Tomorrow

Tomorrow, I am letting some kids make up work during the morning break – while I have breakfast at school – and then meeting with my other class that I didn’t see in the schedule today. I likely will have lunch after that, possibly work out, then go home and not come back for a week and a half.

And that will be very good for me.

I still have to sort out and post all of their assignments for while I’m not there, but I will have an hour to do that before I have class and after the make-ups. So, that should be enough time to get it all handled. I also have the time in class, when they’ll be taking their test. I’d forgotten that that is also usable time for me. Hmm. Thanks for that reminder(!).

Anyway, I have work to do in the morning for school, and then I will be able to come home and do the work I need to do here, both for my home and for myself, all for our healing and stepping forward into the life we want to be leading going forward.

I am still stressed, but I am also somewhat excited.

Thank you, God, for this opportunity for healing and accomplishments. Help me to do them both effectively this next week and a half, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Misery

Some things necessitate misery. This is one of them.

I noticed this morning, having stayed home from work for the day, that I was filled with a sense of ease I had not had for a long time. Not really interacting with anyone was good for me today. When an app helper person responded dumbly to some feedback I had given, I was, in a way, enraged. I just couldn’t take it, either the stupidity or the disrespect… it has me a bit worried that I am not actually ready to be around people tomorrow.

It is likely to be a difficult day for me, and on multiple levels. I’m almost hoping that I have a sort of freak out, just so I can go ahead and leave for the day. We don’t have school Friday, so tomorrow is the last day of this week for us. And yet I still don’t want to go.

But I’m only paid by the day, and we need as much financial support as we can get right now. So, I’m going in, it seems.

I’m not ready for this.

Post-a-day 2024

Sleep, again

Sure enough, I didn’t sleep well last night. First half of the night seemed fine. But the second half was filled with either coughing or an inability to find physical comfort in my comfortable bed. I went to school today exhausted.

And I was kind of on edge all day. I took a nap for close to 15 minutes between classes this morning, but had to be on and going the whole rest of the day. I had wanted to do a quick workout right after school, but I was beyond myself. I just wanted to go home and shower and sleep. And, possibly, cry, too.

I had to deal with a lot of kids being upset that they got grades they had earned, mostly due to late submissions and not following instructions. I hate having to be so harsh with them, especially when they aren’t prepared emotionally for it. One kid is clearly an A student. His partner for a project is older and more of an A/B student who understands his own weaknesses. The older student messed up and turned in something wrong. The younger student didn’t confirm with the older that all was submitted correctly. They both lost points for it. The older student made a request that would get them some points back, understanding that he had messed up and the grade was a necessary result of that. The younger student was incapable of taking responsibility for his own role in the poor grade. (We’ll ignore the fact that the thing submitted was their first draft that I had forced them to change, because they would have done terribly as a whole with it only that way. If I’d said nothing in the first place, they wouldn’t have had a better version, and they both would be sad about the grade with equal fault feelings.) He just couldn’t be with the offering of the poor grade that had already been improved from the original poor grade. And I say “poor grade,” meaning it would go from a 60% to roughly an 80% (with the requests and concessions the older student had made). 80% wasn’t good enough for the younger student… but he didn’t do any of it right in the first place, and he didn’t play his part in making sure the fully updated version got submitted properly.

Frankly, the more I think on this, the more I feel he needs to deal with the mistake he made, to take responsibility as his partner did, and to accept the generous offer not only of my telling them to fix it before I graded it but of my offering to accept the fully updated one as a late grade. I don’t want to be mean, though. I do want them both to learn – that is the true point. I also know that this will not crush the grade for either of them in the class. It’s a minor project, and we grade rolling for the semester. So, it’ll count as almost nothing by the end of the semester. (Perhaps he is mostly worried about the quarter grade and making the A list, though… hmm…)

Anyway, I told them the grade they would have received on the updated project – I had offered to average the two grades, too, but he wouldn’t accept that either – and I told them to think on it and get back to me with their request/s. Officially, my job was done – I had graded what was submitted. If they want something different from that, it is on them to make the request. That’s fair, yes?

