Back and forth and round and round

Have you ever checked your subconscious for its opinions on things?

My mom introduced me to pendulums years and years ago, and I’ve even had my own for many years now. However, I have very rarely used it in the past. I thought they were spectacular, and, of course, I wanted one. But I think I didn’t really have anything on which I wanted to use it after the initial excitement and enrollment into it. And, over time, it became a passive piece of knowledge: Oh, yes, that is my pendulum. And the thought ended there, no longer calling up the possible practical applications of seen pendulum.

The other day, though – okay, a week ago, now – a friend of mine mentioned a method for discovering and altering our subconscious opinions of things. He relayed loads of details on research behind it and all, but I have found that the best test of such things is just to test it out. No matter what anyone else says, either it works for me or it doesn’t, and I won’t know until I do it.

So, I did it.

And I took on a rather intense idea, one that has lately been at the core and the surface of my life in many ways: I am absolutely worth every bit of all of this effort. There has been a lot of crying and stress for me in recent years and recent months, and each bit has been part of my becoming more myself out of all of it. But that has, of course, not been an easy task. And I have felt that I am needing to convince someone, anyway, that it is all worth the effort. All of these struggles in pursuit of my best self are worth it, right? Yes, of course.

And yet…

So, I asked the pendulum for yes and no and neutral. Then I stated, “I am absolutely worth every bit of all of this effort.” And, without a doubt, it gave me a resounding no.

I actually laughed. I felt relieved, really. So much internal struggle over this exact concept was not for naught. I genuinely was struggling to believe it myself (according to this practice, on a subconscious level), which, in a way, made every stride forward that much more difficult to take.

And so, following the steps of this method for transforming the subconscious opinion, I asked if it was okay and safe and acceptable to change this opinion right now: yes. And then I went to task, meditating in a certain way and being withheld and inviting in anything and everything that might come up as I repeated the statement over and over again, until I felt a shift within myself.

“When it happens, you’ll know,” he told me.

And I did.

And I discovered that it was so much more than I had ever considered. This idea wasn’t just about me and my actions and efforts – it was about everyone around me and their efforts and struggles, too. I believed somewhat that I was worth my own time and effort, but I couldn’t possibly have been worth everyone else’s… and yet…

As I worked through being with every comment and idea and issue and experience and emotion that arose in my repetitions of the statement, I ended up with two shifts. One, quickly, was around myself, and the other, after a much longer time, was about the whole world. And then, after I opened my eyes and rejoined the world around me, I asked the pendulum again.

“I am absolutely worth every bit of all of this effort,” I said with confidence and conviction I had never even considered associating with such a concept.

And it was a resounding yes from the pendulum.

From myself.

And that was really, really cool.

And slightly terrifying, when I considered how powerful this tiny activity was and would be, should I choose to use it going forward with things.

Tonight, one week later, after seeing the very clear results of that one transformation of my opinion on one idea, I sat down with my list of things about my book writing and the mental struggles I have had with getting myself actually to sit down and do it. Part of me was terrified I’d discover that I already believed them all to be true, yet still wasn’t writing. And part of me was terrified to discover that I didn’t actually have faith in myself, this the not writing. But I knew it would be only beneficial to look into it all, and unhelpful not to do so. So, I did it.

And it was amazing to see how things aligned with my actions so perfectly. I do believe that I am a great writer, despite any lack of credentials or ‘the right education background’ or whatever. I can write extremely well, when I want to do so, and I happen to be rather good at story-telling, which transitions easily into writing. That’s part of why I’ve stuck with it over the years, and I’ve kept coming back to books over and over again, despite my failures to make a book. But there were other bits that didn’t quite align with what I wanted, and instead aligned with my lack of sitting down to write those desired books. And I went to work on those, following the simple yet intense steps. In the end, my whole being felt light and excited, and every statement was a solid yes from the pendulum.

It was awesome. And slightly terrifying, too…, but in a good way, and mostly awesome. 😀

Now that those are transformed in my head, we shall see what happens in the very near future. ;). I am quite curious to find out.

Post-a-day 2020

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