Lovely life, lovely strife

Sometimes, life feels unreasonably difficult. It is often music that helps me to reground in these times. And, somehow, this particular song, over and over, does just that, giving me both hope and a reminder that I can do this and the Universe and God are with me, supporting me on this path.

I know that it is I who have chosen to pursue this path. I am the one who chose to do things as I did, and I am the one who will continue to choose how I do things going forward. Sometimes, it feels like I picked wrong, chose wrong. Sometimes, I find myself mourning what feels like a major loss of potential or opportunity in my life. Right now, I feel that with teaching. Every time I teach, I am reminded of the life I could have led, had I continued in my pursuit of full-time high school teaching.

However, every time I teach, I am also reminded of how miserable I end up becoming at some point in the mix. There is something about it that just does not work with who I am in this life, who I am meant to be, and what I am made and meant to do.

Be who you are meant to be, and you will set the world on fire. I love that phrase. Yet, when I teach full-time in a school, I sometimes end up wanting to pull out a flame-thrower on my whole life, and just burn it to the ground. Definitely not the same idea…

So, I am 100% here in the life on this planet to teach. But I haven’t yet figured out in what capacity. I am heading in a direction that feels right, and in such an unexpected and terrifying way that only God and the Universe would have planned such a pattern. I am not there yet, though, and there are still many places for change, plus there will be a lot of work I have to put into it all, especially in the next year. A lot.

But it is something I want to do. So, even though I don’t know how I will earn enough money to function, come November, I believe this is the path for me, and so I will blaze forth. Dear God and O my Universe, please, help me to create the strength, courage, and love I need to make this beauty possible, as best as I possibly can make it happen. Guide me as I step forward into this next What’s next.

Amen.

Post-a-day 2021

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