Fingers crossed that they come up with a just solution. I want them to learn and to grow from this, not be jerks forever afterward to each other or to me.

God, help me to see clearly how best to make a positive difference in my work each day. Thank you for my job and for my husband. Please, keep my husband always safe. In your name, I pray in gratitude. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Volunteering

Head of athletics asked me yesterday if I could help with the track meet after school today, 4-8pm. My man had his own meeting then, anyway, so timing worked and I agreed to help. Today, it made for a long day for me, but I was clearly a big help in what I specifically did, and I really enjoyed myself at the meet. Next time, I might opt for a different job, but this one was a fun mix of chill and on-ness, and I even got to hang with some students of mine for a while, just watching the events and getting all the details of each runner from them while I waited.

I hung with other coaches and teachers for a bit afterward before heading home, and that, too, was a delight. All in all, it was a great day, and I am now exhausted.

Thank you, God, for the extra day off school tomorrow. Even though I don’t get paid, the rest will do me good and give me a good start to be able to put away clothes this weekend. Help me to make our house the home we long for it to be. Thank you for this life and this opportunity. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Courage

To me, courage is being afraid and doing what is needed anyway. Today, I had courage. And the meeting went really well. A couple very important things have now been both communicated and sorted out. There is space now to address a couple other minor things. And I feel incredibly heard, justified, and supported by my administration.

Thank you, administration. And thank you, God. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Patience

Tomorrow, I have the meeting with the administrator to discuss both things that have not been appropriate and my future with the school. We shall see how it goes, of course, but I am a bit nervous. In a way, I want to be embraced and want not to be rejected. However, more than either of those, I just want to be clear as to my future with this school. If I get to stay here, I will be delighted. If I do not get to stay here, I eventually will be delighted by whatever comes up on my path. Whatever the case, I will be okay and I will be in God’s hands. I am just currently really struggling with this lack of clarity. When I have nothing clear towards which to work, I struggle to work. I know that knowing, whatever the direction, will make all the difference in helping me finish out this year strongly and effectively, both for me and for my students.

So, whether I’ll be crying in frustration at being rejected or feeling hopeful, I hope I get a clear answer tomorrow morning.

Dear God, I pray to speak the words that communicate my points effectively and appropriately. Help me to speak best to the listening tomorrow in the meeting, and help me to learn exactly what I need to know to proceed best in my work and in my life. Keep us safe and in your graces, please. Thank you for this life and your guidance. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Improvements

It’s funny how today feels like a whole week later than yesterday, all because everything shifted. I have a game plan, and I put it into action fully today. I still have more to do, but major progress has been made. I am trusting God to guide me, and I am taking the strides I feel he is calling me to make.

Thank you, God, for this opportunity. Help me to embrace it fully and to pursue and fulfill fully your will. And keep us well and happy and safe and with you, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

Breakdown

Today has been a breakdown day. I had a couple extremely helpful conversations around the breakdown. As always, it takes a breakdown in order to have a breakthrough. Today has been no exception. I guess I have been needing this breakdown, because I seriously have been needing a breakthrough around my work. I think I have clear steps that I am excited to take tomorrow and onward.

Thank you God for this support in this opportunity. Help me to pursue exactly what you need me to pursue around my work. Show me clearly my next step, and I will trust you and take it. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024

OCD

Having OCD really, really…, really sucks, sometimes.

But I am grateful to be married to a man who loves me so well and whom I love.

But OCD can just really suck.

God, help to heal me, please. Ease our communication struggles with one another, and help us to find comfortable and easy communication, especially on the hard moments with one another. Thank you for this man, my husband, and this opportunity to grow together and through and with you. In your name, I pray. Amen.

P.S., God. Would you make clear for me my next step regarding my work, please? I feel a change coming, but am unclear right now what specifically to do in the moment. Help me to see it clearly, so that I may do it, please. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Post-a-day 2024