Tag: goals

And now, we have this Thing

Look at this Thing we now have.

I’m absolutely delighted and I can hardly wait for my man to fix it up, so it runs properly again. Hopefully, he will teach me along the way. Likely, he’ll take it to someone who knows a lot more about fixing older cars than he does. However, there will be various bits and pieces all throughout that he will be able to do – and enjoy doing – himself. And I want to learn to do those things, too.

Thank you, God, for my man’s safe travels. Help us to repair this Thing to the awesome creativity and beauty that it was designed to be. Help us to sue our talents and skills in repairing it to honor you. Thank you for this opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A change of plans

We were scheduled to do the fun Stein-hoisting competition tomorrow at an Oktoberfest event, and enjoy the related Oktoberfest bier vom Fass at the brewery. However, when we found out it wouldn’t be happening until 4:45pm, we bailed. We had tried to find the time all last week (We totally would have gone last Sunday, though they had no contest Sunday, if we’d known the contest happened so late in the day.), but there was never a schedule available.

You see, we’re scheduled to take our miniature vacation this weekend at my uncle’s spare house in Wimberley, and only had delayed from today to tomorrow afternoon so we could do this contest and get the Steins and have the lovely beer, all for a great price. But, with the contest so late, we weren’t interested in staying in town so long. So, we went and had a single beer each at the brewery this evening, then had hot pizza at Costco. Now, we can get up casually in the morning and head on out.

The whole point of this vacation is for us to go not-home together for a couple days and to be able to enjoy the nice weather. Basically, I want us to have some breathing space, but together. We’ve both been struggling lately with not getting done the things we want to get done, especially at home. So, rather than stay home to do the things, since I have off school Monday, we are taking advantage of my long weekend and taking a trip for ourselves. We’ve had to cancel every other trip we’ve planned this year already. He got to go work in Mexico for a month last month, and for a couple weeks in early summer. But I haven’t done any kind of vacation, and I have been miserable lately, drowning in my own stresses and failings. I need to leave the house and go somewhere that doesn’t cause me even more stress for just a bit, and I want him to be with me.

Next weekend, I can go back to getting stuff done at home. But I just need to take a step away this weekend and breathe and spend un-stressed time with my man in a place where we both are at ease and have nothing pulling at us to be done.

We almost had to cancel, because none of our dog-sitting plans were planning out. Both back-ups failed after the original pulled out. Fortunately, we found someone today who could help us, and I feel like I can finally start to breathe a little bit more deeply now that that is handled, at last.

Anyway, I think I need to go on this trip so badly, because I’m already feeling so depressed and like a failure for leaving home instead of getting things done here. I think that is exactly the reason I need to step away from home for a couple days…

God, help me to find the rest and relief I seem desperately to need right now, and help my man to do the same for himself. Keep us safe. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A few days’ time

Whenever I want to do something that 1)will take extra effort, 2)requires extra time, and/or 3)is a shift in or from routine, it usually takes me a few days’ time to process the idea. First, I hit the point of knowing that I really would like for it to happen – not just that it would be nice, but that I truly want the resulting shift or change or whatever. Then, I just kind of sit on that idea for a bit, let it simmer, let it develop naturally, rather passively, without putting intentional effort into it. After a few days, I have causally developed a plan. I start doing little steps that assist with the impending shift. Eventually, I determine that I’m almost certain that I want to do it a certain way or time or whatever. And then, somewhat suddenly, though usually within 24 hours or so, I dive right into it and make it happen.

And then it’s done, like it was no big deal and was always going to happen on this day and at this time, and now my life has shifted in some subtle or huge way.

No matter what it is, be it rearranging furniture, unpacking boxes, getting rid of things, shaving my legs, or putting up a shower curtain, it almost always takes the same few days’ processing time before I make it actually happen. Tonight, it was the shower curtain.

And it looks great.

And it feels silly that it took me days to put up a shower curtain, once I’d determined that I was pretty sure I’d wanted to put it up.

But it did. And it almost always does. And it was perfect that it was tonight, and I am grateful that I got it done at a time when it didn’t cause extreme stress, as it would have done had I done it at any time beforehand when it had come to mind. Instead, it got to sit in the background and ruminate, and I was able to arrange time and effort for it to happen with ease, rather than total stress. Tonight, I fit it into the schedule without having to sacrifice sleep or any other already-scheduled task. For that to happen, it always takes a bit of time to get everything to shift just right. And, tonight, it did,

Thank you, God, for the ease of tonight’s shifting task. Thank you for giving me these opportunities to make positive changes in my life without having to stress immensely over them. Thank you for the ease it allows just to let things sit for a bit before taking action. Please, help me always to see clearly my next step in pursuing and fulfilling your will in my life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Faith

Sometimes, I have trouble having faith that all will work out perfectly, that God will take care of us, that things are going as they are right now for a very good and valuable reason in my life and in the lives of those I love.

