Month: October 2023

Drama queen

“I gave you a chance, and you chose violence!” he declares, a sense of both betrayal and comedy in his voice as he practically runs away down the hall.

You see, he was giving me a hard time about giving him a goodbye kiss, not bending over far enough for me to be able to reach him properly. So, I said, ‘Okay, fine. Goodbye,’ and I continued on to my next intended activity… which was filing my nails. One was bothering me still, and I needed to fix it, you see. But he can’t stand nail filing. I always have to make sure I do it when he isn’t around, or that I go be sneaky across a room, turned the other way – something like that, anyway. Since he clearly wasn’t going to give me a kiss without my having to jump or something absurd, I let it go and moved on. The moment I pulled out the nail file, though, he yelped and started running. I merely started laughing. Either come back and kiss me, and I’ll put it away, or I’ll just continue on with my plans, I told him. His response, of course, was where this story started. 😛

And no, he did not give me a fair chance of kissing him, but he had, technically, given me a chance. Boy, did he get a bit of a shock in return for his lack of fairness and kindness. 😛

Post-a-day 2023

And now, we have this Thing

Look at this Thing we now have.

I’m absolutely delighted and I can hardly wait for my man to fix it up, so it runs properly again. Hopefully, he will teach me along the way. Likely, he’ll take it to someone who knows a lot more about fixing older cars than he does. However, there will be various bits and pieces all throughout that he will be able to do – and enjoy doing – himself. And I want to learn to do those things, too.

Thank you, God, for my man’s safe travels. Help us to repair this Thing to the awesome creativity and beauty that it was designed to be. Help us to sue our talents and skills in repairing it to honor you. Thank you for this opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Another change of plans

As we continued to accomplish house tasks today, my man outside and I inside, we began to feel less and less interested in going on our miniature vacation. Its length was continuously decreasing, and we were growing more tired, the more we accomplished. And so, in the end, my man went to my uncle’s tonight, and he will go pick up the old car from San Antonio tomorrow morning, and then head back here.

He and I both agreed that it would take less time as a whole, if he just went on his own. And I’ve just been so tired, I couldn’t even muster up the will to plan out clothes and such to be able to go stay somewhere else. Especially so, if I were staying only a single night there.

My vacation plans had paled in comparison to the idea of actually getting things done and getting to rest and do nothing else off and on at home. And, somehow, picking up the car had become a stress point for me. I am very excited about this old car. But I was getting very stressed about picking it up and all that that entailed. Perhaps it was the number of times my man brought up the possible costs for the various towing options, and the time limit of each rental option, and the stress all of that induced. Perhaps it was that we were now having to deal with arranging with someone else’s schedule (a schedule which we didn’t even know). I think it was both, but also the stress of having to have plans now. The whole point of this trip, to me, was to go somewhere with no plans but to hang out. Sure, we could go walking and hiking if we felt like it. But we also just could stay at the house and lounge together. We could exercise when we wanted, wake when we wanted, and sleep when we wanted. And we even mostly could leave when we wanted. But that wasn’t the case anymore.

So, here I am at nearly three AM, going to bed in my own bed. Well, on the mattress I am testing out to see if I want to keep… at home. I have no alarm or required time for me to wake, and no one I must contact at any particular time tomorrow. And my man is going to come home with a cool new old car, hopefully darn close to when I get up (given that it is so late right now, and I just let the dog out). Hopefully, we can go to Church together in the evening, as he needs to be back by then to be able to turn in the trailer rental on time for the 24-hour rental (turned into the same location where he picked it up before leaving town this evening, which made it the cheapest option among them all).

I am grateful to my man for handling this all on his own. And I am happy to be home tonight. I just would have gotten too stressed being away this weekend.

Dear God, please, keep my man safe and healthy and well. Grant him safe travels this weekend especially, and bring him safely home to me and the dog. Thank you for this weekend. Please, help all our cars to heal, too, that we use them to pursue and fulfill your will. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A change of plans

We were scheduled to do the fun Stein-hoisting competition tomorrow at an Oktoberfest event, and enjoy the related Oktoberfest bier vom Fass at the brewery. However, when we found out it wouldn’t be happening until 4:45pm, we bailed. We had tried to find the time all last week (We totally would have gone last Sunday, though they had no contest Sunday, if we’d known the contest happened so late in the day.), but there was never a schedule available.

You see, we’re scheduled to take our miniature vacation this weekend at my uncle’s spare house in Wimberley, and only had delayed from today to tomorrow afternoon so we could do this contest and get the Steins and have the lovely beer, all for a great price. But, with the contest so late, we weren’t interested in staying in town so long. So, we went and had a single beer each at the brewery this evening, then had hot pizza at Costco. Now, we can get up casually in the morning and head on out.

The whole point of this vacation is for us to go not-home together for a couple days and to be able to enjoy the nice weather. Basically, I want us to have some breathing space, but together. We’ve both been struggling lately with not getting done the things we want to get done, especially at home. So, rather than stay home to do the things, since I have off school Monday, we are taking advantage of my long weekend and taking a trip for ourselves. We’ve had to cancel every other trip we’ve planned this year already. He got to go work in Mexico for a month last month, and for a couple weeks in early summer. But I haven’t done any kind of vacation, and I have been miserable lately, drowning in my own stresses and failings. I need to leave the house and go somewhere that doesn’t cause me even more stress for just a bit, and I want him to be with me.

