

So I went biking and walking to see them all, and found myself arriving home just after dark, incredibly exhausted, somewhat chilled, and with eyes burning from all the riding through incredibly strong winds, with sand and dirt flying everywhere.  While I enjoyed the beautiful sights, I am ready to pass out now, and sleep through work tomorrow, and our sakura-viewing picnic (hanami) on Saturday in Tokyo – I am that exhausted.

img_5158

 

Nonetheless, I waited about 15 years to see all of these guys, and I am delightfully satisfied with what I have seen so far.  🙂

 

Post-a-day 2017