Tag: imagination

In another man’s shoes?

Do you ever imagine a version of yourself based around some single something?

Today, in the resale shop, I crossed this pair of red high heels that were almost my size (the left shoe fit perfectly, but the right was too small).

They caught my eye immediately, but I took a stroll through the shoes a bit more before turning back and checking their sizing on my foot.

When I put on the left shoe, the first one I happened to grasp, – I would say grab, but grab sounds so forceful, and this totally wasn’t so – I was filled with a little but powerful sense of delight.

These shoes…

And, before I could finish the thought, I realized that I didn’t have a proper ending to it…

… could be me?… could be a version of me?… could be awesome?… are definitely not going to be work by me?…

All of the aforementioned, actually.

And so I left the thought as simultaneously all of them and none of them… simply, “These shoes…”, and a satisfied inner sense of wow.

I felt so satisfied, considering the version of myself who wore these shoes.

She’s awesome, if I dare say so myself (which, I do).

And, she’s not the right now version of myself, if ever anything other than an imagined version of myself.

I don’t wear heels anymore… quite frankly, they’re utterly impractical and almost always uncomfortable.

I, once upon a time, had several pairs of high heels that felt great to wear… in recent years, however, since those have all worn out or been outgrown, heels don’t seem to be going for quality or comfort anymore… not ones that are sold for fewer than several hundred dollars, anyway… (though, to be fair, I tried on a few pairs today, when I was brought along to The Galleria, and those $800+ shoes weren’t too inspiring on the comfort level either)…..

Anyway, the point isn’t really about how poorly shoes are made nowadays, nor is not about the lack of consideration for quality and comfort when making them, but it is more about imagining that version of myself by trying on those shoes.

On the rack, they were pretty.

On my foot, it was inspiring.

In a moment of something like awe, I had a flash of the woman who wore these shoes proudly and comfortably, belonging fully in them… turning heads and keeping them turned.

I saw the money, the fashion, the business clothing… and then I somewhat encouraged the vision out the window… – I don’t want the business suit…. I don’t want that life…

I do, however, want that comfort and confidence… and that’s were my current state of the physical body needs improvement and care and love, and my wardrobe could use some love, too, to address the body that is currently here.

Sure, I might lose weight and not fit in the few items I bought specifically for my currently-excessed hips and thighs two weeks after buying them.

But those two weeks are likely to be miserable for me without something comfortable and confidence-giving to wear…, and they likely will result in another two weeks of misery and no weight loss…, and it is likely to continue onward until I have comfort and confidence in what I am wearing… the better I feel, the better care I actually take of myself…

Kind of crazy, almost Catch 22 sort of concept, but it totally is how things always go for me.

I even grew super excited, even a bit giddy, when I tried in a few pair of jean shorts that almost fit me today… the first pair was fun, but the second pair, the pair that almost fit, was divine gid – I had a glimpse of that version of myself who really is I, myself… she Does wear these kinds of clothes and shorts… yes, she does…

So, I guess I’m going back to get shorts tomorrow, because it is hot in Houston these days, it will increase is heat in the coming days and weeks and months, and I can’t keep going on in that one pair of cut-off shorts that are genuinely multiple sizes too big (I got them one time when I desperately needed shorts, and they at least stayed up, even though they were too big) – I feel so miserable in them these days, knowing how sloppy they look on my currently iffy fat situation.

So, yeah… that’s the plan… though I had definitely intended to talk beautifully, inspiringly about those imagined versions we create and see of ourselves when we cross a specific item from time to time… usually, those visions remind me of what I truly want in my life, so, while they’re fun and almost wistful thoughts, they are actually beneficial ones, too.

Yeah… cool, huh?

Post-a-day 2019

Crushes & the imagination

I’ve got to say: There’s something really fun about having a crush.  

Perhaps it’s the excitement and anticipation of wondering what, if anything, might happen.  Will he end up confessing his undying love for me?  Will he declare that I am the best person he has ever known, and that he cannot imagine life without me?  Will he become my best guy friend for now, or even for the rest of my life?  (Actually had this happen.)  Will he end up being psycho?  (Again, happened.)  Will he even notice I exist?  (Yep.)  Will he completely ignore me, and go date some other, more sexy girl?  (Happened.)  Will he be the best guy I’ve ever known, yet never have a bit of interest in me?  (Yup.)  Is he actually gay?  (This one, too.)  Will he become a priest instead of dating me?  (Really am speaking from experience, here. :P)

But then, perhaps part of it is also imagining life, should something actually come of the crush.  Will we become this amazing couple, traveling the world together with a dog and a cat and a few kiddos?  Will people wish they were we, or wish they had what we have?  Will I get to announce our engagement to all of our family and friends?  Will he turn out to be the man who breaks my heart?  Will we spend weeks at a time visiting beautiful beaches together, living a picture perfect vacation life each time?  Will I be the woman who breaks his heart?  Will we do something fabulous in a big city together, and be super modern and hip with our furnishings and modern art?  Will he turn out to be absolutely vain or utterly boring?  Will we end up on a ranch together, raising kids who ride horses, and swinging into the nearby lake on sunny days?  Will we be dancing, singing superstars (at least among all of our friends)?  Will he end up being super jealous, that we can’t possibly stay together, because I couldn’t possibly give up my friends?  Will I?  Will we move into an old, renovated fire station, and be art and music hipsters who help save the world each day?  The ideas go on and on, to any degree of crazy my imagination feels like going that particular day.

Perhaps it’s nature, perhaps it’s nurture, and perhaps it’s a bit of both, but I have these sorts of thoughts every time I have a crush.  Even for the times where I have no intention, desire, or even opportunity for anything to come of the crush, these sorts of thoughts still rush to mind.  It’s as though I have a sort of mobile-esque photo montage floating around my head, filled with snapshots from all of our potential life paths together.

For the most part, I enjoy the ideas without actually considering them to be a likely forecast of the future.  Sure, they could happen.  However, I find them all quite unlikely.(Though, I do admit that very upsetting scenarios also come to mind at times, and so I am always glad to know that those particular futures are very unlikely.)  I think I just enjoy imagining how crazy and awesome a story it would be to tell everyone if such-and-such happened between whomever and me.  ‘Kids, this is how Daddy and I met.  Can you believe it?’ 😛
On a sort of tangent, this all kind of reminds me of how people say that women have had their weddings planned since they were little girls.  I think we just have fun using our imaginations, and a wedding is just one particular outlet for them.  

I’ve often thought about my own wedding, however I can never decide on any actual details.  As soon as I think I want a certain style of white dress, I suddenly think I want a totally different style of green velveteen, or perhaps floral ochre…  I think I just don’t really care about the results, because it isn’t actually something real happening – for the time being, it’s just a brain exercise…  I love imagining various wedding scenarios for myself, of course.  However, that doesn’t mean that I’m actually planning my own wedding.  You know?  Anyway… just some thoughts.

Crushes are fun, in part for their potential, and in great part for their role in the imagination-creativity game.  I mean, what if he actually asks me out, and then confesses his love for me while we’re ice skating in the park, followed by our having hot cocoa, going horseback riding, and then dancing together all night to live music?  It could totally happen.  ; )

 

Post-a-day 2017