And yet, as someone mentioned tonight, whenever we have no faith at all, everything just feels even worse… we have no hope, no true love embedded naturally in life, no trust that we will be taken care of in the end, even if we feel we have failed to do our part.

And so, even though it sucks when I struggle to trust in God, it sucks even more when I give up on Him entirely… so, I’ll take my struggling faith over no faith any day.

Dear God, I am sorry that I have doubt toward you and your plans. I am sorry that I give in to the temptations of the devil and his workers. And I accept that I will continue to do both for the rest of my life. Please, help me to grow in my strength to resist the bad and to uphold the good. Help me to grow always in my trust in you and your works. Help me always to pursue and to fulfill your will. Your son, Jesus Christ, suffered in our stead and died in sacrifice for our sins such as I have mentioned. In his name, I pray in gratitude and faith. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

The room was a buzz… with static

I went to adoration… for all of five minutes, and then I ditched. Why? I had to get out of there. Just as with every other time I have gone into that chapel, my ears were assaulted by the loud humm-buzz of what only could be a speaker not in use but on or terrible dimmable lights… as we discovered today, it was both.

I’ve been casually asking for years who is in charge of the technology of the place, but have always simply not received an answer. Today, however, when I couldn’t even stand to be in adoration, a place I wanted and love to be, I made it happen. I went to the offices and found someone who, though not officially in charge – turns out no one truly knows ‘who’s in charge’ there – had a key to all the locked doors and had authority to investigate the sound with me.

I explained to him my theory. When he had replaced the blessed sacrament back into the tabernacle, I got to troubleshooting. After only a few tries and one google search, I had my main solution: Yes, the amplifier hanging on the ceiling was left on all the time, thereby giving a constant feedback sound.

Displayed here:

After the massive sound was gone, we did find a much smaller one that ended up coming from – you guessed it – overhead dimmable lights.

Though the lights may or may not stay off (there are two sets side-by-side), I now know which ones make the buzz. As for the speaker, I wrote a note to say specifically what to turn on before each Mass and to turn it off after each Mass. Until that becomes normal for folks, I at least know how to turn it off myself. Just have to find someone with the right key… and yes, I have considered asking if I might have a copy of that key, specifically for the purpose of being able to silence the buzzing roar of the speaker when needed. We shall see what happens.

For now, though, we have a wonderful start and a functional real of possibility and plans. And I am grateful for that.

Thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

A day of rest

Tomorrow, we have no school. It will be a Tuesday. (To be clear, something is happening, but only with some students, and it doesn’t involve me. So, I don’t have school tomorrow.) An odd time to have a rest from school, but I accept it with gratitude even still.

I had planned to go down to Galveston for a while, but the weather is expected to be semi-bleak and stormy, so I’ve reconsidered that idea. I wish it were going to be a Sunny and gorgeous day or a cool and sprinkly day. Alas, it is not to be. I just want to experience a day of holiday, a time of vacation from the toils and obligations of life, a chance not to do anything in particular and not to have to feel bad for not doing something more important or better or whatever.

That was part of why I wanted just to leave town. This stuff with my grandma is already sad and scary. I don’t want to feel the pressure of, ‘You should be here, helping,’ the way part of my family has kind of been being lately. (Not forcibly so, but in a passive-aggressive way that may also be 99% unconsciously done. Nonetheless, it is a lot of pressure.) If I’m not around, I couldn’t have helped, anyway. Just like when I’m at school.

Anyway, I think I have been over-stressed lately. A true vacation would be really good for me right about now.

God, help my mind and body to be at ease tomorrow, please. Help them to receive the love and the rest they so need. Help me to see clearly my next step in pursuing and fulfilling your will for me in this life. Bring my man and the dog home to me safely and happy and well, please. Heal my grandma and my brothers’ dad, please. Thank you for this life and your love. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Breathing room

My man got real with me today about my current stress levels. I have been making an effort to see my grandma, who recently moved to town and is struggling with her physical body a lot at present, most days since she moved to town. He pointed out that I have been living as though my grandma were going to die within the next month… and that it is incapacitating me.

You see, I haven’t been able to get almost anything done at home. There is loads of tidying that I actually want to do, but I haven’t been able to do any of it. And I haven’t even been getting enough sleep at night as it is. I have so much work to do right now, that that, combined with visiting my grandma so often, has left me with no available time and still getting to bed later than I need to be getting to bed each night. What’s more, living on a lack of sleep means that everything with work takes longer and is a lot harder for me. So, basically, I’ve felt like I’ve been drowning for a few weeks now, and it really sucks. I normally get loads done at home whenever he’s out of town, and it currently feels worse than ever at home, though he’s been out of town for two weeks.