Next weekend, I can go back to getting stuff done at home. But I just need to take a step away this weekend and breathe and spend un-stressed time with my man in a place where we both are at ease and have nothing pulling at us to be done.

We almost had to cancel, because none of our dog-sitting plans were planning out. Both back-ups failed after the original pulled out. Fortunately, we found someone today who could help us, and I feel like I can finally start to breathe a little bit more deeply now that that is handled, at last.

Anyway, I think I need to go on this trip so badly, because I’m already feeling so depressed and like a failure for leaving home instead of getting things done here. I think that is exactly the reason I need to step away from home for a couple days…

God, help me to find the rest and relief I seem desperately to need right now, and help my man to do the same for himself. Keep us safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A few days’ time

Whenever I want to do something that 1)will take extra effort, 2)requires extra time, and/or 3)is a shift in or from routine, it usually takes me a few days’ time to process the idea. First, I hit the point of knowing that I really would like for it to happen – not just that it would be nice, but that I truly want the resulting shift or change or whatever. Then, I just kind of sit on that idea for a bit, let it simmer, let it develop naturally, rather passively, without putting intentional effort into it. After a few days, I have causally developed a plan. I start doing little steps that assist with the impending shift. Eventually, I determine that I’m almost certain that I want to do it a certain way or time or whatever. And then, somewhat suddenly, though usually within 24 hours or so, I dive right into it and make it happen.

And then it’s done, like it was no big deal and was always going to happen on this day and at this time, and now my life has shifted in some subtle or huge way.

No matter what it is, be it rearranging furniture, unpacking boxes, getting rid of things, shaving my legs, or putting up a shower curtain, it almost always takes the same few days’ processing time before I make it actually happen. Tonight, it was the shower curtain.

And it looks great.

And it feels silly that it took me days to put up a shower curtain, once I’d determined that I was pretty sure I’d wanted to put it up.

But it did. And it almost always does. And it was perfect that it was tonight, and I am grateful that I got it done at a time when it didn’t cause extreme stress, as it would have done had I done it at any time beforehand when it had come to mind. Instead, it got to sit in the background and ruminate, and I was able to arrange time and effort for it to happen with ease, rather than total stress. Tonight, I fit it into the schedule without having to sacrifice sleep or any other already-scheduled task. For that to happen, it always takes a bit of time to get everything to shift just right. And, tonight, it did,

Thank you, God, for the ease of tonight’s shifting task. Thank you for giving me these opportunities to make positive changes in my life without having to stress immensely over them. Thank you for the ease it allows just to let things sit for a bit before taking action. Please, help me always to see clearly my next step in pursuing and fulfilling your will in my life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Faith

Sometimes, I have trouble having faith that all will work out perfectly, that God will take care of us, that things are going as they are right now for a very good and valuable reason in my life and in the lives of those I love.

And yet, as someone mentioned tonight, whenever we have no faith at all, everything just feels even worse… we have no hope, no true love embedded naturally in life, no trust that we will be taken care of in the end, even if we feel we have failed to do our part.

And so, even though it sucks when I struggle to trust in God, it sucks even more when I give up on Him entirely… so, I’ll take my struggling faith over no faith any day.

Dear God, I am sorry that I have doubt toward you and your plans. I am sorry that I give in to the temptations of the devil and his workers. And I accept that I will continue to do both for the rest of my life. Please, help me to grow in my strength to resist the bad and to uphold the good. Help me to grow always in my trust in you and your works. Help me always to pursue and to fulfill your will. Your son, Jesus Christ, suffered in our stead and died in sacrifice for our sins such as I have mentioned. In his name, I pray in gratitude and faith. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Fury

Can I just put it out into the ether that two-factor authentication is uncivil and unjust? It wasn’t hard enough for me to create a password with what feels like fifteen requirements. Now, I must also carry around a separate device to be able to access my own content. Because my fingerprint verification also was not enough, for some reason.

I just don’t want to deal with this crap… I’m so sick of it. And I’m really hating people and their stupidity today.

Post-a-day 2023

Just be

Tonight, instead of going straight to bed, I watched a terrible show with great dancing and waited for my man to finish exercising. After I shower in the evening, I don’t like touching anything dirty, so I purposely waited so that I could hug him when he arrived.

What was really awesome, though, was that he sat down with me to watch this terrible show with good dancing, and we just got to lie there together, half snuggling, half just lying on top of each other. It was lovely just being physically against one another, especially after having been apart for so long.

Thank you, God, for this man and his love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

My man

My man is home, and I am beyond grateful. I am relieved, excited, delighted, and filled with joy. And yet it also feels completely normal. I am not bouncing off the ceiling or anything. But, when he first hugged me, held me, I just started to cry – not only was it that my man was home, but also that I have a man who loves me and whom I love… as he said to me this morning when we were just sitting together as he held me, he loves me “immensely”. And I him.

And I am so grateful for it.

Thank you, God, for this man and this love that we have been blessed to share with and through you. Help us always to honor you with our relationship, and thereby honor one another always. Help us to be the best we can be and to pursue and fulfill your will. Thank you for the many blessings we have and share. Thank you for your love. Help me gently, please, to release my fears and to trust in you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023