We had a talk tonight, my man and I. Well, it was more like this evening, just after five. Such talks are often a bit scary to approach and don’t usually feel that great while in them. However, they are so incredibly important that we just not skip them. Sure, avoid it for a day or two, if you’re really struggling with having it, but then we just need to dive on in, share that we’re scared but that we want to have this conversation because we love the person and value our relationship with one another, and hop to what all else needs to be addressed.

We talked about my work situation and about travel plans for the upcoming holiday time. It was tough. I had a lot of emotions related to not being enough, failing, disappointing, and never making it. I also had fear of upsetting him or leaving him feeling abandoned.

He had his own emotions with which he got to deal, of course.

It took some time, but it went very well as a whole, for the both of us.

I am putting together a clear plan around my training to go into computer programming as a software engineer. Teaching just isn’t happening right now, and that’s okay. I still will do the few days a month at my part-time job, but will be free to focus fully on my coding training program, as well as finally managing unpacking fully and tidying the whole space.

And it’s okay that I’m not earning much money at all right now. We will be cautious with spending for a while while I do this. Hopefully, I can get a job tied to the industry by the end of first quarter, at the latest. We will check in weekly to talk about everything I learned and did for the week – for my own sanity, since I love sharing about whatever I learn. And we will check in at those times also on the whole situation to make sure everything is still working – finances, emotions, learning, etc.

Also, I likely will not travel with him on his to trip Mexico to visit his mom and stepdad, but will let him take the trip as something for himself, a much-desired vacation. It relieves a lot of stress for me, both in terms of feeling like I have too much to do at home right now to go be at ease for a week or two somewhere else, and in terms of feeling like I’m wasting money, both with the airfare and with wanting to purchase certain items while down there, as we had planned but feeling like it just doesn’t work financially right now. So, good dealing there, for the both of us.

Thank you, thank you, God, for being present in our discussion this evening. We love you and we are grateful. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2022


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