And I think he’s right. I can still love my grandma and not drain myself entirely. Even going every other day would be better for me and my physical body, as well as my mental state.

Plus, I need to honor not only my bedtime but my ‘be-home’ time, the time each day I need to be home in order to settle down and get ready for bed on time. I learned years ago that I cannot just slide into bed as soon as I get home. On a super fast night, it still takes me half an hour, which is usually rather stressful having to hurry everything along. A typical night makes my bedtime routine an hour to an hour and a half. If I’ve had a tough day, add an extra half hour of wind-down time. So, when my family thinks it’s no big deal for me to be hanging out for dinner at a quarter to seven, I need to speak up and leave, so I can actually be home by seven. Otherwise, I’m already getting to bed late. Just like tonight. I was just stopping by for 15 minutes. Over an hour later, after having been roped into helping with something, I was finally leaving, stressed and knowing I’d be starting the week off lacking sleep.

However, I did tell my grandma that I wouldn’t be back until Tuesday, the day after tomorrow, which was good for me. And she also seemed totally okay with it. I hope she is. As my mom mentioned today, my grandma hasn’t had so much company and so much visit time in who knows how long. She hasn’t had anything like it the past year and a half. And, even when she and my Opa still lived in their house the past decade or so, they didn’t typically have visits more than once a week from family or friends.

I just hope she will heal and will get to enjoy living here.

God, help us all to pursue and to fulfill your will. Heal my grandma, please. Heal, also, my brothers’ dad, please. Lots of healing and love over here would be awesome, of course. Help us all to be filled with your love and your grace. Thank you for this life. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

Ballet

I went to a ballet class this morning. My friend has signed up her daughter, who recently turned three, for ballet classes at a studio in a nearby neighborhood. I had joined them to watch that class this week after school one day. While it was absolutely adorable and a total morale boost, it also made me want to do ballet classes myself.

I had only officially done a beginner series of six classes eight years ago, plus a private lesson and a single drop-in in an intermediate class after the series. I also had had a few beginner drop-in classes here and there years before that. Very little had stuck from those, though.

So, eight years after the beginner series, here I am, stepping into a class that is for middle- and high-school-students, but that is technically an open drop-in class for adults, too.

I was terrified, and I showed up anyway. This morning was certainly a morning filled with courage. I didn’t do amazingly – not at all. But I did do most of the stuff in the class. By the end of the floor work, we were doing some things I had not ever learned to do, so I was guessing and making it up as I went, and also stepping back to observe more before trying it out again. All in all, it was a good time had by me. I imagine the kids in the class were thrown by my presence, but I rolled with it happily. And the teacher made it clear that I was, in fact, invited back both for that class and for certain other ones, too. (I even asked if I could take the lower level classes, and she told me that I didn’t need to take them. So, though I was happy yet serious with my inquiry, she was, too. I apparently am functioning enough to stay in the class.) So, that was cool. Woohoo!

I look forward to improving and to doing better each class.

I certainly have things to work on before I go back, and I hope I can make that happen consistently, starting this week. Because I really want to go back and to do better by a lot each time. I truly enjoy the feeling of doing ballet right. It is such a good feeling. Not because it’s right, but because ballet itself truly just feels amazing to do.

God, thank you for this blessing and opportunity of today. Thank you for the dancing. Thank you for my own sense of humour and easy acceptance of my current levels with everything. Help me to honor you through practice and dancing. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

P.S. God, would you heal my grandma and my brothers’ dad, please? In your name, I pray. Amen.

Sleep

When will I get enough? When will I find a rhythm that actually works for me again? I am just so tired… everything is difficult right now. I want to do so much more in each day. I need sleep just to get done what I’m already attempting to do in a day, let alone more… I need to sleep more each night.

God, help me, please, to find a rhythm and pattern that gives me the sleep I need each night. Please. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023

At the last minute

Talk about last-minute things… I have the test proctoring in the morning, then just a few hours before I must be across town to meet with someone. And, just tonight, I was asked to bring certainty bings with me that are not exactly easy to find in a hurry. Amazon could do it, for sure, in a few days. But not by midday tomorrow. So, as soon as the gets finishes, I’ll be rushing to at least two stores. And I’ll have to figure out and find some other things online to print off before I even go to the stores, too. And then I have to drive across town to meet and do all these things relating to everything I’ll have just picked up… 😛

Just nutso.

But I am grateful to be doing it all and to be going to meet this person.

God, grant me the words to help her heal now. Help me to help her see and feel and know you truly, in all your love and Glory. Help me to heal her and return her to you. Keep us all safe, please. And thank you for these many blessings of this love-filled and blessed life you have granted to me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2023