I spoke with the dean today and got support on how to proceed with the kid who has been cheating throughout the year. His guidance was helpful by scores. It also helped to know that, should the conversation not go well, we had a clear plan of proving the cheating and then, if it continued, withholding the grade for the class as a whole, since the student hadn’t actually earned one by doing her own work.
When I spoke to the student after school, the conversation seemed to go really well for what it was. She admitted her lack of academic integrity, and helped me understand what was behind it all, where specifically and why she struggled in class. We talked through the class guidelines and agreements – to which she had agreed at the start of the year – and discussed how she could start following them again and how I and others could support her in doing that.
I had been very worried before the conversation. I didn’t know how to approach it without being pissed at her for doing this all year and for making me have to change all sorts of things just to be able to keep her from cheating, when it would have been better for everyone else another way. Because I was pissed at her.
I was also crushed that I had been such a bad teacher not to have addressed it at the start directly and looked to see how to help her start to participate and actually learn (instead of cheat) way back then.
And I think it was that idea that helped me get to the right place.
The whole reason we want them not to cheat is because they cheat themselves out of an education that way. She lost all this time for learning, because she cheated instead. And I was too afraid of making an enemy of her to call her out on it sooner. (To be fair, there were other bad behaviors from her and her group that took up a lot of my energy for class every time, so this was a minor concern over all of that stuff each day.)
Nonetheless, when I went to talk to her, I almost couldn’t speak. Then I just looked right at her, and I got it. She knew and I knew she had been cheating, and neither of us wanted this confrontation. In that moment, I was clear that I cared about her and was worried for her own fears and concerns. And I shared that with her.
I told her that I wanted to talk with her about her academic integrity in the class. I told her what I had been seeing, including specific dead-giveaways of her cheating at times. I didn’t give all the details, because I saw I didn’t need to give them. I told her I wanted to know what was going on for her in class that she was struggling so much – what specifically was so hard for her, because I want to work with her on that. I said other things that were God-givenly well said, though I don’t recall them now.
And she admitted that she was really having a lot of trouble in class. We talked about how she had done the year before, where she had excelled versus struggled, and why the transition to this class kind of hit her like a tank. I made it clear that she needs to follow the guidelines and requirements in class, specifically the number one rule of understanding every word, every time. It is their duty to stop me, to ask me to speak slower, to repeat, to give the meanings of unknown words… and it is my promise that I will do as they ask every single time. And I do. Her class, of course, is the worst at following this rule, which hasn’t helped her have the courage to speak up at all. And, of course, she is very shy, which only makes it harder for her to speak up and thereby admit she didn’t understand something that it seems like everyone else understood. I told her to have friends ask for her sometimes, if she gets especially nervous or feels like it’s too much in a single class. I told her the special secret that not everyone else does know what I’ve said half the time. She isn’t alone in her lack of understanding, and I’ll be having conversations with others on that topic, too.
I also told her that I want to help her and I want her to succeed. I will work with her both during class and outside of class, whatever support or explanation she may need. We are having this conversation because I care about her success.
And, though she looked very much by the end like she was hitting her limit and needed to leave quickly and cry her eyes out, it felt like there is a real chance she got it and understands that I actually do care. If I didn’t, I would have turned her into the dean directly – I had clear proof of her cheating long ago, and still had that proof to hand over at any second. Not something a student would want senior year, to be sure. But I didn’t turn that in to anyone. And she knows that. I just so hope that she will take seriously what we discussed and that I want her to succeed. I was very proud of her, especially because of how I know she has been struggling, when she recited her quiz thing almost perfectly after class today (it was to make up for a day she had been absent). I was genuinely delighted for her success. And maybe that played into finding the right words, too. Maybe that was how I truly was able to get present to my care for her.
Whatever the case, I am grateful I found the emotions and the words. I hope she got them fully and takes them to heart. I would love to see her succeed in this class the rest of the year. I also hope she doesn’t hate me, because it really does suck when a teenage girl hates you – trust me, I know – but that comes second to her success in class. Because my ultimate goal is to offer growth to the students. So, here’s to her newly impending growth in class! Cheers!
Thank you, God. Keep my husband safe, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Post-a-day 2024
hannah ananas 